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Question from a 23 year old virgin (I know right, wtf?!)

Idk. I never got a herpes or the clap from a sock. A toilet bowl doesn't a agree to be friends with benifits, then get attached/jealous. But I hear what your saying.
 
you are deluding yourself if you think there is nothing wrong about being a 20something virgin in this era.
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In any era! In most periods you'd be dangerously near the end of your life by 29. Obviously don't know everyones reasons but 'waiting for the "one"' really is deluded, you might die today...
 
don't worry about sex much. if you had really wanted to get into the sex life, probably you wouldn't be a virgin yet. but its not a must to have sex and get in relationship in any age, its just an opportunity. im 22 virgin (well i had sex with hooker) but im not really into any relationship to share my own peacefull life with someone else. im just getting well on my own, and i never cared about other opinion about this. i hope it helped
 
ControlDenied said:
But I just got a msg from one of those "decently cute fatties", who claims she's losing weight fast too. this would be like the 100th time ive been hit on by fatties. i think this is also common obviously. since they are so much more humble, it wouldn't be a bad idea for "losing the cherry". i DONT want to break her heart, though; but then again, being too sensitive toward women is partly the problem here, anyway
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haha... I tried this once.

Desperate to lose my virginity, I pulled a very large woman as I saw her as an easy target.

She started to show real feelings towards me... I knew I was using her and going to break her heart... But at this point I was beyond care, I was tormented enough by my virginity and had lost woman in the past because of it... I couldn't go on like this, and decided it was a dog-eat-dog world and this time I had to employ some cold-heartedness if I was to survive.

Got her into bed, double dropped some Viagra to get me through it... But I hated every second... I just couldn't do it, I went and left her there... she was very upset...

So later I got in touch, and apologised. I told her why I seduced her and my problem. She was pissed off but appreciated my honesty, she was actually a really nice woman. She actually told me that she "respected me so much more" knowing I hadn't been promiscuous as it's "rare these days".

This really made me think. I always thought being a virgin made you a loser, never thought I'd be respected for it. Then I started to wonder what kind of woman cares about your experience? Certainly not one who has any care towards you.

I learnt that sexual experience is a fools game. All you're doing is risking having a child to someone who isn't a life partner, it doesn't appeal to someone who actually gives a shit about you... it only really appeals to someone who is going to use you.

So my advice to you, is - though I appreciate how difficult it can be - you need to man up. And by manning up I don't mean get a prossy for your birthday, that's the cowardly option that you're currently entertaining. Man up and have the confidence to be yourself and share this gift with someone who is worth it.
 
buffalobillygoat said:
In any era! In most periods you'd be dangerously near the end of your life by 29. Obviously don't know everyones reasons but 'waiting for the "one"' really is deluded, you might die today...
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I appreciate it's not ideal. I did actually find "the one", when I was 21. But it never transpired... she then got into some awful promiscuous relationships with some real creeps... I realised sex can be a really evil desire - remember your rapists and peadophiles are full of experience. Does that make them hero's?

I'm pretty proud to have kept my virginity. I keep it deliberately, if I wanted I could lose it tomorrow... but so aware of the awfulness of many promiscuous relationships I deliberately keep it.

We'll have to see what the future holds. If I find the right person and have a beautiful marriage and family life; then I'm a hero who was strong enough to defy all the social norms, follow his heart and do what was right. If it fails, well then i'm a failure and will have to hire a prozzie before its too late. lol
 
personally i dont think getting a hooker is the right way to go about this--sex is cool and all but why the fuck would you ever pay for it??

i guarantee that if you went to a bar tonight and played your cards right you could find a fat chick to fuck before the sun comes up. getting a girl to have sex with you can be difficult depending on the person, but it can also be easy as shit if you know how to talk to girls. its all about flirting--you have to make the girl comfortable with you first, make her laugh, maybe even share something personal that you guys could establish a baseline level of trust with. the trick is you need to reassure her that you are sexually interested and that she is sexually interested in you. its all in the eyes, in the body. use confident body language. when you brush up on her accidently dont immediately back away out of habit. you want to establish a mental, emotional, and physical connection piece by piece dictated by her reactions.

if you keep that up long enough, with enough alcohol (or drugs sometimes) you can get in the game. maybe youll only make out with said fat girl outside the seedy bar. maybe youll get a handjob in the back of your car. but either way youll get her number and you WILL be able to go to poundtown if you apply this method with enough confidence and perseverance. but also, part of getting laid is knowing when you are barking up the wrong tree. you have to understand through trial and error when a girl is playing hard to get or when she is plain not interested in banging. its important to know when to cut your losses

keep in mind you probably want to get a little bit of practice in before you start going for the keepers, if you know what im saying. out of sexual frustration i lost my virginity to a young lady that was no stranger to the D. but the fact that i had experience with her and a few others like her made the sex in the first real sexual relationship i had that much more satisfying.

good luck and godspeed.
 
you can "practice" with a "keeper" too though lol.

I personally don't think I could get into a fatty [fatnes turns me off a lot].

but im starting to think the prosty proxy is a bad protocol. it will make me feel frosty. im finding on the internet dating that after getting a lot of messages from girls, that, although i dont find very attractive, i got one from a cute girl and its all making me feel more confidence, im not sure why it took until my mid-20s to feel more confident around the opposite sex, but everyone is different. drug addiction does get in the way too and that includes pot. i know 2 religious girls 25+ that went from virgins to married and pregnant in under a year. while i find that very strange by my secular upbringing, its actually a lot more ideal than if they slept around until they were 25, had a couple half-assed boyfriends, then finally met a serious guy at 32, then had kids at the "ripe old age" of 36...{ what i mean is: i think that can happen to people who get caught up in having sex for fun too much - they ironically stay kids longer than people who go for a "keeper" as soon as they can. in the end, whether you are aware or not, sex is for making babies, and all the behaviour around it reflects that. which explains why some people are wary of sex with having sex with anyone but the "right" person. maybe we are more attuned to the pregnancy aspect, however easy to control it is in modern times}
 
ControlDenied said:
but im starting to think the prosty proxy is a bad protocol. it will make me feel frosty. im finding on the internet dating that after getting a lot of messages from girls, that, although i dont find very attractive, i got one from a cute girl and its all making me feel more confidence, im not sure why it took until my mid-20s to feel more confident around the opposite sex, but everyone is different. drug addiction does get in the way too and that includes pot. i know 2 religious girls 25+ that went from virgins to married and pregnant in under a year. while i find that very strange by my secular upbringing, its actually a lot more ideal than if they slept around until they were 25, had a couple half-assed boyfriends, then finally met a serious guy at 32, then had kids at the "ripe old age" of 36...{ what i mean is: i think that can happen to people who get caught up in having sex for fun too much - they ironically stay kids longer than people who go for a "keeper" as soon as they can. in the end, whether you are aware or not, sex is for making babies, and all the behaviour around it reflects that. which explains why some people are wary of sex with having sex with anyone but the "right" person. maybe we are more attuned to the pregnancy aspect, however easy to control it is in modern times}
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Good post Control Denied. I'm glad to see you have a comprehension that sex outside of a life-long partner is meaningless, does no good at all and you only risk having a child to someone you don't care about. It's an immoral act in itself. You've seperated the egoistic element of sex from the practical use of it, and that puts you ahead of most people your age.

ControlDenied said:
i got one from a cute girl and its all making me feel more confidence
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We're dealing with self-perception here. Attention from attractive girls increases your esteem. Actual sex then would surely be a great confidence booster for you... but these become egoistic issues.
 
raas_2012 said:
Good post Control Denied. I'm glad to see you have a comprehension that sex outside of a life-long partner is meaningless, does no good at all and you only risk having a child to someone you don't care about. It's an immoral act in itself. You've seperated the egoistic element of sex from the practical use of it, and that puts you ahead of most people your age.
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so how do you know its so meaningless? ( Last time i checked raas you were a virgin with no first hand knowledge of this subject at all)
 
lol. i dont have strict views one way or another.

i certainly dont believe in true love to be honest, i think true love is just being so sick of "looking" for the right person that you settle for the best person at the right moment.

and as a guy, im horny, and to be honest i dont feel like getting my heart ripped to shreds repeatedly, so im not looking for either short term OR long term specifically, im just looking for love IN GENERAL...certainly, even a one night stand is a form of love, just much more brief and more painful in the short term. on other hand, dunno if icould handle long term relationship. i feel like most girls use guys for love the same way guys use girls for sex.

one sidde of me thinks sex is something magical and special and should be saved for the right person. the other side think the right person is just a cop out to admitting virginity is useless, there is no ultimate romantic love, and getting your willy wet is a vital element for happiness in a man's life. so now im back to several sleazy options........... some of which i will not say because they're not PC enough even for bluelight. let's just say the age of consent here is 16, go fuck yourselves. it's about time someone take a stand against sterile PC liberalism. [warning: the opinions expressed above are all talk and no action. any offense can be taken, and plugged like the E you so desire in your rectums, you goddamn e-tard sluts.]
 
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Sex just for the sake of having sex is never meaningless =D . It's basically as natural of a need as food so yeah it's not exactly a bad thing in my opinion. Though having sex in a relationship is much better i am not going to go with someone just for the sake of being in a relationship as i have been there, done that and fuck that misery. If i find the right person perfect if not i'll just find someone else for a night ;)
 
yeh i dont see the problem with sex for the sake of sex. without it a lot of us wouldn't exist, sadly, probably at least 50% of even the 1st world's population is produced through shallow sexual relationships. and to be honest. "shallow" is a relative term. going out with someone just because you fool each other into thinking there's love when there's not, having kids then divorcing after 5 years of misery, is in a sense MORE shallow [more deceptive]. I think, to me, LOVE for the sake of love is more damaging than sex for the sake of sex- heartbreak is one of the worst types of pain, whereas sex is just a basic need. and shallow love-relationships always end in misery.

not to make this my journal, but the dating on the internet thing is a miserable failure. i attract the fuck out of girls who, in real life, i would be out of THEIR league, and thats just barely, and girls who are normally in my league are completely unobtainable. there's a lot of people trolling on the internet, girls at least IME, who are basically playing with guys head and shopping around endlessly for a guy to date never really ready to go on the 1st date, or past it, while all these guys think it might turn out well, id say at least 90% of the pretty girls on dating sites are fucking around and basically sociopaths. i mean really... why in FUCK would a hot young girl need the internet? okay, maybe SOME might be shy, whatever, so 10% are genuinely looking. think of how many trolls there are on all sites...think of the things people say on youtube for example...then put those type of people in a dating site... ungodly.
 
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^ summarize that shit you dang foo, I ain't radin no entire novel to understand a random internet chap's Manner of Thought.
 
LOL.. hold on i will see if i can pull up..

EDIT: there is alot of good stuff in this chapter and this book and I would take a look anyone who has a little time.. but I pulled this for relavence.. page 124

"What the troubadours did give us is a particular myth of “true” love—the
idea that real love burns brightly and passionately, and then it just keeps on
burning until death, and then it just keeps on burning after death as the
lovers are reunited in heaven. This myth seems to have grown and diffused
in modern times into a set of interrelated ideas about love and marriage. As
I see it, the modern myth of true love involves these beliefs: True love is
passionate love that never fades; if you are in true love, you should marry
that person; if love ends, you should leave that person because it was not
true love; and if you can find the right person, you will have true love forever.
You might not believe this myth yourself, particularly if you are older
than thirty; but many young people in Western nations are raised on it, and
it acts as an ideal that they unconsciously carry with them even if they scoff
at it. (It’s not just Hollywood that perpetrates the myth; Bollywood, the Indian film industry, is even more romanticized.)"

But if true love is defined as eternal passion, it is biologically impossible.
To see this, and to save the dignity of love, you have to understand the difference between two kinds of love: passionate and companionate. According to the love researchers Ellen Berscheid and Elaine Walster, passionate
love is a “wildly emotional state in which tender and sexual feelings, elation
and pain, anxiety and relief, altruism and jealousy coexist in a confusion of
feelings.”36 Passionate love is the love you fall into. It is what happens
when Cupid’s golden arrow hits your heart, and, in an instant, the world
around you is transformed. You crave union with your beloved. You want,
somehow, to crawl into each other. This is the urge that Plato captured in
The Symposium, in which Aristophanes’ toast to love is a myth about its origins. Aristophanes says that people originally had four legs, four arms, and
two faces, but one day the gods felt threatened by the power and arrogance
of human beings and decided to cut them in half. Ever since that day,
people have wandered the world searching for their other halves. (Some
people originally had two male faces, some two female, and the rest a male
and a female, thereby explaining the diversity of sexual orientation.) As
proof, Aristophanes asks us to imagine that Hephaestus (the god of fire

and hence of blacksmiths) were to come upon two lovers as they lay together in an embrace, and say to them:
What is it you human beings really want from each other? . . . Is this
your heart’s desire, then—for the two of you to become parts of the same
whole, as near as can be, and never to separate, day or night? Because if
that’s your desire, I’d like to weld you together and join you into something that is naturally whole, so that the two of you are made into one.
Then the two of you would share one life, as long as you lived, because
you would be one being, and by the same token, when you died, you
would be one and not two in Hades, having died a single death. Look at
your love, and see if this is what you desire.37
Aristophanes says that no lovers would turn down such an offer.
Berscheid and Walster define companionate love, in contrast, as “the
affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined.”38
Companionate love grows slowly over the years as lovers apply their attachment and caregiving systems to each other, and as they begin to rely upon,
care for, and trust each other. If the metaphor for passionate love is fire,
the metaphor for companionate love is vines growing, intertwining, and
gradually binding two people together. The contrast of wild and calm forms
of love has occurred to people in many cultures. As a woman in a huntergatherer tribe in Namibia put it: “When two people come together their
hearts are on fire and their passion is very great. After a while, the fire cools
and that’s how it stays.”39
Passionate love is a drug. Its symptoms overlap with those of heroin (euphoric well-being, sometimes described in sexual terms) and cocaine (euphoria combined with giddiness and energy).40 It’s no wonder: Passionate love
alters the activity of several parts of the brain, including parts that are involved in the release of dopamine.41Any experience that feels intensely good
releases dopamine, and the dopamine link is crucial here because drugs that
artificially raise dopamine levels, as do heroin and cocaine, put you at risk of
addiction. If you take cocaine once a month, you won’t become addicted, but
if you take it every day, you will. No drug can keep you continuously high.
The brain reacts to a chronic surplus of dopamine, develops neurochemical

reactions that oppose it, and restores its own equilibrium. At that point, tolerance has set in, and when the drug is withdrawn, the brain is unbalanced in
the opposite direction: pain, lethargy, and despair follow withdrawal from cocaine or from passionate love.
So if passionate love is a drug—literally a drug—it has to wear off eventually. Nobody can stay high forever (although if you find passionate love in
a long-distance relationship, it’s like taking cocaine once a month; the drug
can retain its potency because of your suffering between doses). If passionate love is allowed to run its joyous course, there must come a day when it
weakens. One of the lovers usually feels the change first. It’s like waking
up from a shared dream to see your sleeping partner drooling. In those moments of returning sanity, the lover may see flaws and defects to which she
was blind before. The beloved falls off the pedestal, and then, because our
minds are so sensitive to changes, her change in feeling can take on exaggerated importance. “Oh, my God,” she thinks, “the magic has worn off—
I’m not in love with him anymore.” If she subscribes to the myth of true
love, she might even consider breaking up with him. After all, if the magic
ended, it can’t be true love. But if she does end the relationship, she might
be making a mistake.
 
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