Pregnant and confused

[Monalisa4545]

Last summer I started to notice my husband being very secretive with his phone and texting someone late at night after I had gone to bed and sometimes during the day. Our sex life at that point was pretty much non existent due to due to my breastfeeding our daughter. He was very protective of his phone. I noticed he accidentally saved porn on our iPad.... (which I confronted him on... which he blamed our lack of a sex life) so I figured he was just watching porn and was embarrassed or something. I got more curious and I after a little digging I realized he had become very close to a female coworker at work. He liked many Facebook pictures and posts of this women and after some prying I learned he had been having lunch with her alone on several occasions. He said he they would get together to vent about boss issues. I couldn?t shake the feeling that something more was going on. So I asked him on several occasions if he was attracted to her and eventually he admitted he found her ?a very attractive person?. I already knew this as she was completely his type, long red hair, volumptious.... everything I know I?m not. I became very insecure and hurt. I asked him to stop going out to lunch with her. He got angry but eventually agreed. I have noticed they have completely stopped corresponding on Facebook but I?m worried he may still be secretly texting her tho he says he is not. If nothing was going on between them why did they all of a sudden stop corresponding publicly after I confronted him? He conveniently asks me to visit him at work but only on days she is not at the office. I am just worried. I guess what I?m searching for here is some advice from both males and females on what I should do next. Should I secretly search his phone for clues....spy on him at work.... or just let this thing go and just trust him. I feel completely insecure and inadequate at this point.....to the point it is interfering on my life. Please help if you can! By the way.... I?m now 4 months pregnant which is not at all helping our situati

 

[herbavore]

Time to have a non-confrontational talk. You do not need to accuse him of anything--maybe he is telling the truth or maybe not but either way, confrontation is probably only going to divide you further. What you can bring up is how vulnerable this is making you feel. From breastfeeding to another baby on the way, I can only imagine. Did you plan these pregnancies? I guess I'm asking if he is as invested in being a family man/Dad as you are in being a mom? If he is, he needs to do everything possible to protect that little universe the two of you are creating. Trust in a marriage means almost everything. I would suggest counseling where you can both safely express your feelings and maybe get some pointers on how to talk rather than fight. Most of us don't grow up with any decent models for how to do this.