• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Pushing people away

If you find it difficult to put into words how you feel, write it down (song/poem) and share it. If it doesn't work, then you may find yourself in a similar situation down the road. I would sometimes make read my notes in phone calls, but I think they knew I was just running game and saw through my bullshit.
 
Really I was just so nervous to talk to some of them. But a good wingman will help see you through it. Group theory, if you have an army, then your balls are humongous. If you're by yourself, confidence is all you need.
 
madness00 said:
I don't get it isn't that pretty universal?

Enjoying people and wanting to progress.

I could think of more.
Click to expand...
Just your phrasing which is pretty typical ASPD. “I want to make it in life and you need to get along with people to do so.” It’s a means to an end. Probably feels like a chore I’d imagine.

As for love, you know yourself how your relationships have gone. You’ve said they are always one sided. Do you want to be loved because you actually want it or do you want it because it’s been pushed down your throat by society? The white picket fence, wife and 2 kids etc etc.

Im not saying you couldn’t find love if you wanted to but it’s going to take a lot of effort and work on your side to maintain it.
 
MsDiz said:
As for love, you know yourself how your relationships have gone. You’ve said they are always one sided. Do you want to be loved because you actually want it or do you want it because it’s been pushed down your throat by society? The white picket fence, wife and 2 kids etc etc.
Click to expand...

I feel warm and complete in a relationship, actually. It builds over time.
 
MsDiz said:
Well then you need to figure out why you haven’t been able to maintain them or what’s gone wrong so the next time you are in a relationship you can ensure you’re not making the same mistakes.
Click to expand...

I have ideas @MsDiz its just hard to recognize before it happens sometimes so i want to catch myself.
 
madness00 said:
I have ideas @MsDiz its just hard to recognize before it happens sometimes so i want to catch myself.
Click to expand...
You just need to keep that awareness in the forefront of your mind then.

I’d honestly concentrate on the basics first though. Get your life sorted, you’re talking about new housing, getting back into your field of work etc. Get that shit down and then start thinking of love.
 
MsDiz said:
You just need to keep that awareness in the forefront of your mind then.

I’d honestly concentrate on the basics first though. Get your life sorted, you’re talking about new housing, getting back into your field of work etc. Get that shit down and then start thinking of love.
Click to expand...

Also, everyone wants to matter.
 
madness00 said:
Also, everyone wants to matter.
Click to expand...
What do you mean by everyone wants to matter? If you’re talking about yourself, you do matter to people, even with your ASPD. You give good advice on BL all the time, I see it.

Also, this thread is an excellent example of ASPD presentation. At the start of the thread read how you’re responding or questioning. As the thread goes on you drop your pretence, by the last few posts you’re clinical in your answers. It only took a few pages. Do you get what I’m saying? If it’s hard to keep up a pretence online it must be even more difficult in real life. This is not your fault either. You can’t be something you aren’t. You just have to learn to make the most out of what you have.

I will reiterate that people have misconceptions in regards to ASPD. You also are young enough that you really could get benefit from therapy if you actually engage in it. I’ve no doubt you could do really well in your chosen field at work either.
 
madness00 said:
It used to be me wanting to leave a mark.

Now it's me wanting to love.

Not saying i haven't before.

Stoned AF sorry if that doesn't follow.
Click to expand...
I understand and I realise it’s hard for you. It must be lonely. Please do try to engage with your psychologist though. She’s not trying to get one over you, she really will want to just help. You have to meet her halfway.
 
MsDiz said:
I understand and I realise it’s hard for you. It must be lonely. Please do try to engage with your psychologist though. She’s not trying to get one over you, she really will want to just help. You have to meet her halfway.
Click to expand...

She does feel better as we go. I start to trust her more.

I can give and take well and don't go out of my way to disturb people.
 
I used to be much the same way...easy to get along with initially, but the more people got to know me the more I alienated them. Just life and experience has taught me to not worry about how everyone else feels. If they don't like me that's fine by me. I don't exist to please everyone else. People who don't like me??? that's THEIR problem, not mine. I guess the bottom line is you have to learn to live inside your own skin and not worry how everyone else views you. I have zero problems telling people to piss off or cutting them out of my life. I don't have many friends and frankly don't trust many people to be my friend. I have myself, my wife and my son..Everyone else is just there decorating the scenery and I don't particularly like the way they decorate anyway.
 
Purposefull said:
I used to be much the same way...easy to get along with initially, but the more people got to know me the more I alienated them. Just life and experience has taught me to not worry about how everyone else feels. If they don't like me that's fine by me. I don't exist to please everyone else. People who don't like me??? that's THEIR problem, not mine. I guess the bottom line is you have to learn to live inside your own skin and not worry how everyone else views you. I have zero problems telling people to piss off or cutting them out of my life. I don't have many friends and frankly don't trust many people to be my friend. I have myself, my wife and my son..Everyone else is just there decorating the scenery and I don't particularly like the way they decorate anyway.
Click to expand...

Yeah, i hear you.


It's definitely the haters problem. You can't please everyone. Don't worry about how others feel. Etc etc.

But, if you could make it out, these notions are actually perpetuating my problems.

I don't want to place blame. I don't want to dismiss people.

I want what everyone else works toward.

Stable, healthy relationships.

I thought about deleting this thread a couple times now. It's a bit strange, this thread. Not a great ad.

Though getting things like this out in text is both cathartic and mentally stimulating.

I am lucky to have friends such as @Atelier3 and @MsDiz.

And thanks to everyone else who posted.

I am out of here for now.
 
Hi everyone. I'm gonna be blunt: I can't stand being around someone that always feels they are right and needs to say it. We all think we're right - right? Why else would we talk about something? Sometimes they are right and I'm not, but no one likes being told they are wrong. There are good ways to say something and bad ways. You could say, "Here's how I see it" and explain the way you see it (even if you know you are right). That way, you aren't saying "you're wrong" - just instead sharing your point of view just like the other person did. Sometimes both people are right - it really depends on the context of how they are thinking and their life experiences.

Learn to listen more than you talk. Good friends want good conversation, but part of being a friend to someone means you will give them time to talk even if it bores you. The good times make up for the little times you give someone your ear when you aren't interested.

Nothing feels less friendly than a friend that doesn't stay in touch. If you can go a year without calling a friend (or they can with you) - that's no friendship. Take the time to call or text once in a while and ask them how they are doing - then let them tell you without judgement. They will do the same for you if they are a good friend. This is a lesson for me as well.

Anyone that hopes to have lasting friendships needs to accept that none of us are perfect. We are all flawed and make mistakes. We are all sad at times, happy at other times - and we all have different opinions that we each need to be a little tolerant of. Instead of expecting perfection in others, learn to accept the good that is there in them.

There are toxic people out there that just don't make a good match with others. Learn to spot them and keep a distance, but for the others that you find some joy in knowing - love everyone else as much as you can.

Peace,
Dale
 
Last edited:
SoCal424 said:
Learn to listen more than you talk. Good friends want good conversation, but part of being a friend to someone means you will give them time to talk even if it bores you. The good times make up for the little times you give someone your ear when you aren't interested.

Nothing feels less friendly than a friend that doesn't stay in touch. If you can go a year without calling a friend (or they can with you) - that's no friendship. Take the time to call or text once in a while and ask them how they are doing - then let them tell you without judgement. They will do the same for you if they are a good friend. This is a lesson for me as well.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your post.

I do a lot of listening. IRL i don't really say much. I get rid of the unnecessary so that the necessary can speak. Unless im just venting to someone.

In regards to keeping in touch - out of sight out of mind (i do think of people of course, i just don't reach out). This ones difficult for me. I'll keep your words in mind and when i find someone special to me i will try to keep in touch.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top