Mental Health Question regarding derealisation

[PillsAndKills]

I've been in a state of derealisation for 4 months now after too high a dose of MDMA on New Year's Eve. It's the only remaining symptom of what was a drug-induced anxiety state that triggered as a result of my stupidity.

My question is for anyone who has come out of it. Does it happen gradually or do you suddenly become aware that you are back to your senses? I ask because it's been so long now that it's almost like I've forgotten what it's like to have that full feel of my senses.

I'm also somewhat depressed by my condition. Memory is so bad I struggle to remember what I did two days ago and it embarrasses me to admit but I have crying fits maybe once a week just because of how long it feels like its been.

 

[herbavore]

I'm really sorry that you are experiencing this. From reading many, many experiences like this here on Bluelight I would have to say that the length of time it takes people to heal completely is varied. One of the best things you can do is to address the anxiety that you have permanently damaged yourself. You can and will heal. Patience, acceptance and very basic life skills (eating right, sleeping well, exercising etc) are what is needed. I am experiencing memory loss for a very different reason (aging) and I know it can be a bitch. I try to make small adaptations but some of it actually gets better when I just accept that memory is not my strong point any longer. I imagine yours will return but it may be useful for the present to adopt that attitude. As far as the crying goes, let it happen. Tears create a healing hormone in the brain. I work with kids. I encourage them to cry whenever they feel the tears coming--especially the little boys. When I explain the science to them, it relieves some of the stigma. I know the world will demand they bottle it up later during adolescence but at least while they are in my sphere of influence I'm going to stand up for the health benefits of crying.

 

[PillsAndKills]

I'm really sorry that you are experiencing this. From reading many, many experiences like this here on Bluelight I would have to say that the length of time it takes people to heal completely is varied. One of the best things you can do is to address the anxiety that you have permanently damaged yourself. You can and will heal. Patience, acceptance and very basic life skills (eating right, sleeping well, exercising etc) are what is needed. I am experiencing memory loss for a very different reason (aging) and I know it can be a bitch. I try to make small adaptations but some of it actually gets better when I just accept that memory is not my strong point any longer. I imagine yours will return but it may be useful for the present to adopt that attitude. As far as the crying goes, let it happen. Tears create a healing hormone in the brain. I work with kids. I encourage them to cry whenever they feel the tears coming--especially the little boys. When I explain the science to them, it relieves some of the stigma. I know the world will demand they bottle it up later during adolescence but at least while they are in my sphere of influence I'm going to stand up for the health benefits of crying.

Thank you for your reply herbavore.

Without a doubt my anxiety has subsided considerably since the offset. I was experiencing panic attacks and a heavy lingering anxiety which stayed with me all a while. Now there is nothing more than a bit of residual anxiety which fluctuates from time to time. The thing is I don't think it's been case of me addressing the anxiety, and more of case of letting my brain/body re-establish an equilibrium given my drug use prior and the stupid dose which I took certainly had a detrimental effect on my brain. I was never any more anxious than a normal person before all this and after I found myself freaking out at random times for no reason whatsoever. Led me to start fearing that I was going mad or suffering from schizophrenia or something ridiculous.

About my memory. I found that to become a problem a few weeks after experiencing panic and anxiety. Both the memory problems and the derealisation both reared their ugly heads around the same time and I have a feeling the derealisation maybe somewhat causing it? I don't register the day's going by as well because of derealisation after all.

It's good to know people do get over it though. No matter how long it takes or how varied the time of recovery.

 

[paranoid android]

I had horrible Depersonalization and Derealization as well as brain fog due to non drug induced anxiety and when i finally got treatment for it it took maybe a week for my DP/DR and brain fog to lift once the anxiety went away. I guess i did take a short cut by going on Clonazepam but as it gave me my ife and emotions back i don't regret that one bit. It was as if i had been looking through a dirty window or a fucked up TV screen and i also experienced dulled emotions. Then one day that was all gone and everything seemed so much clearer. I have to admit having all that go away caused a flood of emotions and i remember breaking down and crying about a week into treatment because years of emotions that had been dulled back back and i was not ready for that. I remember crying for the first time for my best friend who had died a few years previous because i had not cried or should i say have been able to cry for his death because due to the DP/DR and brain fog i couldn't feel much of anything.

So don't worry if your emotions feel abit off when the DP/DR goes away as that is apparently quite common as i know a few other people who had this happen as well. Good luck on getting better and i hope you feel better soon