Mental Health Prescribed Methadone and Xanax

[ChasingTheEscape]

I'm sorry if this is the wrong thread I wasn't sure which one was appropriate but I've been on methadone at a treatment center in my town for 6 months and before that I was prescribed Xanax for my panic attacks and anxiety. Once I started methadone my Dr found out & stopped prescribing Xanax so I haven't taken Xanax in 6mo. What is the likelihood that I'll have problems breathing or possible OD if I take a yellow Xanax bar I just found from my old prescription? I want to take it so I'll stop crying, and relax my bf of 3yrs passed away 5days ago and I still can't get over it or get a grip I don't want to loose my job I've already called in bc I can't get my emotions together and I only have 1 Xanax bar I found but I forgot that methadone and Xanax can be a deadly combo, but I feel like I NEED it just to calm down and quit thinking so much, I haven't been able to sleep even when I'm exhausted at night, I even bought some dirty 30s the fake oxy 30s with fentanyl in them and smoked 5 in a row and still I couldn't nod off bc of the thoughts running through my head making me cry remembering all the plans my bf and I had that now will never happen. I smoke Cannabis daily as well and even that won't put me to sleep so I want to take this Xanax whole but maybe I should take a quarter every few hours to see how it'll interact with my 70mg methadone dose I take every morning.. If anyone has any experience with these two drugs together and has any advice or any advice in alternative anxiety medicine I can get prescribed that won't interact with methadone that'd be great! Ty for taking time to read my long ass post!

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi @ChasingTheEscape I am so sorry to hear about your boyfriend's passing. It's been less than a week, I wouldn't expect you to be functional yet after experiencing such a loss.
This thread has been up for a while so you may have already taken the xanax, but I would suggest you just try taking it in quarters and see how you go. The thing is, you can always take a little more if you need it, but once you've taken the whole lot you can't UN-take it....know what I mean?
I would highly recommend that you go and talk to your doctor about this, they may suggest that you go on antidepressants for a little while for your anxiety, if you're not coping. They may also refer you to a therapist for some grief counselling, which I would strongly advise you to do. The more help you can get while you're going through this difficult time, the better.
Do you have a good support network with friends and family??

 

[ChasingTheEscape]

Hi @ChasingTheEscape I am so sorry to hear about your boyfriend's passing. It's been less than a week, I wouldn't expect you to be functional yet after experiencing such a loss.
This thread has been up for a while so you may have already taken the xanax, but I would suggest you just try taking it in quarters and see how you go. The thing is, you can always take a little more if you need it, but once you've taken the whole lot you can't UN-take it....know what I mean?
I would highly recommend that you go and talk to your doctor about this, they may suggest that you go on antidepressants for a little while for your anxiety, if you're not coping. They may also refer you to a therapist for some grief counselling, which I would strongly advise you to do. The more help you can get while you're going through this difficult time, the better.
Do you have a good support network with friends and family??

Thank you n3ophy7 so much for your reply, it's nice to talk to someone.

Unfortunately I'm 24 & my bf who passed was 54 so I hid my relationship from family. He was my best and only friend bc I moved back to my hometown & all my old friends moved away from my small town.

I think that's whats making it so hard to get over because I have to try hard to keep it together in front of my grandma who I moved back in with once my bf passed away & it's stressful to pretend to be fine. She thought I was his caretaker & I wish I could tell her the truth but it wouldn't matter my grandma just lost her eldest daughter, my aunt, to drugs at 45yrs old she passed from alcohol/meth use her whole life and we hadn't seen her in decade or more so when I heard she passed I was sad but I felt so bad that I didn't cry or grieve.

Then my bf passed & all of a sudden I can't keep it together or be hopeful or happy about anything.. We were going to get married I had never had a bf like him before he cooked cleaned drove me took care of me loved me when we fought we made up right after and I've never had a relationship be so great and loving before. He's the reason I quit shooting H we went to treatment for 1st time for both of us together.

I'd like to not grieve alone anymore & since I have no friends & only my mom&gma for family I called my Dr earlier today. Left a msg they don't open until noon because it's a tribal health center bc I'm native American so I'm hoping this new Dr I don't know well, might help me find some counseling out there &/or work with me to get some anti anxiety medicine that won't interact with my methadone bc I'm tired of spending all my $ on fentanyl pills that don't last and don't help me sleep anymore + they have me withdrawing worse than when I used to shoot H. It got so bad last night that I want to just die and I've never been suicidal bc I've been afraid of death but I took the Xanax in quarters every hour and then smoked a blue & felt care free for a solid 5-10min like things could possibly be looking up then It went away just as quick as it came, & I got super sick for the last 24hrs from not having any fent pills.
I made a Dr appt for tomorrow & I asked to raise my methadone dose at my clinic this morning but it takes 3 days before they say yes & I have work tomorrow after my Dr appt idk if I'll be able to last being fent sick and not being able to stop crying when I think about my bf.

If u have any tips or distractions even if they sounds silly pls let me know I dont want to relapse hardcore, end up homeless but I see no hope in my future now with out the one I love I swore I'd never do H bc my bf wouldn't want me to do that but as I'm typing this I'm waiting for a friend to come by and give me a get well H shot bc I'm fent sick and I live in rural eastern OR so I take what I can get here and I don't want to end up shooting H homeless in Portland like my aunt who just passed away.. I'm trying to get help and thank God Oregon state is really honestly too nice to us junkies, my clinic is very nice to me despite all my UAs being dirty w/fent they never kick me out or make me feel bad, but rn nothing makes me feel good bc I'm sick my methadone is running out it's been 12hrs since I took it & I want to stay clean but not more than I want to numb the pain so I can't seem to stop myself from begging my blue plug for a front and a fellow user for her ride to drive 2hrs to go see her.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@ChasingTheEscape

First I applaud your awareness in your addiction and knowing the fatal dangers of combining things like opioids and benzos. I am truly sorry for what you're going through and for your loss, but you are DEFINITELY on the right website to talk about such things.

To answer your main question - if you are opioid tolerant and on 70mg daily methadone taking 1mg xanax with your usual daily amount is relatively safe and unlikely to be adverse. The danger in this advice I'm giving you is giving an addict the "ok" to do 1mg of xanax with their daily methadone... and that usually turns into a reason in their mind that it's ok to do 6mg of xanax 3x their usual methadone dose. I hope you are seeing where I'm going with this. Of course it's dangerous, if not fatally, a danger of doing something stupid or illegal. I am just speaking from my own experience where I have combined them many times, responsibly, and several times VERY irresponsibly which nearly ended my life. Xanax and pressed 30 fent pills directly resulted in my last near fatal overdose. It's no joke, you see... but giving 1 xanax pill to an opioid dependant person with their usual dose is not going to kill you. Also, I am speaking as a 6ft 175lb male who could be nearly twice your size. These details MATTER.

Then my bf passed & all of a sudden I can't keep it together or be hopeful or happy about anything.. We were going to get married I had never had a bf like him before he cooked cleaned drove me took care of me loved me when we fought we made up right after and I've never had a relationship be so great and loving before. He's the reason I quit shooting H we went to treatment for 1st time for both of us together.

You are dealing with a major loss and are likely in a very confusing/transitionary period of your own life. I am so sorry you are going through this. I have never truly experienced a loss in my life like that before, so I only have so much advice.

Please just know that if he was your reason to quit shooting H, his passing is not a reason to start doing that again. If anything, it's a reason not to in honor.

I don't want you to end up homeless. Been there, done that. Nobody deserves that.

Do you live in the US? What is your situation right now? Is there rent due? Are you in a relatively safe/caring environment?

Whatever you do... never give up hope. No matter how fucked up life is right now, how chaotic... trust me, please trust me, it WILL get better.

Please hang in there

are you still on the 30 presses? The withdrawal from that is horrible but at least you have methadone

Just breath and please trust that you will have better days in your future!

 

[ChasingTheEscape]

@ChasingTheEscape

First I applaud your awareness in your addiction and knowing the fatal dangers of combining things like opioids and benzos. I am truly sorry for what you're going through and for your loss, but you are DEFINITELY on the right website to talk about such things.

To answer your main question - if you are opioid tolerant and on 70mg daily methadone taking 1mg xanax with your usual daily amount is relatively safe and unlikely to be adverse. The danger in this advice I'm giving you is giving an addict the "ok" to do 1mg of xanax with their daily methadone... and that usually turns into a reason in their mind that it's ok to do 6mg of xanax 3x their usual methadone dose. I hope you are seeing where I'm going with this. Of course it's dangerous, if not fatally, a danger of doing something stupid or illegal. I am just speaking from my own experience where I have combined them many times, responsibly, and several times VERY irresponsibly which nearly ended my life. Xanax and pressed 30 fent pills directly resulted in my last near fatal overdose. It's no joke, you see... but giving 1 xanax pill to an opioid dependant person with their usual dose is not going to kill you. Also, I am speaking as a 6ft 175lb male who could be nearly twice your size. These details MATTER.



You are dealing with a major loss and are likely in a very confusing/transitionary period of your own life. I am so sorry you are going through this. I have never truly experienced a loss in my life like that before, so I only have so much advice.

Please just know that if he was your reason to quit shooting H, his passing is not a reason to start doing that again. If anything, it's a reason not to in honor.

I don't want you to end up homeless. Been there, done that. Nobody deserves that.

Do you live in the US? What is your situation right now? Is there rent due? Are you in a relatively safe/caring environment?

Whatever you do... never give up hope. No matter how fucked up life is right now, how chaotic... trust me, please trust me, it WILL get better.

Please hang in there

are you still on the 30 presses? The withdrawal from that is horrible but at least you have methadone

Just breath and please trust that you will have better days in your future!

It's crazy to hear of people who have been through the the same addiction with the blues, One reason I think it's hard for me to quit is because I had money before my bf passed bc he took care of me even when he was sedated he gave me his debit card before he went under and trusted me.
I felt so bad I started doubling my blue usage bc they told me he was getting worse but I never thought he'd die bc his mom just passed away few months ago at age 97 and he was half that age. We would always smoke 1-3 pills together passing it back and fourth we rarely smoked our own pills, instead shared. When he got sick two months ago I started smoking 3-5 full ones a day still at $20ea bc I don't live near the cities. I somehow got a job while my bf was sick, I work fastfood making $13/hr and I haven't been paid yet I've only worked one week but this has been the hardest thing ever to pretend to be fine bc I moved back in w/my grandma and my bf place was kept safe locked up and rent paid until he passed. And my car is broken so my grandma is very loving and helpful she helped me buy a new battery I'm beyond blessed to not be kicked out of the house for being an ex H junkie I've never admitted it to her, but she kicked out an old roommate of mine when she found needles and I was going to the Methadone clinic then living with my bf and staying away from H but it sucks that I'll always be seen as a H addict even when I'm sober. But I 100% still feel like a junkie bc of the blues, I'm shaking goose bumps and I wish 5:30am would come sooner so I can get my methadone because tonight is going to be horrific if my friend doesn't come through and it looks like she prob won't be.. I just want to go to work tomorrow not sick and not have to think about sad shit for 7-8hrs. My plug told me she'd help me, but she's 2hrs away so I'm counting on another user to come thru w/her ride I met her thru my bf so she feels for me but she's a hardcore meth and H and blue addict so it's taking her all day to come from the native reservation 15min away into town so we can head to the next town.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@ChasingTheEscape Hey my bad, somehow I missed your reply!

How are you doing?

 

[ChasingTheEscape]

@ChasingTheEscape Hey my bad, somehow I missed your reply!

How are you doing?

Right! It's no problem. I got on BL last night & this morning/afternoon & also found replies I had missed from weeks ago lol.

I'd like to say I'm doing great bc I'm sober for first time in years from fetty pills, but unfortunately it's not by choice it's bc of lack of funds & my car not starting even after a new battery was put in.

I'm trying to stay distracted on my phone reading through lots of BL posts & sometimes scrolling TikTok to try to laugh & find some funny videos to lighten my mood, or go on YouTube to catch up on news & watch random videos...

I quit my job over the weekend, not officially I just didn't call in sick/didn't show up & my manager didn't call me this time like she did the last time I tried to no call no show.. I want to go back to work at my old job. I enjoyed working 9-12hr days bc the atmosphere at work was fun/crazy. Working in a production facility building cabinets, reading blueprints, cutting the lumber, stapling cabinets together & working with my hands to build a fully finished product really made me feel like I had a purpose like I was contributing to society...
Making Whoppers/burgers & fried food at Burger King all day makes me feel useless. I wasn't given any days off for 2 weeks straight & they illegally never gave anyone rest breaks ever in the entire month I've worked there not once has anyone been given a rest break, I was shocked but got used to it.
I hope when I get paid I do the smart thing & fix up my car, pay back 2-3ppl who fronted me when I was sick bc they knew I had a job & maybe try my hardest to only buy dabs/cannabis instead of overpriced fetty pills.
I'm also trying hard to not go on the dark web and purchase bitcoins in an attempt to see if it'd be possible to buy pure fent powder & get it shipped straight to my house bc I hate the dirty 30s bc they're so weak now bc of my tolerance and say too expensive.
I do a ton of reading/research online about drug busts on the dark web & I came across one where this guy hadn't been caught, he was just sharing his own experience w/ utilizing the Dark web marketplaces to buy fent powder he said $100 of fent powder lasted him 3 weeks! And he too had been a previous hardcore H addict who switched out his H addiction for Fentanyl, kinda like me so since then I've been obsessed w/ dreaming about actually receiving pure fent powder & ultimately saving $1000s a year buying stronger fentanyl VS heroin or weak Fetty pills.

I wish I could make some friends online or in RL but I know that if I get hired back @ my old job, friends will come easier when they're my co-workers. Especially since @ my old job, they hire a lot of ex convicts straight out of prison, & ppl w/ felonies/records can get hired there super quick as well. So there's lots of ppl there that are like minded, but that could potentially be a bad thing for me since I want to stay away from pressed Fettys but they're the only reason I even want to work, so I can get $ to get high & feel better since the love of my life is gone forever, I feel like I need some sort of relief, even if it's only temporary & comes w/ withdrawals...

Ty for letting me vent, I'd pay good $ for someone to talk to so thank you again, you don't understand how much it means for someone, even a stranger to ask how I'm doing & let me write an essay venting I hope you have a great day. -Kae

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm trying to stay distracted on my phone reading through lots of BL posts & sometimes scrolling TikTok to try to laugh & find some funny videos to lighten my mood, or go on YouTube to catch up on news & watch random videos...

Trust me friend, you need to laugh. Always. I have a huge sense of humor, sometimes dark, and I laugh at myself constantly. The day I stop laughing I know something is seriously very wrong with me.

I'm also trying hard to not go on the dark web and purchase bitcoins in an attempt to see if it'd be possible to buy pure fent powder & get it shipped straight to my house bc I hate the dirty 30s bc they're so weak now bc of my tolerance and say too expensive.

Hey, just being real with you, there's no way you're going to find pure fent powder on the dark net so easily like that. I've never seen it. It's not available domestically and if you imported it then it would most likely be seized. Stay away from the too-good-to-be-true vritual candy shop friend. I haven't been on there in 7 months and that's why I've been sober

I do a ton of reading/research online about drug busts on the dark web & I came across one where this guy hadn't been caught, he was just sharing his own experience w/ utilizing the Dark web marketplaces to buy fent powder he said $100 of fent powder lasted him 3 weeks! And he too had been a previous hardcore H addict who switched out his H addiction for Fentanyl, kinda like me so since then I've been obsessed w/ dreaming about actually receiving pure fent powder & ultimately saving $1000s a year buying stronger fentanyl VS heroin or weak Fetty pills.

I get it, but these fantasies are not healthy. Forget about fent. It's a busted shit ass drug anyways. I never found any euphoria in it at all.

Just being real with you here - if you're thinking about how to get as high as possible on fentanyl analogues for the lowest price (who hasn't?) maybe we need to focus on why you want that.

I think there is some healing that needs to be done. I'm just curious - have you ever been to rehab, jail or mental wards or anything like that?

I wish I could make some friends online

Ty for letting me vent, I'd pay good $ for someone to talk to so thank you again

Friend, you are on the right website to do just that! If you want to see the less serious more social side of bluelight you can go to The Lounge or other forums. We aren't all about drugs and doom + gloom.

https://discord.gg/v9R9UBG7 here is the social BL discord, we are quite active over there

we're here to talk, anytime

 

[ChasingTheEscape]

Trust me friend, you need to laugh. Always. I have a huge sense of humor, sometimes dark, and I laugh at myself constantly. The day I stop laughing I know something is seriously very wrong with me.

I love knowing that people can still laugh & make light of a dark past. Some of my favorite memes are dark memes about H use or the similar experiences we've all had using any D.O.C.
I don't like attention in public/from family/friends so I haven't been sad in front of hardly anyone. Putting on a smile is easy when you don't want people to know why you're hurting, & I'm kind of hoping the "fake it till you make it" thing holds true, bc I'm fantastic at seeming a-ok in front of others.

Hey, just being real with you, there's no way you're going to find pure fent powder on the dark net so easily like that. I've never seen it. It's not available domestically and if you imported it then it would most likely be seized. Stay away from the too-good-to-be-true vritual candy shop friend. I haven't been on there in 7 months and that's why I've been sober

That gives me motivation to quit researching how to get this & that off the Dark web. For some reason I've always been really careless about getting caught. I guess it's bc I've been lucky enough to be let go after getting hand cuffed...Every time & have only been in a holding cell for 6hrs, never been to jail... The state I live in is wayyyy to nice to us junkies. Oregon is probably nicer to addicts than the state of Washington, if you did a living homeless in Portland VS Seattle type thing, I think Portland would win by a long shot.

I get it, but these fantasies are not healthy. Forget about fent. It's a busted shit ass drug anyways. I never found any euphoria in it at all.

I'm a HUGE hypocrite, because when I was a H addict I felt the EXACT same way about Fent. I'd go on rants to other users about how I could never even feel a "high" from trying the blues & that they're over priced & a waste of $ and a high.. but somehow I quit using H just so I could smoke only blues... fentanyl Is a bitch of a drug.

Just being real with you here - if you're thinking about how to get as high as possible on fentanyl analogues for the lowest price (who hasn't?) maybe we need to focus on why you want that.

I'd love to figure out why I can't just stay sober, I think it's just boredom. I used to be a PC gamer in middle/high school but gave it up to hang w/friends in HS & had little hobbies like playing softball or nail art but now I really don't have a passion for anything besides getting/finding my next high.

I think there is some healing that needs to be done. I'm just curious - have you ever been to rehab, jail or mental wards or anything like that?

I go to a methadone treatment facility by choice, but they kind of for the most part leave us alone, even when our UAs come up dirty they don't force classes or anything on us :/ They kind of intervened when I came to dose after my bf passed, they all knew him in person as he & I started going there together.
I talked to my nurse & asked for a 10mg increase in my dose bc I was super fentanyl sick as I had run out of money & couldn't handle going to work sick. They sent me to my counselor to talk about relapsing & upped my dosage to 80mg the next morning. My counselor felt for me as she knew exactly why I had relapsed but I don't think she understood that my bf was the 1 keeping us from becoming raging fentanyl addicts. We used around the same amount every month & sharing blues + our methadone kept us from withdrawing super bad. But when he was away in hospitals for months, I increased my usage by 100% and withdrawals became unbearable. Especially when he passed, I put my bank acct on negative $250 just to get high for one night & had to endure withdrawals for days bc of it.

I'd like to try therapy/counseling even a medical ward or jail might change my perspective on using again... But my grandma & mom who raised me are/were very religious & my gma didnt believe in treating my panic attacks as a child with medications, especially since I was young but they hid them from me and told me I had a gluten allergy.
The Dr suggested giving me a problem for why I was always "sick & acting weird" and then give me the solution. So they chose a gluten allergy that 7+yrs ago I had just found out I didn't have, & I really had panic attacks.
Even in college 3yrs ago when I missed my finals on accident bc I misread the schedule (& was shooting up H daily before & after school) I had a raging panic attack in front of 2 other H users when I discovered I had missed finals & They we're like wtf is going on why is she acting crazy about a simple mistake. They'd known me for 2yrs & it was their 1st time seeing me flip out & even for myself it was a surprise to have a panic attack, after years of forgetting I had them.

I tried to go to the Drs to get mental help two weeks ago when everything was going down, but all they did was lab tests - sent me home w/ a script for UTI meds & they were happy to find out I was HIV negative. They haven't called back to schedule an upcoming appt. Like they said they would. Ill call them today & explain I need mental help bc I'm tired of not being able to control when I'll flip out over something small or flip out & not know why for days until I discover the reason behind my stress.
It seems simple, the reason right now is bc my loved one is dead and gone & there's nothing I'll ever be able to do about it but "cope". I'm afraid to ask for medicine to help being sad/panic attacks bc I'm a drug user they'll think I'm seeking out Xanax or something to get high & I'm not I just want to be/appear normal. Even as a child I had panic attacks I skipped the entire 3rd grade bc I would cry & flip out every morning & my mom had to go to work so she let me stay home from school w/my grandma & play sick all year. That's when they took me to the Drs & told me I was allergic to gluten & that's why I was sick 24/7. Drs should never tell parents to lie to their children it's really fucked me up thinking I was normal all those yrs to find out I'm actually unstable asf.
I also whole heartdly believed in God, being raised hardcore Christian. But in H.S my step dad told me every culture has a "god" bc we as humans can't accept that we were accidents & we have no real purpose. It hit me hard & destroyed my faith, I don't believe in anything but love now.
If you have any advice on what to say to my new Dr, about needing help for grief & depression maybe, but mostly my random panic attacks, I'm definitely all ears now.

Friend, you are on the right website to do just that! If you want to see the less serious more social side of bluelight you can go to The Lounge or other forums. We aren't all about drugs and doom + gloom.

https://discord.gg/v9R9UBG7 here is the social BL discord, we are quite active over there. We're here to talk, anytime

I'd love to check out the lounge, it's nice to not focus on only my problems every sec of every day, & try to get my mind off my loss right now, & look forward to what life could be if I change my ways sooner rather than later.
It makes me sad that I'm not 100% sure what discord is knowing that I used to be such a huge PC gamer 10yrs ago lol but I'll definitely Google it & check it out!
I need something to fill my time if I'm going to get serious about stopping my fetty use for good.

Thank you so much for your help, I think the reason I haven't had a panic attack since my bf passed is bc I knew he was getting worse & I know I'm an addict who needs help, and denying the problems I have is always what caused stress to turn into a panic attack so letting me vent I think is saving me right now, ty ty ty! & I hope you have a great day helping others like me!
-Kae