nothinginside
Bluelighter
around 1/2-2 grams or so, psilocybe mushrooms... rambling session
I took the mushrooms at approx 430 pm.. it is now 4:40 pm as i revise this rambling session...
The ammount taken was probably around 1.5 - 2 grams.. not very much.. but definately enough
The set... I was feeling overall fairly good.. i had a feeling of much love for my friends... my roommate.. Chucky left with my other friend Rick around 2:30 pm to lift weights.. immediately prior to this, chucky and i had an arguement.. a confrontation of some sort..
i have been feeling like i was walking on eggs around him for the past week or so... he liked a certain girl and she ended up liking me.. so i felt bad.. even though i have a very strong attraction to her... i haven't acted on this attraction.. and i feel i've been straining myself, feeling like i didn't want to cross anyone..
my friends are very important to me..
time dosed: 4:40 or so pm... 1.5-2.3 grams or so.. (i have no fucking clue, half an eighth)
felt it while conversing with a friend from my hometown... t+15 or so... i noticed visual acuity slightly sharpened... i kept the mushrooms in my mouth... chewing and chewing... for about 30 mins... then swallowed...
at t+30 i was definately feeling some alteration... felt kinda giddy.. happy for just being alive.. with nothing to do... just dance with myself...
6:50? pm
interlink between
everything that has happened...
is just a fractal ratio of what is to happen
and what is to happen is already a fractal ratio of what has happened
effects... ryhthms... pattern. follow. the ohnly way to compliment reality
is to see this pattern that we all flow with.
questions.. answers.. all the same
just go
now
do
be
matter is just energy condensed.. to a slow vibration..
vibration within
create following
create something flowing following love me behind away together now mend i am here you are there
here one and the same
never existing outside of each other...
versa pices enchant my soul the relationship between our minds is only one mind
our culture
is our mind
is this really your mind
what is your mind
who are you
where are you
now
here
on this earth
in this solar system, on earth
galaxy
what is beyond...
what if
nevermind it's all the same
seen it before
but so closer to home, it is
now i find meaning
now i find peace
certain things are habit
coca-cola is a habit
fuck coke... the fucking shit has no taste..
as soon as you drink it.. you notice one addictive compound.. sugar..
then something in your mind associates that taste... with a taste of upwardness
zing
zing zing
then ... with that little bit of zing zing you connect to some comfortable level in the past
, where another addictive compound has rule...
caffeine... a promoter of anxiety... it speeds us up.. uptakes the perceptual intake.. to a more desireable level...
but this desireable level is above normal.. above placid.. above peace.. it's a fuel that creates the fire inside...
argument
some kind maybe
right now i taste cocaine.. something in coca cola is remenant of cocaine...
_______________
pigs on antibiotics
we are an unnatural species.. somehow at some point in time we learned... or thought we could reverse dying.. we thought we learned...
but we all know this is all a lie.. we all die someday..
live now.. leave death to death.
don't be afraid..
we tried to save ourselves but in the process of saving ourselves we can only reflect on the fact that we were afraid.. that we thought we needed saving.. in the first place...
something inside of us is so powerful.. that we can effect the life of another.. this is in all animals.. but only we can give life over and over..
other animals only know of giving birth as giving life...
we thought we could find a way where we could divert the pain of the birthing process...
but that pain only came in stronger... and now it's here... in us.. with us.. at all times...
the fear that makes everything not livable... that is our oder.... we stink of it..
fear...
but we cloud it... we overcome..
move beyond fear
thats where one must find...
we learned to prolong life.. but all that did was create some kind of pain in life that we were doomed to endure..
we try to mother.. we try to father..
the pain that we endure is here..
love
love
7:38 PM 9/13/03
i care about this moment
but i care about these people
i care for my self image in this mosaic emotion
that we call our minds
our very eyes
to see
the world with everything and anyone i know
can do this
together
with one another
the relationships between...
11:25 PM 9/13/03
after-trip recordings
not enough to reflect fully on experience.. so far it has been great... i have reached some sort of empowerment.. some identifying nature within...
i think i found peace with myself tonight.. at least mostly.. i feel very different than i think most people feel.. but at the same time.. "everything is in fractal ratios to what has been and what is to come". that's something that i learned tonight..
wow..
pondered the metaphoric behind the story of adam and eve... sumerian creationism...
it all has meaning..
clothing is anything we find comfort in outside of ourselves and god.
in the beginning, we were naked.. and now.. we're hidden in our clothing.. our cultures stereotypes.. beneith each and every one of us.. is someone else.. and another... and another...
box.. we're all cubes.. hmm.. hahahha..
pretty funny to ponder actually.. that being the theory of a crazy man.. but we're all a little crazy i think.. without the craziness what would this world be anyways..
anyways.. a good night.. felt like i feel jim morison felt.. at least for glimpse of time.. then found myself.. and realised that's all he did.. that's all we all can do.. accept ourselves.. as "imperfect" beings.. living in an "imperfect" world..
love is all we need to accept this..
fear is the only thing that keeps us away..
but at the same time it's all fractal ratios.. nothing more..
only god.. and we all don't speak the same language when we refer to alot of things...
hmm
------------------------------
conclusion:
i've plunged as deep as i can go
this is the best way for me
lower dosages can be more powerful
more meaningful..
it was a very introspective, insightful experience... i would rate it a very good plus 2.. intensity wasn't too much.. but enough that the experience was highly mutable to where i wanted to be at.. had a long conversation with myself.. about adam and eve.. and really got somewhere.. but i can't exactly remember where....
i can.. but it's all in my head.... and no longer in wordform i don't think.. no longer even in conscious awareness...
don't try to be a badass and dose yourself heroically... you might find it's actually more rewarding at lower dosages... esp if you've already experienced high dosages.
the whole trip kinda felt like i was just receiving information... somewhat.. i felt a presense of some sort.. the entire time... it was the mushrooms...
i was not taken over at any point by them.. maybe for an instant.. but i definately accomplished my goal..
most of the duration of the experience was me, alone in my apartment... I got to give my friend sara a massage... with pushit playing by tool... it was the afterglow period.. around 11 pm... i felt like i was repressing some of my fluidity... she said it was awesome though.. i found socialization to be extremely easy... i had a renewed sense of compassion for my peers...
i think psychedelics should be taken alone...
if you take them with anyone other than a really close friend (even then)... they will try to fuck with you...
and that can really fuck with you...
dissection... metaprogramming
at one point i about climbed on the roof of my apartment building... it's about 30 feet high though so i figured it wouldn't be a good idea.... as i tend to overestimate my ability for balance whilst tripping.. although.. i did walk on railroad tracks perfectly fine a little later that night..
there were fireworks all night....
off and on.. first footballgame here at iu.
I took the mushrooms at approx 430 pm.. it is now 4:40 pm as i revise this rambling session...
The ammount taken was probably around 1.5 - 2 grams.. not very much.. but definately enough
The set... I was feeling overall fairly good.. i had a feeling of much love for my friends... my roommate.. Chucky left with my other friend Rick around 2:30 pm to lift weights.. immediately prior to this, chucky and i had an arguement.. a confrontation of some sort..
i have been feeling like i was walking on eggs around him for the past week or so... he liked a certain girl and she ended up liking me.. so i felt bad.. even though i have a very strong attraction to her... i haven't acted on this attraction.. and i feel i've been straining myself, feeling like i didn't want to cross anyone..
my friends are very important to me..
time dosed: 4:40 or so pm... 1.5-2.3 grams or so.. (i have no fucking clue, half an eighth)
felt it while conversing with a friend from my hometown... t+15 or so... i noticed visual acuity slightly sharpened... i kept the mushrooms in my mouth... chewing and chewing... for about 30 mins... then swallowed...
at t+30 i was definately feeling some alteration... felt kinda giddy.. happy for just being alive.. with nothing to do... just dance with myself...
6:50? pm
interlink between
everything that has happened...
is just a fractal ratio of what is to happen
and what is to happen is already a fractal ratio of what has happened
effects... ryhthms... pattern. follow. the ohnly way to compliment reality
is to see this pattern that we all flow with.
questions.. answers.. all the same
just go
now
do
be
matter is just energy condensed.. to a slow vibration..
vibration within
create following
create something flowing following love me behind away together now mend i am here you are there
here one and the same
never existing outside of each other...
versa pices enchant my soul the relationship between our minds is only one mind
our culture
is our mind
is this really your mind
what is your mind
who are you
where are you
now
here
on this earth
in this solar system, on earth
galaxy
what is beyond...
what if
nevermind it's all the same
seen it before
but so closer to home, it is
now i find meaning
now i find peace
certain things are habit
coca-cola is a habit
fuck coke... the fucking shit has no taste..
as soon as you drink it.. you notice one addictive compound.. sugar..
then something in your mind associates that taste... with a taste of upwardness
zing
zing zing
then ... with that little bit of zing zing you connect to some comfortable level in the past
, where another addictive compound has rule...
caffeine... a promoter of anxiety... it speeds us up.. uptakes the perceptual intake.. to a more desireable level...
but this desireable level is above normal.. above placid.. above peace.. it's a fuel that creates the fire inside...
argument
some kind maybe
right now i taste cocaine.. something in coca cola is remenant of cocaine...
_______________
pigs on antibiotics
we are an unnatural species.. somehow at some point in time we learned... or thought we could reverse dying.. we thought we learned...
but we all know this is all a lie.. we all die someday..
live now.. leave death to death.
don't be afraid..
we tried to save ourselves but in the process of saving ourselves we can only reflect on the fact that we were afraid.. that we thought we needed saving.. in the first place...
something inside of us is so powerful.. that we can effect the life of another.. this is in all animals.. but only we can give life over and over..
other animals only know of giving birth as giving life...
we thought we could find a way where we could divert the pain of the birthing process...
but that pain only came in stronger... and now it's here... in us.. with us.. at all times...
the fear that makes everything not livable... that is our oder.... we stink of it..
fear...
but we cloud it... we overcome..
move beyond fear
thats where one must find...
we learned to prolong life.. but all that did was create some kind of pain in life that we were doomed to endure..
we try to mother.. we try to father..
the pain that we endure is here..
love
love
7:38 PM 9/13/03
i care about this moment
but i care about these people
i care for my self image in this mosaic emotion
that we call our minds
our very eyes
to see
the world with everything and anyone i know
can do this
together
with one another
the relationships between...
11:25 PM 9/13/03
after-trip recordings
not enough to reflect fully on experience.. so far it has been great... i have reached some sort of empowerment.. some identifying nature within...
i think i found peace with myself tonight.. at least mostly.. i feel very different than i think most people feel.. but at the same time.. "everything is in fractal ratios to what has been and what is to come". that's something that i learned tonight..
wow..
pondered the metaphoric behind the story of adam and eve... sumerian creationism...
it all has meaning..
clothing is anything we find comfort in outside of ourselves and god.
in the beginning, we were naked.. and now.. we're hidden in our clothing.. our cultures stereotypes.. beneith each and every one of us.. is someone else.. and another... and another...
box.. we're all cubes.. hmm.. hahahha..
pretty funny to ponder actually.. that being the theory of a crazy man.. but we're all a little crazy i think.. without the craziness what would this world be anyways..
anyways.. a good night.. felt like i feel jim morison felt.. at least for glimpse of time.. then found myself.. and realised that's all he did.. that's all we all can do.. accept ourselves.. as "imperfect" beings.. living in an "imperfect" world..
love is all we need to accept this..
fear is the only thing that keeps us away..
but at the same time it's all fractal ratios.. nothing more..
only god.. and we all don't speak the same language when we refer to alot of things...
hmm
------------------------------
conclusion:
i've plunged as deep as i can go
this is the best way for me
lower dosages can be more powerful
more meaningful..
it was a very introspective, insightful experience... i would rate it a very good plus 2.. intensity wasn't too much.. but enough that the experience was highly mutable to where i wanted to be at.. had a long conversation with myself.. about adam and eve.. and really got somewhere.. but i can't exactly remember where....
i can.. but it's all in my head.... and no longer in wordform i don't think.. no longer even in conscious awareness...
don't try to be a badass and dose yourself heroically... you might find it's actually more rewarding at lower dosages... esp if you've already experienced high dosages.
the whole trip kinda felt like i was just receiving information... somewhat.. i felt a presense of some sort.. the entire time... it was the mushrooms...
i was not taken over at any point by them.. maybe for an instant.. but i definately accomplished my goal..
most of the duration of the experience was me, alone in my apartment... I got to give my friend sara a massage... with pushit playing by tool... it was the afterglow period.. around 11 pm... i felt like i was repressing some of my fluidity... she said it was awesome though.. i found socialization to be extremely easy... i had a renewed sense of compassion for my peers...
i think psychedelics should be taken alone...
if you take them with anyone other than a really close friend (even then)... they will try to fuck with you...
and that can really fuck with you...
dissection... metaprogramming
at one point i about climbed on the roof of my apartment building... it's about 30 feet high though so i figured it wouldn't be a good idea.... as i tend to overestimate my ability for balance whilst tripping.. although.. i did walk on railroad tracks perfectly fine a little later that night..
there were fireworks all night....
off and on.. first footballgame here at iu.
