Yeah I'm getting off this shit ASAP for sure, I just have to stay well to take care of some important business on monday and tuesday, then I'm kicking again.
Kicking is the easy part though, its not relapsing after the acute withdrawal that's the really hard part. You're not sick anymore, but you feel depressed and anxious, and you have some extra money because you haven't used for a week or so while kicking, and its SO easy to call the dope man and get your dope or oxys or whatever.
I'm really serious about getting my life back on track, though, so I guess thats a plus. At this time last year, I was so full of love and light and the possibilities were endless. I need to kick opies fully, and even cut down on my massive intake of pot, and just get my head on straight. This fact is just SCREAMING in my face, like I can't ignore it anymore, if I keep going down this path I'll be in it too deep to get out.
I also desperately want to fully delve back into my psycho-spiritual entheogen-assisted musical journey, but I can't because of the opiates. I yearn for the state of cosmic ecstasy that comes from feeling good in general in life, then taking LSD and listening to amazing music. When I'm doing that, I feel like the universe is so complete and beautiful. Opiates are the opposite, they make me feel fractured and alone. I've gotta get back into balance; I know it will be a struggle at this point, but I guess thats just the way its going to be. I can't wait to be well again though, that will be a joyous day when I wake up feeling good again.
Once I feel well, I'm going to take some DOM, I have a dose sitting in my cupboard that's just waiting to be tested out, but I haven't had a chance yet. I think that will be a fine welcome-back to the psychedelic universe, after a hiatus thats been much too long. I also yearn for some DMT, I'm going to make it a goal of mine to procure some for christmas. Hopefully I'll be feeling well then, and I can blast back into psychedelia in style. %)
As you guys can see, I really
want to be back to my old self (or I guess you could say, a new-and-improved self thats revisiting old interests with vigor). I guess that's a good thing, because a lot of people just don't want to quit opiates, but I really do want to quit-- I just have to stop getting dragged along on this freaky ride.