TDS Psychedelic abuse

[Visuals]

I'm a pretty shy person, so talking about this stuff is really hard. But I don't know what else to do. Literally at the end of my rope.

I find my mind constantly preoccupied thinking about tripping. Like... all the time. I wake up and it's on my brain. I don't want it to be, but it is. Too much 25i (piece of shit) and far too many times. I lived with a 25i dealer a while back, and the free tabs he always gave me are what got me into this mess. I have HPPD constantly, and it makes it really hard to switch off from thinking about tripping. I battled with anxiety and depression earlier on in life and now it's creeping back. Suicidal ideation is too. I used to be a happy, outgoing and very sociable person. I used to go well out of my way to meet new people. But now I think more about the social interactions of other people and how it all works more than I actually socialize coherently with my fellow man. I mess up my words, become anxious when keeping eye contact with someone and just feel uneasy when I'm with people. I think too much and too deeply about everything; it's like my mind is racing all the time. Simple everyday things become intricate thought processes that often seem to ask more questions than they answer. I've also noticed my vocabulary is nowhere near as proficient as it used to be. I think that these drugs have literally made me less intelligent in so many ways. I feel that my minds ever-present preoccupation with the thought of tripping has got me stuck in a mindset where my ideals on life are constantly changing but my personality can't keep up with it. And then in turn I find myself confused, constantly. Sort of like a mild identity crisis.

I've stopped taking psychedelics and I'm trying to stay away from all other drugs too, even weed, to try and get some clarity happening up top.

Apologies, I'm terrible at wording things. But what I'm trying to say is psychedelics have basically just made me really confused about my identity, interactions with other people and life in general... big time.
I have no idea what I can do to try and right myself. I'm considering seeking help, but I'm afraid of getting there and not being able to explain myself properly. Anything, any advice, suggestions or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I will take any help I can get.


Sorry for not explaining this very well, I'm so confused about it all, that I find it difficult to write about.

Thank you incredibly for your time.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey visuals.. psychedelics break apart our foundation and let the light in. Build back your foundation on what YOU now believe. Taking the psychedelics to far no longer expands you, it stretches you, don't let it break you. .. I got stretched and came back strong.. just have to process what you learned, wrap you mind around it as far as everyday things.. the more you use your brain the faster it comes back, and it will come back strong.. look up how the brain works, motor function, memory, visual, etc etc.. and develop a daily program or create a life that works out your brain.. you seem really smart so just piece it all back together.. heres to long sweet comedowns and retaining as much of what we learned as possible

 

[pancakepirate]

Kudos to you for reaching out and posting!

I don't have much experience with 25i-NBOMe, but I have done my fair share of psychedelics. At my peak of usage (specifically with psychedelics), I was primarily doing shrooms. I would do things like acid or 2CB sparingly by comparison. I've only done 25i once, and it was a very small amount. I had quite the affinity for tripping, but I was a bit wary of these designer drugs. I've never been overly cautious about my drug use, but for whatever reason I became uncharacteristically prudent when it came to this new wave of synthetic drugs. My logic is flawed, to say the least.

Anyway, what you're describing is something to which I TOTALLY relate, but I experienced it after heavy, heavy use of ecstasy. Despite my continued drinking and using, I have re-stabilized considerably, though I'm sure I've done some irreversible damage. I would encourage you to engage your mind, whether it be by writing/journaling (even on here), reading, playing Sudoku, etc. When I tried to do these things at first, I became overwhelmingly discouraged because I was not performing at my optimal level. If you experience something similar, remember to cut yourself some slack! The mind is incredibly resilient, but even it needs time to recover.

Apologies, I'm terrible at wording things. But what I'm trying to say is psychedelics have basically just made me really confused about my identity, interactions with other people and life in general... big time.
I have no idea what I can do to try and right myself. I'm considering seeking help, but I'm afraid of getting there and not being able to explain myself properly. Anything, any advice, suggestions or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I will take any help I can get.

You are not terrible at wording things! Adopt a different mentality about yourself -- be more affirming. I have an issue with this as well, so I'm not so naive as to think you can rectify this thought pattern overnight, but you can start changing it with baby steps. This sort of existential crisis you've described is something that continually arises for me, and I think it's fairly common. Remember, it only appears like everyone else has it figured out; what they present is usually not a reflection of their subjective experience. Do not let your perceived self-limitations prevent you from getting help. And when you do get help, utilize the resources around you. I've wasted a lot of treatment and counseling because I was too self-effacing and reticent to discuss anything authentically.

At the risk of sounding trite, give yourself a chance because you are worth it, ok? Seriously, good for you for being courageous enough to post about it. Even behind the veil of anonymity, it's still hard!

 

[neversickanymore]

^^ nice post pancake

 

[RedLeader]

I tried a lot of the "alphabet soup" during my raver days, and nothing aside from 5-MeO-DiPT and 4-HO-DET ever compared to the classics for me. A lot of the other stuff felt toxic, overly synthetic and gave me anxiety and paranoia. Psychedelics should never be chosen based on availability, and if you gotta wait years even to come across the good ones again, it is worth it.

With that said, what you describe all sounds pretty standard for a person who has overdone it a bit with tripping. Welcome to the other side, to the real world, where the good times are so much better, but our minds do tend to never shut down. I know it is overwhelming. But so is stepping off of a bus in a metropolis. If you tell yourself that you screwed up, the regret will eat you up. But you will be fine, and there are a lot of compassionate and empathetic others like you around here who have lived through the transition.

First, it would really help to learn to meditate. This will hone your awareness and slowly transition how you think about and interact with things to lessen anxiety and create inner peace (also helps with future tripping if you choose). Anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing) is a good starting point for research.

Spend some time outside each day. Go for long walks, stretch/meditate in a park, or even walk through a city. Try and focus on your senses to minimise your thoughts.

I wouldn't seek out benzos or anti-depressants. But check out stuff like skullcap, passionflower, hops, Valerian, or burn some incense or sage. Try and get enough sleep.

It will be okay in time. Talk about this stuff with anyone you know who trips, and just learn to live with the fact that society isn't enlightened.

 

[Visuals]

Thank you all so much! It's so good to hear that other people have gone through similar things and came out okay. Makes me hopeful. I'm taking onboard all the things you guys have said, and I'm going to try my hardest to right myself out of this situation.

The Dark Side is full of beautiful people, nearly made me cry reading these replies, knowing that there are people out there who care this much for people they don't even know. Thank you all so very, very much.
☮

 

[pancakepirate]

^ Stick around, keep us updated. You're more than welcome to PM me anytime. I'm not super active on the forum, but I browse regularly. Just an offer

 

[malakaix]

Hey man, i can relate strongly to your situation.

I went through the same issue a couple of years ago; the over-analyzing of social situations which consequently resulted in been unable to actually 'socialize', unable to maintain eye-contact and essentially getting lost in your thoughts rather then been able to listen to what someone is saying. It's a long-term after effect of heavy psychedelic use; your use to perceiving the world and interactions through the lens of of the psychedelic state..

Stopping the use psychedelics is the first major step; from here shift your attention and focus towards activities that engage reality, physical activity in someway is very helpful, define your goals and begin to reestablish your values, this will act as the foundation to rebuilding your sense of identity. It takes 'time' to integrate the psychedelic experience into your life.. the more you use them the more you break yourself down, so you essentially never allow yourself to rebuild and reintegrate.

I was using psychedelics every couple of weeks for up-to 3 years.. i stopped using them completely a couple of years ago after reaching the same point you are. Time is the most important aspect here, it will take time but clarity will return.. and with it so will a new found sense of 'whole' self.

 

[Spadez87]

I'm a pretty shy person, so talking about this stuff is really hard. But I don't know what else to do. Literally at the end of my rope.

I find my mind constantly preoccupied thinking about tripping. Like... all the time. I wake up and it's on my brain. I don't want it to be, but it is. Too much 25i (piece of shit) and far too many times. I lived with a 25i dealer a while back, and the free tabs he always gave me are what got me into this mess. I have HPPD constantly, and it makes it really hard to switch off from thinking about tripping. I battled with anxiety and depression earlier on in life and now it's creeping back. Suicidal ideation is too. I used to be a happy, outgoing and very sociable person. I used to go well out of my way to meet new people. But now I think more about the social interactions of other people and how it all works more than I actually socialize coherently with my fellow man. I mess up my words, become anxious when keeping eye contact with someone and just feel uneasy when I'm with people. I think too much and too deeply about everything; it's like my mind is racing all the time. Simple everyday things become intricate thought processes that often seem to ask more questions than they answer. I've also noticed my vocabulary is nowhere near as proficient as it used to be. I think that these drugs have literally made me less intelligent in so many ways. I feel that my minds ever-present preoccupation with the thought of tripping has got me stuck in a mindset where my ideals on life are constantly changing but my personality can't keep up with it. And then in turn I find myself confused, constantly. Sort of like a mild identity crisis.

I've stopped taking psychedelics and I'm trying to stay away from all other drugs too, even weed, to try and get some clarity happening up top.

Apologies, I'm terrible at wording things. But what I'm trying to say is psychedelics have basically just made me really confused about my identity, interactions with other people and life in general... big time.
I have no idea what I can do to try and right myself. I'm considering seeking help, but I'm afraid of getting there and not being able to explain myself properly. Anything, any advice, suggestions or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I will take any help I can get.


Sorry for not explaining this very well, I'm so confused about it all, that I find it difficult to write about.

Thank you incredibly for your time.

All the advice some can give you is seek help and distract yourself with friends, family and things you like. I know that is near impossible when battling addiction but it really helps keeping yourself busy.

I myself am fighting (and losing) a dangerous cocaine, benzo and opiate addiction. Today I thought was my last day on the earth. I took 30 mgs of codiene and my usaul 80 mgs of valium. I have no opiate tolerance so 30 mgs for me is alot of codiene when mixed with that much benzos.

My point is dont get to the point like me where your only choice is suicide, rehab or a dangerous w/d. Plus the long tern effects on the mind and body from psychedelics are not ideal. try to get off them or keep them to a very minimum or you will lose your mind. I have had friends go actually insane from those type of drugs. Even tho they got clean they are not right anymore. Don't let that happen to you. You may be able to make a full recovery.

Best of luck man