Titus
Bluelighter
Considering going to see a dr for suboxone. I've been reluctant to do this because of my PTSD and difficulites with life as I get older I feel as though I may have to apply for disability at some point. I'm in my mid-40;s and have worked bascially my entire life. I have a history of alcohol abuse 20 years ago and ptsd from childhood and depression I have been in and out of treatment for those for hte past 14 years or so.
I am concerned that if I start on suboxone through a dr's prescription and things take another turn for hte worse (got warnings at my job due to triggering of PTSD through my works screw ups and have been having a harder and harder time functioning due to life stress and not being able to be prescribed a benzo (klonopin is what I need and was recommended by a neurologist) because of my history of alcohol abuse. The psych i was seeing at the time prescribed me clonodine. And I've been through this with several psychiatrists and general practictioners, they all won't prescribe me a benzo b/c of my distant history of alcohol abuse. I"ve always been honest about it. THey give me anti-d's which don't touch my anxiety. I've taken other stuff too, mood stabilizer, non addictive anti anxity like buspar. They don't work and klonopin dose best. I get them off the street.
I've used opiates for the past couple of years and suboxone off the street. I would be safest with a regular supply of suboxone, and cheaper if by a doctor. And I can function at work and home with klonopin or another anti anxiety.
But I"m concerned that if I start seeing a suboxone doctor and a couple or few years from now start getting even worse mentally/emotionally/psychiatrically and apply for disabilty through work and/or through the government they will try to say my problem is substance abuse and I'd be denied disability for that.
I don't want to be on disability. I was homeless when I was 25 and that was when I was 2 months sober from alcohol, I basically forced my parents to kick me out of their house by telling them all the things they did wrong to me when I was young and it upset them and they were like "your 25 and don't like it here, you have to leave" after I came home from an alcohol treatment center and learned about my mother emotionally incesting me (I already knew aobut all the other abuse and molestation, etc and didn't have basic life skills and was a total basket case and couldn't get a job because I was too afraid of people, I oculdn't even go to a place and ask for an applicatioin because of the incredible shame I had, etc, etc.
I became homeless and people tried to stear me to getting on disability or SSI and I was determined to habilitate myself and did. I have since worked with others who have significant problems and help them rehabilitate themselves, my personal experience makes it natural for me and I'm great at it.
But mentally and physically I've been deteriorating. My memory is that of a 70 year old. I've abused drugs and alcohol but it all stems from my PTSD. And when I tried to get into serious psychotherapy to address the abuse and the impact it has on me I lost it and went off the deep end. I don't want ot get into details but a whole can of worms was open that neither I nor the psychologist were equiped to deal with. I cut the therapy and thankfully didn't hurt anyone.
Now I feel that suboxone would help me and also a suboxone dr might be more likely to prescribe me klonopin when the past 6 psychiatrists wouldn't prescribe any benzo. But I dont 'want ot set myself up to be denied disability if I really need it as a last option and think that being in treatment for drug abuse could interfere with it should I really need it. That will be my 'current' mental health trreatment and drug abuse is not a reason they grant disability, it's areason they deny it. I've worked too hard and suffered too much to risk being denied disabilty when I was steered towards that when I was homeless by social workers 20 years ago and resisted that and fought damn hard to be able to be gainfully employed. And I want to continue.
Ideally I could get a dr to prescribe me klonopin for my ptsd and for a certain sleep disorder I have secondary to ptsd that the neurologist said klonopin is the drug used for htat.
But my main question is thoughts on getting into substance abuse threatement via suboxone at age 45 when I might have to apply for disabilty within the next 10 years. Then that will be my currrent 'issue' as far as those paid to evaluate potential disabiity applicants and potentially screen them out. I've never been to a psychiatric hospital so my ptsd isn't that bad, i've been able to keep a job but over the past 3 years have been out on family medical leave act like 5 times because of mental health (not drug) issues.
thoughs? I know I threw a lot out there but have a family and have to think of my wife and especially my baby. Without an income I'm up the creek and I'll be damed if I'm going to jeapordize my childs well being, I"m a great father despite being raised by parents and grand parents who abused and neglected me. Every day is a challenge for me. I need to think of what will be best for my future and disabilty is unfortunately a possible outcome due to my illness and being less able to tolerate life stress and negotiate life and work. I don't want ot have to quit my current job and take a job sweeping floors in a grocery store after hours becuase it's the only job I can handle due to not being able to handle stress like normal people. I would have to seek disability to have my family have a chance to live.
Any advice appreciated. I can get suboxone off the street and do that and take very small doses now with only occasional use of opiates. And I don't abuse benzo's or any other drugs. I just can't get benzos from a dr and can't work without them.
I am concerned that if I start on suboxone through a dr's prescription and things take another turn for hte worse (got warnings at my job due to triggering of PTSD through my works screw ups and have been having a harder and harder time functioning due to life stress and not being able to be prescribed a benzo (klonopin is what I need and was recommended by a neurologist) because of my history of alcohol abuse. The psych i was seeing at the time prescribed me clonodine. And I've been through this with several psychiatrists and general practictioners, they all won't prescribe me a benzo b/c of my distant history of alcohol abuse. I"ve always been honest about it. THey give me anti-d's which don't touch my anxiety. I've taken other stuff too, mood stabilizer, non addictive anti anxity like buspar. They don't work and klonopin dose best. I get them off the street.
I've used opiates for the past couple of years and suboxone off the street. I would be safest with a regular supply of suboxone, and cheaper if by a doctor. And I can function at work and home with klonopin or another anti anxiety.
But I"m concerned that if I start seeing a suboxone doctor and a couple or few years from now start getting even worse mentally/emotionally/psychiatrically and apply for disabilty through work and/or through the government they will try to say my problem is substance abuse and I'd be denied disability for that.
I don't want to be on disability. I was homeless when I was 25 and that was when I was 2 months sober from alcohol, I basically forced my parents to kick me out of their house by telling them all the things they did wrong to me when I was young and it upset them and they were like "your 25 and don't like it here, you have to leave" after I came home from an alcohol treatment center and learned about my mother emotionally incesting me (I already knew aobut all the other abuse and molestation, etc and didn't have basic life skills and was a total basket case and couldn't get a job because I was too afraid of people, I oculdn't even go to a place and ask for an applicatioin because of the incredible shame I had, etc, etc.
I became homeless and people tried to stear me to getting on disability or SSI and I was determined to habilitate myself and did. I have since worked with others who have significant problems and help them rehabilitate themselves, my personal experience makes it natural for me and I'm great at it.
But mentally and physically I've been deteriorating. My memory is that of a 70 year old. I've abused drugs and alcohol but it all stems from my PTSD. And when I tried to get into serious psychotherapy to address the abuse and the impact it has on me I lost it and went off the deep end. I don't want ot get into details but a whole can of worms was open that neither I nor the psychologist were equiped to deal with. I cut the therapy and thankfully didn't hurt anyone.
Now I feel that suboxone would help me and also a suboxone dr might be more likely to prescribe me klonopin when the past 6 psychiatrists wouldn't prescribe any benzo. But I dont 'want ot set myself up to be denied disability if I really need it as a last option and think that being in treatment for drug abuse could interfere with it should I really need it. That will be my 'current' mental health trreatment and drug abuse is not a reason they grant disability, it's areason they deny it. I've worked too hard and suffered too much to risk being denied disabilty when I was steered towards that when I was homeless by social workers 20 years ago and resisted that and fought damn hard to be able to be gainfully employed. And I want to continue.
Ideally I could get a dr to prescribe me klonopin for my ptsd and for a certain sleep disorder I have secondary to ptsd that the neurologist said klonopin is the drug used for htat.
But my main question is thoughts on getting into substance abuse threatement via suboxone at age 45 when I might have to apply for disabilty within the next 10 years. Then that will be my currrent 'issue' as far as those paid to evaluate potential disabiity applicants and potentially screen them out. I've never been to a psychiatric hospital so my ptsd isn't that bad, i've been able to keep a job but over the past 3 years have been out on family medical leave act like 5 times because of mental health (not drug) issues.
thoughs? I know I threw a lot out there but have a family and have to think of my wife and especially my baby. Without an income I'm up the creek and I'll be damed if I'm going to jeapordize my childs well being, I"m a great father despite being raised by parents and grand parents who abused and neglected me. Every day is a challenge for me. I need to think of what will be best for my future and disabilty is unfortunately a possible outcome due to my illness and being less able to tolerate life stress and negotiate life and work. I don't want ot have to quit my current job and take a job sweeping floors in a grocery store after hours becuase it's the only job I can handle due to not being able to handle stress like normal people. I would have to seek disability to have my family have a chance to live.
Any advice appreciated. I can get suboxone off the street and do that and take very small doses now with only occasional use of opiates. And I don't abuse benzo's or any other drugs. I just can't get benzos from a dr and can't work without them.
