psychedelic addiction proving to be quite complicated

[<SpaceHead>]

I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences or if anyone has perspective to offer on this issue.

I used to be prescribed mood stabelisers and amphetamines like lithium and adderoll on and off since the 5th grade for depression, bipolar and add. around the time I graduated highschool I had several psychedelic experiences (the main one was LSD with lithium) which changed my life forever and made me feel much more confident and independent. For the last three years since then I've been tripping about once a week, in the last year its gotten up to 3 or 4 times a week. During this time I smoke pot whenever I'm not tripping, and it kind of brings back the feeling of tripping so I can essentially feel like I'm tripping at least a little bit constantly. I used to rely on acid and mushrooms until I found research chemicals which enable to beat tolerance by switching drugs frequently. The 2C drugs in particular are very lucid which makes it easy to take and go about your day like normal. This addiction is strange because it's almost a spiritual attachment, I never develop addictions to drugs that don't have some kind of psychedelic aspect. It would be alot easier to just get high on opiates or amphetamines but I feel like they can' even hold a candle up to the awesome experience of being one with the universe that psyches provide. The high of psychedelics is beyond duality, its above good or bad to me.

This summer it came to a climax as I started using DO compounds and dissociative drugs like nitrous ketamine and DXM often. These drugs proved to be much more impulsive and addictive than classic psychedelics and I soon found myself in a very disturbing relationship with them. One week end I ended up taking DOC, LSD, DXM, 2C-T-2, Ketamine, Nitrous, MDA all in one night. I ended up accidentally taking 3,000mg of DXM one night, tripped for 3 days and almost died. This brought my relationship with drugs to a new level, because out of all the drugs I've taken I've never put myself at risk of death which scared the shit out of me because I could never do that to the people who really care about me.

A few weeks after the OD, after a couple more DXM trips and a 20lb tank of nitrous binge I told myself I would take a break from dissociatives for a few months. I was tripping with some friends one day and found myself doing nitrous again without even thinking about it. I inhaled a couple balloons and was sent into an introspective hell hole, leading me through my life and showing me all the things that could go wrong. I broke down and cried infront of all of my friends and wrote down things I wanted to change about my life.

I set a plan into action limiting myself to half a gram of pot per day and one trip per week. It worked well for a couple weeks but alcohol snuck in unnoticed because its so socially acceptable. I also have broken my pot rule because everyone around me casually smokes pot very frequently. I try to supplement my spiritual growth with meditation, but this path seems quite dim, blotted out by the light of psychedelics. I still have very frequent urges to trip, its so deeply programmed into my brain.

I guess I'm on the right path, I haven't done any dissociatives and I've significantly cut down on tripping. I still feel quite hopeless and feel like I have very little self control. I guess part of the scary part of coming back into the real world is seeing all of the permanent changes I've made to my brain. Sometimes I feel like my brain is passed the point of returning to normal so I might as well just keep taking drugs. It seems so contradictory to me, psychedelics are what give me insight into the things I need to change about my life, but ironically they are the very thing I need to change, I just keeps looping. My friends can put down heroin but somehow I can't put down these drugs which are usually considered far from addictive. It makes me feel like I must just be making up this entire experience for myself. I have a very strong mind, but a mind can only tolerate so much abuse before it begins to come apart.

I want to trip less and less, I'm moving from one week to ten days this week. After a couple ten day intervals I want to do every two weeks, then once a month. As I start tripping less I think I will start getting more and more out of it. This addiction is just so deeply psychological, it seems to have endless layers of complication. Has anyone had a similar experience to this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to respect psychedelics and use them in a more productive and healthy way?

 

[ElliottDay88]

Dear friend, im glad i came upon this thread, I have an extremely similar experience to the one stated, i was prescribed some of the same compounds starting roughly at the same age and i started doing acid and mushrooms in 11th grade , and it got worse, i can relate to the spiritual attatchment of psychedelics, and like you, i also started turning towards the dissasociataves eventually ketamine, nitrous pcp, and those types of things, i could relate to your one experience i myslef at a festival combined excstasy, acid, shrooms, ketamine, nitrous, and pot in one session, and i was blown through reality and realized i had taken things a little too far, right now i have been completely off everything, even weed for about a year more or less, with a few minor slips but right now i currently have almost 60 days totally clean and sober, i must admit that like you i still feel miserable sometimes but it definately beats, feeling completely weird and tripped out and just completely gone, my advice for you would be to get some help because long term use of the drugs you say you were using can cause serious mental and physical harm with prolonged use, i think the most important thing that you can possibly do, and what has helped me immensly is go to a 12 step meeting, even if you dont want to you should put pre concieved notions and ideas aside and keep an open mind, its been working very well for me, try to find an na or aa meeting, na would probably be more fitting, but it really doesnt matter, you can find them online at na or aa .org and u can just type in your zip code and meetings within 100 miles will show. IT sounds like you could use some help, that normal people and therapists or doctors or religion cant give you. Anyways you said to offer advice so there is mine, the people in these meetings i know would help you alot, and show you how to live a happy joyous life beyond your wildest dreams without the use of drugs, anyways if you reply or send me an email at <snip> i would appreciate your feedback, good luck with everything and i hope to hear from you soon.

 

[Legerity]

Psychedelics can be powerful tools is used appropriately. What I've discovered to be the most important part is not necessarily the trip itself, but how it is integrated after. What did it make you become aware of? How have you changed because of it?

It's not all about the highs. If a trip brings you painful memories or makes you aware of something that you don't like, then let yourself feel that pain in the days/weeks afterward.

The way I look at it is that unless the experience is somehow integrated so that it allows you to somehow change within your sober state, then it just ends up being an interesting experience without much benefit.

I think by allowing yourself to take longer breaks in between each use, you'll have a better chance of finding what you are looking for.

Feel free to send me a PM if ever you'd like to have a discussion about this.

 

[villian]

It would be alot easier to just get high on opiates or amphetamines but I feel like they can' even hold a candle up to the awesome experience of being one with the universe that psyches provide.

Instead of taking a shortcut to Samadhi via psychedelics you may be interested to know you can achieve this state of oneness without drugs?

I understand how one could "fiend" to feel this feeling -- it changed my life the first time..

Anyway, please look into Kriya Yoga -- it is possible to achieve this state without drugs, and since you are already familiar with it it will come quickly for you

https://docs.google.com/fileview?id...iOS00NTQ3LWE5NTEtMWM1ZGUyMWUxNzZh&hl=en&pli=1

Check it out brother

I think after you realize you can access this state of oneness and bliss without drugs it will be easier to not feel the need to get lit everyday.

 

[ImtheOcean]

Interesting discussion. With overuse any psychedelic becomes a mundane experience for me. My first acid trips were some of the most magical times imaginable, but once I nailed down a steady supply I was doing it every night, usually out in clubs and bars so it quickly became more like a colourful chore. Everything in moderation