question bout suboxone and what to do next

blman1013

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Jan 2, 2013
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Hi all. I'd write more but im not feeling the greatest at the moment. Long story short I was on extremely heavy doeses of opiods for a yr and a half. Started out at 5mg oxy up to 1000mg plus of oxy or a gram of diamorphine(heroin) a day. But that's all over. I've been clean from everything and I mean everything for 8 months. I got on suboxone and started out on 3 strips 8mg a day and now am down to 4mg half a strip a day. Everything was going good and as I was slowly tapering I was Ok and could deal with it. Also I feel like I have some sort of problem, I don't know what it is but I've felt itall my life . Possibley extreme anxiety? I get nervous and have trouble communicating with people. And this has been all my life, I'm 19 now. The suboxone has helped me not be sick but I just don't feel like I am completely functioning at 100% in my mind if that makes sense. It seems like these past 8 months have just been a foggy cloud in my mind and I just don't know what I need to do. I don't feel like going back to using so that's not the problem at all. Its just that I still don't feel right and even before I started heroin I still felt this sort of weird anxiety feeling. Now when I see the doctors I think that they all think I'm pulling their leg trying to get a benzo prescribed but that is not the case. I will never abuse a drug ever again I am past that. And ya blah blah i have hobbies and all that but still I don't feel right :/meh

I was actually on more like 1.5grams of heroin or 1500mg oxy a day. And i only ever got 85% plus pure stuff too.I don't know why I said 1000mg. Could this dose have messed me up even more permanently?

One last edit. And I'm not a big dude at all. 5'7" and weigh 165-170ish
 
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Howdy BL,
Ehhh, this sounds familiar to me man. After amphetamine abuse in high school I felt the same way for a long time. To me it seems as if your symptoms are a sign of depression or GAD. I know others on this fourm are not going to like me saying so, but I got on SSRIs and it helped me immensely. I have been through opiate addiction as well (13 days clean now) and the PAWs (post acute withdrawl) symptoms are exasperating your previous symptoms. And in my humble opinion, the SSRI (SNRI for me) helped a lot.

Just a thought.

STAY CLEAN MAN! Good work on cleaning up. Wish I did it at 19 instead of 26.
 
Nice buddy I'm glad that you've been clean for 13 days off opiates..congrats! Its hard but worth it hu. And yeah I think I may have some underlying depression I've never got taken care of. Like depression that's been here my whole life. But the bad thing is, I've tried about 4 different SSRIs I can think of and they made me fee HORRIBLE. just absolutely positively so so so so so so so soooo much worse than I already am so in know those aren't for me but thanks for suggesting them. I've tried many other things such as visatril, amitryptaline, and just a bunch of other ridiculous medicines that have either did absolutely nothing or made me feel SO much worse. I go to the Dr tomorrow and I go every month and for the past year he's been putting me on a different medicine each month so its been at least 12medicines ive been on and nothing has helped me feel any better nowlt even a little bit. And yes I know its not good to constantly experiment with a new medication every month and yes people in know I shouldn't need medicine to feel normal but I do. Something if deficient in my brain and only the right medication can help. So no one tell me I don't need to not take anything and be natural because that doesn't work for me. I need something but haven't found it. In my past the only thing that's worked for me slightly was klonopin and that was like 3 years ago now. I wasn't rxed it of course but i was on it at 2-4mg a day I can't remember exactly. When I was on this I tryely for the first time ever felt slightly more normal. I also tried xanax on another occasion and it helped me but not as much. I feel like only benzos will be my life saver but I doubt ill ever even get the chance to get prescribed them with my history :( it sucks because I sure as hell wouldn't abuse them but they really work on me
 
Hey blman.. and welcome to bluelight. congratulations on all that you have worked towards and accomplished so far. thats quite the feat.. I think it really important for us to realize and more important to give ourselves the credit we deserve.. shit i even give myself credit for giving myself credit. I just did right now.. everytime we give yourself credit we get a shot of dopamine and we feal better, the better we feal the more positive our thought are naturally. The more positive our thought are the better we feal. and then the better we feal the even more positive our thoughts become. So its like a snow ball effect. It works the same way as how if we choose to think about something the wrong way and start the fuck this this sucks.. the minute we do this thant it starts to suck, so we feal poorly or frustrated or angry and then the quality of our thoughts become negative which makes us feal worse which makes us think even worse thoughts..

In recovery and especially when we are in the PAWS it really makes a huge difference to not take ourselves or anything serious enough to make us unhappy. because when we start to take things to serious we can be making a descion to make ourselves and our live a serious chore.

We need to always seek out how we can look at anything as positive instead of deciding that what we are expecting is bad. There are some threads that help get us into the swing of starting to change the way we choose to look at he world and whats happening in our lives. In every situation there are infinite way we can choose to see things. We need to learn how to stay positive all the time.. if we choose to start6 focussing on a what we can tell ourselves is lamn and shitty then all of the sudden we are surrounded by shit and we have to do all this lamn stuff. But if we learn how to always keep it positive we find that nothing bad happens. sure the same shit happens to some extent but we just know better than to decide that it sucks and then have to plod through something that sucks. Ever wonder why so many bad things happen? They dont;)

Here is some good information on paws and some links to threads that help allot of keep our thought right were the belong to enjoy a positive and peaceful experience in life and recovery.

We as adicts and people in recovery and PAWS have a very strong emotional response.. this can make dealing with emotions really unpleasant and can make us really want to relapse. But thier is a silver lining and it really is quite the lining. As our emotional response is so strong we can flip it around an make it something that we are glad we have. As their are both positive emotions as well as negative one, So if we flip out thinking to really positive then we will experience really strong positive emotions and moods. so if we can really chose to live in a place chalked full of strong posetive emotions and moods that have us feeling amazing for long periods.

ao here are some threads that allot of use to help to begin to switch the way we traditionally have our focus, which we as addicts are often driven to do such amazing things to find relife from the many times we are focused on the bad and making ourselves miserable with our own thoughts.

PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki
Exercise and Mood

Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Managing depressive thinking

it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!
Here is the mindfulness thread.


i also had very bad social anxiety as well as generalized anxiety. This is almost a requirement for addicts. But it has a root and I will explain what I think is the root for you by giving you a run down of what I learned about the causes, why I used to feal this way, and what i did to address the roots and in doing so I have ridiculous amounts of self confidence, I no longer give a rats as what others think about me or what I do. I you like me this may have been on of the reasons you liked drugs so much way back when you initially started. as it is a very common trait we addicts have and was usually something we struggled with long before the drugs came into the picture. For some people it been there there whole lives and some people it seems to start latter and puberty is also a really common time for the symptoms to apeare or become significantly stronger.

It is also important that we address and work on this as we usually all have really strong and wrapped up emotions it can make it really uncomfortable to live with naturally strong emotions like anxiety and any others as well. It then gets wramped up ever more when we eliminate the drugs. This likely has to do with our brains always trying to return to where they are naturally.

So in doing this our brains have been ramping up our emotional response to gt it closer to where it was before we introduced the drugs but now its had to become more powerful to compensate for the drugs we had added.. Si the brain will wrmp up the emotional power and at the same time through tolerance wramp down the effects the drugs actually have. So what started out as a possible solution in the begging often turns against us in a big way as the emotions get stronger and stronger at the same time the drugs have less and less positive effects. The when we detox we take the drugs right out of the equation and we are left thinking and feeling awful. with super human emotions.

I will stop back into this thread and give you a nice rundown on what I was able to determine was the reasons for my anxiety and how I was able to address the situation for myself in hopes that some of it may help you as well.

You doing great and once again nice work!!=D
 
Try to taper down to 1-2mg/day.

If you get off suboxone you should be able to find someone to script you benzo's, but I doubt it will be the life saver you think it might be.
 
I've tried about 4 different SSRIs I can think of and they made me fee HORRIBLE. just absolutely positively so so so so so so so soooo much worse than I already am so in know those aren't for me but thanks for suggesting them.

Thanks for the props, I do appreciate it and it certainly is hard and worth it.

You know, Subs are an opiate and perhaps you should taper off those as well. Then the real healing can begin. I know it sounds like hell to think about being completely sober but like I said, I wish I did it at your age since it needs to / will happen eventually. And like Zerr said, perhaps once your off Subs, you can get clonozepam scripted if it really helped you that much.

Curious, you try Effexor (venlaxafine) for depression/GAD?
 
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