questions i have

[Shucklak]

a secret

no one
knows

but

I keep
god
in my pocket

sometimes
i take him out

he sits
on my shoulder

and

he whispers
the secrets of
the universe in
my ear

and then
in a hushed
tone

i ask him

:h that?::
he reply's

::I keep
that one
locked
in a small
wooden
box::

::and i'll
never tell
anyone::

::not
even
you::



addiction

where all the
dust
finally settles

where you cant
tell
if the sun is
rising
or setting

where dead flowers
and dead minds and
falling leaves go
to be alone

where the rain stops

we began the
journey

with maps
and provisions
our bearings
set out
among the stars

weathering the
silent storm

and now

we cannot see the land
and
we dont know if it will
take longer to turn back
or
push on
to the other side

the men have murder
in their eyes and
you can smell death
in the smoke of their cigarettes

will they mutiny and sink the ship
in their madness?

or

will they be mad enough to go on?

only the sea knows

 

[Shucklak]

oh yeah : criticism welcome. the truth please. why, of course,yes, the truth.

 

[mr_fluffy]

dude, you must be a tripper, 'cos both of these poems are doing my head in right now. you're lucky though, i have a freind like you, and i've long ago learned to tolerate stuff such this as a normal part of life .

ps. never mind the existential shit, these are very good poems. tight, minimal with great flow, and vivid imagery. keep it up, i like them.

 

[Shucklak]

hahha yes i wrote these the day after dropping some cid. cool though thanks for the feedback.

 

[mr_fluffy]

aaahhhhhhhh 'cid. i met him a few time. cool bloke.

anyway, see if you can keep the same flow and mentality in soberness, and see if you can write like this at other times. the talent is there, you just have to learn to tap it.

 

[Shucklak]

actually i was sober, this was the day after the cid...but the first poem was definately "dose-inspired" heh heh. btw, does anybody start associating everything with black and white circles while they are trippin?....it always happens with me especially with high doses......

 

[Raz]

we cannot see the land
and
we dont know if it will
take longer to turn back
or
push on
to the other side

They were both really great...the first poem reminded me of something I wrote a couple years ago actually, I might see if I can dig it up...

These both flow like water! The way you've structured it, my eyes and mind just naturally followed to its natural end.

Oh and the reason I highlighted the above part was that it's my favourite...very eloquent.

--Raz--

 

[on the road]

I loved the addiction poem...very mysterious and captivating--just like.............addiction..