So I guess I'll start one of these here journals then.. I figured I'd do a little intro on how I got hooked, what happened, and where I am now.
My addiction came about during and after college when I was an awkward low confidence guy trying to get with girls and whatnot.. Looking back on that time still makes me cringe. My best friend Joe lived up the mountain, we met in high school and he sold me weed. 3 years later I was driving up to his house to hang out smoke weed and drink every night. Then we started doing shrooms and acid (his parents were cool with it) and eventually coke.. I was hesitant trying meth for the first time but it worked wonders for my ADD.
At this point another girl had led me on then shut me down when I made a move, so my mindset was 100% rage and self destruction. I wanted to go down.
So soon after meth came heroin on the foil.
I party pretty consistently with him on the weekends for the next 2 or 3 years, he gets kicked out of his parents and I don't hear from him for 6 months. I get a call one day that he went to rehab then jail and now lives on the streets in San Bernardino. So I end up going down there every weekend to drive everyone around, stay in abandoned houses with tweakers and gangsters and hotel rooms with 20 people with kids sleeping while we do hard drugs. A couple months go by like this and I have a blast hanging out and avoiding getting robbed shot or stabbed.
All the while I'm just relishing in my self hatred, watching my life going down the drain, and my superman complex combined with self hatred made the perfect storm.
I landed a really good job and lived at home with parents rent free, so I had basically $2500 a month to buy whatever I wanted. I bought a bunch of cool stuff. At this point I did heroin on the weekends only and it was hit and miss at that. I had never "kicked" at this point.
Then I unknowingly became friends with a heroin dealer, and found out he sold and it was the turning point where I did heroin every day from that week on.
Since I'm tired of typing I'll condense the rest:
I spent <snip> a week on heroin for a while, got in a bad car wreck with Joe's girlfriend he met in rehab, she got with me, we did lots of drugs, I got her pregnant, we tried 2 times to get an abortion but they couldn't, I took care of her through a rough pregnancy with both of us addicted to heroin, got her on methadone, she almost died from high blood pressure from the pregnancy so they induced her, my son was born with a serious genetic disorder, CFS took him away, I went even harder into heroin...
One day me and my girl went to pick up after kicking for 3 days, I was in a hurry to leave the parking lot and got t boned HARD. I have the other driver my licence, ran off to a bathroom to shoot up, then went back to talk to the cops. They towed my car and I said
ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dumped my girlfriend at her moms, checked into a 7 day detox rehab, then flew to a far away place on a different side of the planet. I've been clean since July 3rd when I made it up here.
So something like 160 days clean and I have a good paying job with benefits, a car, a nice place to live, and best of all I'm happy. Today I told my babies momma goodbye for the last time and blocked her number, because she traded her son's PS4 for heroin and called me to ask for money today.
My addiction came about during and after college when I was an awkward low confidence guy trying to get with girls and whatnot.. Looking back on that time still makes me cringe. My best friend Joe lived up the mountain, we met in high school and he sold me weed. 3 years later I was driving up to his house to hang out smoke weed and drink every night. Then we started doing shrooms and acid (his parents were cool with it) and eventually coke.. I was hesitant trying meth for the first time but it worked wonders for my ADD.
At this point another girl had led me on then shut me down when I made a move, so my mindset was 100% rage and self destruction. I wanted to go down.
So soon after meth came heroin on the foil.
I party pretty consistently with him on the weekends for the next 2 or 3 years, he gets kicked out of his parents and I don't hear from him for 6 months. I get a call one day that he went to rehab then jail and now lives on the streets in San Bernardino. So I end up going down there every weekend to drive everyone around, stay in abandoned houses with tweakers and gangsters and hotel rooms with 20 people with kids sleeping while we do hard drugs. A couple months go by like this and I have a blast hanging out and avoiding getting robbed shot or stabbed.
All the while I'm just relishing in my self hatred, watching my life going down the drain, and my superman complex combined with self hatred made the perfect storm.
I landed a really good job and lived at home with parents rent free, so I had basically $2500 a month to buy whatever I wanted. I bought a bunch of cool stuff. At this point I did heroin on the weekends only and it was hit and miss at that. I had never "kicked" at this point.
Then I unknowingly became friends with a heroin dealer, and found out he sold and it was the turning point where I did heroin every day from that week on.
Since I'm tired of typing I'll condense the rest:
I spent <snip> a week on heroin for a while, got in a bad car wreck with Joe's girlfriend he met in rehab, she got with me, we did lots of drugs, I got her pregnant, we tried 2 times to get an abortion but they couldn't, I took care of her through a rough pregnancy with both of us addicted to heroin, got her on methadone, she almost died from high blood pressure from the pregnancy so they induced her, my son was born with a serious genetic disorder, CFS took him away, I went even harder into heroin...
One day me and my girl went to pick up after kicking for 3 days, I was in a hurry to leave the parking lot and got t boned HARD. I have the other driver my licence, ran off to a bathroom to shoot up, then went back to talk to the cops. They towed my car and I said
ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dumped my girlfriend at her moms, checked into a 7 day detox rehab, then flew to a far away place on a different side of the planet. I've been clean since July 3rd when I made it up here.
So something like 160 days clean and I have a good paying job with benefits, a car, a nice place to live, and best of all I'm happy. Today I told my babies momma goodbye for the last time and blocked her number, because she traded her son's PS4 for heroin and called me to ask for money today.
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