Didn't really plan to. My friend had a tiny bit of meth left and it's pretty potent and kept me up, but kinda in that not so great way where you ARE tired but you don't have any benzos... and not hyper enough to do something interesting. So I played with my digital camera of a few hours. Shot some interesting things but nothing totally amazing. Am supposed to get my benzo prescription tomorrow, was supposed to have it already but it didn't happen, so I have been nervous. The downside of meth for me. I don't really enjoy the HIGH, I like just cruising on it at a nice, enrgetic but not totally tweaked out level.
Began to feel guilty about my recent uses. Since I was clean for a year (cuz I had to be) and I did use a few times in the last few months, this is the first time I'm buying a little stash for myself in over a year, of meth. Sounds dumb, but I was missing it kinda like it was a person. I never felt guilty even when I was a heavy user, but yesterday something sad happened at home, and I totally felt like a piece of shit just for putting some of my money towards drugs again. *I* know I am ok with it, but I started thinking how pissed and disappointed some other people would be with me if they knew. (I mean, it is my own earned money, and I am not neglecting to pay anything I need to pay or whatever.)
I just started feeling lame. It is hard, because I live with my family and not on my own as I did for a long time, and I am stuck here for awhile without much independence at all. It's like being 15 years old when I am 34. But really I have no other good options right now, as far as living situations.
I know meth is a selfish thing to me, it's because I like to keep my weight low and I like to feel the extra energy when I need it. It's not like when i roll/GHB when I feel YES it IS great to me but it is also totally about the interconnections and understandings with others, not just because i want to utilize it for my own reasons.
Well I know I'll make my stash last a lot longer than I used to in the past because my tolerance is so low and I know how to hold my drugs a lot better now. The last thing I want is people to think I am really crazy or whacked out. Even though I say I don't want to be judged, i know everyone is totally judged even if unfairly.
Began to feel guilty about my recent uses. Since I was clean for a year (cuz I had to be) and I did use a few times in the last few months, this is the first time I'm buying a little stash for myself in over a year, of meth. Sounds dumb, but I was missing it kinda like it was a person. I never felt guilty even when I was a heavy user, but yesterday something sad happened at home, and I totally felt like a piece of shit just for putting some of my money towards drugs again. *I* know I am ok with it, but I started thinking how pissed and disappointed some other people would be with me if they knew. (I mean, it is my own earned money, and I am not neglecting to pay anything I need to pay or whatever.)
I just started feeling lame. It is hard, because I live with my family and not on my own as I did for a long time, and I am stuck here for awhile without much independence at all. It's like being 15 years old when I am 34. But really I have no other good options right now, as far as living situations.
I know meth is a selfish thing to me, it's because I like to keep my weight low and I like to feel the extra energy when I need it. It's not like when i roll/GHB when I feel YES it IS great to me but it is also totally about the interconnections and understandings with others, not just because i want to utilize it for my own reasons.
Well I know I'll make my stash last a lot longer than I used to in the past because my tolerance is so low and I know how to hold my drugs a lot better now. The last thing I want is people to think I am really crazy or whacked out. Even though I say I don't want to be judged, i know everyone is totally judged even if unfairly.