Psychedelics, my love affair.

[adamski10]

[a brief introduction, I’m an 18 year old who’s been into the scene for over five years now. Main experience is with cannabis, cocaine, heroin, mephedrone, 2ce,2ci,2cc,2cp,2cd,2cb… 4-ho-met (everything in the frank booklet minus the steroids]

I thought this was the correct place for such musings, it seems that in this virtual community I may find some people who can empathise with my situation- no one around me seems to understand.
After several years of intermittent drug use, the last 2 years where when it lost control… mephedrone came and took over everything all of my friends used it… I was doing up to 20 grams in a session, lost over 4 stone, dropped out of college, lost my job and destroyed several good relationships. I got it together, through smoking stupid amounts of cannabis and then one day it happened.

As a person I’ve always had a great curiosity in the world, in spirituality and in the power of the mind, my first psychedelic experience [2ci + 4-hom-met]took all that curiosity and gave me answers to question’s I’ve always had, while creating a new dimension for this curiosity to explore. The power of these substances in a ethereal and transcending way facilitates me more than anything I’ve ever encountered in my life.
I then worked my way through the 2c family, each experience opening my mind futher by closing off old hang ups (around my sexuality, my childhood, my meph problem) and allowing me to experience this world as a more beautiful, complex and deeply humbling place.

After a chaotic few months, I went into a psychiatric hospital after an NRG-1 and phenazepam induced psychosis (heads up to anyone thing about taking phenazepam… don’t, that stuff is fucked up) since coming out I’ve kept my nose relatively clean (apart from cannabis,1 bump of k, a few pills and 3 hits of AMT) but ‘reality’ has never really blessed my presence, I don’t think that there is one state of reality… that it is all in the eyes of the beholder.
Will this curiosity ever end, ‘cause there’s always another way to warp this reality- to challenge your mind to question it’s self again… is that natural curiosity or a chemical dependence?

Sorry if this is quite jumbled… it’s difficult to put this experience into words.

Love

Adamski
x

 

[The Hebrew Hammer]

Its not chemical dependency.

The curiousity will not ever end, but it will diminish over time as you find better routes to fulfill your curiousity with age and experience.

It does sound a bit like a psychological addiction.

 

[any major dude]

it is easy to become a bit obsessed with psychedelics as the altered states that they seem to facilitate are both interesting and useful. As long as you don't use them more than once every week or two (preferably less though), its not interfering with family, social, or work relationships, and you're not losing your sanity or acting strangely, it really shouldn't be classified as a "drug problem." In my opinion anyway.

 

[Shambles]

I agree with both of the above. The "Honeymoon Period" with psyches can be a long one but even the most passionate affairs settle down sooner or later. The last few years I tripped a lot. A hell of a lot - several times a week at some points. When you spend more time "altered" than straight it eventually just becomes normal and even psyches become routine and start to lose their magic.

I've greatly reduced the frequency of my trips now and feel I get far more out of them. Having said that, I had a helluva lotta fun when I was using more heavily and I would agree with the Major - as long as it's not becoming a destructive influence on your life, relationships, etc then it's fairly common to do the kid in a candy shop thing for a while. If it becomes obvious to you (or to those around you) that tripping is causing problems of any kind in your life then it's time to take a break and take stock. You're 18 so you have many tripping years ahead of you to look forward to

 

[digital_phreedom]

When I was 16 I had to goto rehab after a bad LSD experience.. And the psychiatrist I saw kept trying to tell me about life. And I kept rambling about my curiosity, and my search for answers and enlightenment. And he told me a story. I don't think it was meant to be a zen koan, but that's how I view it today.

----------------------

There was a man in Tibet who lived on a mountain. Every day he got up, ate breakfast, and then went and tended his crops. After his work was done, he was walk up the mountain, and sit and meditate on enlightenment.

Until finally one day, he achieved enlightenment!

The next morning he woke up, ate breakfast, tended his crops, and walked up the mountain again to meditate.

----------------

Take from that what you will.. At the time I thought he was a quack spouting a bunch of bullshit, but several years of heroin addiction, and a few life changes experiences with Ibogaine and Ayahuasca, and I finally understand what he was trying to tell me.

 

[Solipsis]

It's all about the journey and not the destination. But it can be very appealing to try to rush it and get as deep down the rabbit hole as quickly as you can. Like many things it's not a hole you can fill just like that though after a certain amount of 'been there, done that' it can lose its sparkle and shine and it becomes less interesting even if you never want it to. That can take a lot of time, like Shambles says you can push the honeymoon quite far.

Right now after having tripped little for a while the magic returned when I ate a total of 40 mg of 4-HO-MET in a night and it had been a long time since my world was so turned upside down and I was swallowed in a sea of patterns.

All I can say is: take it easy when you know yourself that it's just too much. First its mind-opening, then you get too open-minded and start to see the big picture and the deeper connections everywhere, even those that are just vague irrational bullshit with no good foundation whatsoever.
That's when you know you need a break to touch base again and get your feet on the ground for a good while and filter and process until you feel integrated again. Best of luck man!

 

[CatfishRivers]

It's been about 15 years for me and I'm still in love. I often times though use psychedelics as a sort of mind fuel, which in many ways almost tunes out much of the bells and whistles, leaving mostly a certain manic push that really helps me with almost any sort of creative task.

If you're gonna be tripping without some sort of purpose or task to channel that energy into, my guess is that eventually you are going to get bored of doing the same set of things when you trip. This I think feeds into a sense of the magic being lost...sometimes when I take a psychedelic in a new setting, like say some new spot in the woods or whatever, that usually really livens my senses and brings the old magic and curiosity back.

I've definitely taken breaks when life or my health demands it, but I can't say I've ever been away from psychedelics for very long. You just need to listen to that little voice inside that tells you to ease up. And if that voice is a reptilian shapeshifter who's taken residence in your brain, then it's definitely time for a break.