Potentially got myself in a bit of a mess with etizolam. Withdrawal advice?

[Tranced]

Okay, so basically I love benzo's. I've taken them recreationaly for eight years but never developed a habit. Whereas my friends took ecstasy and cocaine at parties, I'd take xanax. They don't effect me like other people; they make me very energised. I can basically take as many as I like and not fall asleep. I'll just have the best day ever. I'm currently suffering from depression and fatigue so they are particularly palatable. Taking a dose makes my life a lot more bearable for a few days or so, and I have more energy. They are the most effective cure for this ailment that I've yet to try. I've kind of balanced my depression/anxiety somwhat using nootropics i.e I no longer feel basically the worst I've felt my entire life.

Since Christmas I'd been buying etizolam every weekend, usually a pack of ten. I've always required at least 2mg etizolam/20mg diazepam/2mg alprazolam etc for effects; any less does nothing. But pretty soon I was needing 8mg etizolam to feel anything. I find that if I re-dose within two days then my tolerance kind of increases in a somewhat non-linear fashion. Also, if I under-dose (because my tolerance has increased), then trying to take more is less effective than if I'd just taken that initial dose, and my tolerance increases even further.

Fast forward to March and a friend convinces me to buy five grams of powder (to go halves on), which I really genuinely resisted, especially since I was fronting most of the money (I got it back) and I've always known what would happen if I got my hands on some kind of benzo powder. I've read the warnings on here; don't buy fucking milligram active benzo powder. Well I was probably on them when I agreed to it, against my better judgement.

Basically I'd been through a few grams and my tolerance was going up to 20mg, 30mg... some how I ended up at 100mg and by that point wasn't even really concerned. Well, around mid March I went out with said friend and took 150mg. We made a pact at that point to taper off as things were getting silly.

About a week later he basically started berating me on whatsapp about my benzo useage, and I pointed out that he'd actually consumed more powder than me because he'd been taking it longer. His attack was full of hypocrisy and fallacies, then I realised certain things he was saying he had no knowledge of. Then I realised that he'd had a coked up conversation with a certain other friend and they'd kind of exaggerated things together. I pointed this out to him. Next thing you know I've got a message from said other friend.

Sorry, I'm rambling now but basically I'm an apt debater and they both got 100% put to bed for their insensitive hypocritical and exaggerated approach which was clearly derived from a coked up argument. I understand that clearly I've been taking far too much etizolam, but to be berated by the person who got me to buy it in the first place was fucking annoying.

Anyway, this lead to a very insecure and shitty/depressed/anxious few weeks in which I had multiple arguments with them for being such cunts in their approach. This inevitably lead to me taking more etizolam.

I had been down to 92mg (from 150mg) a day and I genuinely think I would have kept going and eventually tapered off, but instead I took more and my use spiraled up to 120mg.

Then due to the UK ban (which didn't happen), I had to get a new batch. I've got no idea what stuff is, so I'm sending it off for testing. Anyway, here is my log of what I took:

saturday
14:46 - 136mg etizolam powder
15:33 - 30mg etizolam powder
15:59 - 36
= 202mg so far(nothing)
16:34 54mg etizolam
!!!!i.e 256mg etizolam in total!!!!
17:15: 44mg etizolam sublingually
17:35: swallowed above 44mg
** I have now taken 300mg in four~ hours) and felt fuck all**
**Maybe a very mind anti-anxiety effect but also a feeling of tiredness**


Whatever this stuff is, I'm certain it isn't etizolam. It doesn't last very long and it just makes me feel sluggish.

Anyway, I took it three times (I think I didn't even receive a full gram), with the remainder that I'm sending off to wedinos for testing.

Regardless, I last took 250mg of this stuff on Friday. Assuming my suspicions are correct, then my benzo tolerance is still at 120mg~ etizolam, which is equivalent of 120 times a normal dose.

Right, so getting to the point. I don't think I could have a benzo habit if I wanted one. It wouldn't be remotely sustainable. I literally couldn't afford it. Is this kind of tolerance even normal? If it wasn't for the fact that powder was freely and cheaply available in the UK I'd have to be buying bulk amounts for a single dose. It probably sounds like I do have a habit. Maybe I do. I know I've been silly but I've had little binges before and always stopped when I knew it was time. I always did what I called a dirty taper; I took half my dose after three days, then half that again another three days later, and it avoided withdrawals.

The thing is, back in 2008 I had three separate seizures from aplrazolam use. I had no idea the seizures were caused by benzos whatsoever. I'd been using it at parties, then I lost my job and suddenly I was taking them daily without realising. I'd buy 80 at a time and I had no idea that I needed to taper. It just kind of creeps up on you/tricks you. *Please nobody berate me and tell me I shouldn't be doing benzos. It's my bluelight pet hate.* Used sustainably I'm absolutely fine and I haven't had a seizure since. I think it's probably just that due to the fact I don't fall asleep and I was using them to party all weekend that I did probably hundreds/thousands of 2mg xanax over six months without being aware of the dangers.

I last took potentially 250mg of etizolam on Friday. I think it's probably more like 120mg. Ish. Regardless, that's 120 times a normal dose.

I feel absolutely fine right now, but my seizures always happened four days after taking xanax. I know etizolam has a different half life but for some reason, even when I was very reckless with this stuff 2 years ago after a breakup/failing uni and had another six month binge where I sometimes didn't do any kind of taper, I just had brain zaps/anxiety/depression on withdrawals. I know that brain zaps are seizure territory.

I would usually take a lower dose tomorrow. But it's bank holiday and I'm all out. I'd figured I'd probably be fine and order more yesterday. But it's bank holiday and the postal service is closed so that's 100% out of the question.

Part of me thinks that I feel fine and after a couple of days of feeling crap I'll be over it and lay off them and give up the binges for good. But another part of me knows that I've taken the equivalent of over 100 benzos in one go, and I've been using them for around 5-6 months. I could swear it's meant to be March. Where the fuck did May come from? I know that this is very dangerous.

Whoops.

What can I do? I have an appointment with my doctor soon which my parents will be attending. I really don't want my doctor to just further disregard my fatigue or to claim my depression/anxiety is benzo related, when it isn't. Or for him to sit there knowingly trying to side-step my benzo use.

I really just want to stop cold turkey. I can't be bothered to taper off a ridiculous dose of benzo powder. It's too expensive and too moreish. But seizures are something I would never like to experience again.

What are my options, bearing in mind I'm in the UK? What do the doctors even given you when you're on at least over 120 times a normal dose? I can't imagine being prescribed 120 diazepam just because I give my word that I've been doing a fuckload of benzos on a binge.

Really I just don't want a seizure. I have ten etizolam, 6 diazepam and 18mg (to send off for testing) of whatever that stuff is. Which is the equivalent of 36mg etizolam i.e fuck all.

Sorry, this is very long. But I think I may have a predicament.

So yeah, options? Obviously everybody is going to tell me to go to the doctor (I'm not even sure it will be open until Tuesday). But what would the doctor usually do? Where else can you go?

 

[MrRoot]

As you haven't exactly acknowledged that you have an addiction I just try to cover the important issues about you saving your own life instead of going yet at all into how one might stay clear after he has decided to quit for real after admitting he is in trouble.

Taking 120 times the normal dose of any benzo and cold turkeying is asking for grand mal seizure to happen. If you can't taper on your own due financial reasons you just simple have to go to that doctor and tell him clearly how much you have been using. Otherwise go to ER and tell them how much you have been using asap or atleast when you start noticing brain zaps.

No matter what the dose you have been using they'll monitor you if you have (and you really have) been using benzos excessively and start giving benzo of their choice to prevent you from dying as your brains go haywire. I am quite sure you are not the only one who has been using those insane amounts of benzos and they have the best experience to treat and detox you.

No matter what you think about it, please go to see a professional.

 

[cj]

I am thinking that the etiz you have has to be badly cut. Either that or you have been in a blackout for awhile now as those doses you mention are extremely high! Either way you cannot stop without a taper. I think my advice is to find some pharmaceutical benzos to purchase and use those to gauge exactly how high your tolerance actually is. 1mg of etizolam is equal to 10mg of diazepam. Basically it just seems impossible for you to have the tolerance you are claiming.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It sounds like tachyphylaxis, which seems to be very common with etizolam.

 

[Atmozfears]

I've taken them recreationaly for eight years but never developed a habit.

Ya sure about that mate?

Get rid of the etizolam. Nobody should be on benzos unless needed for seizures or something IMO. Talk to your doctor about a taper.. I did that before when I had a 15/mg etizolam habit. The doctor was a bit dumbfounded as to what Etizolam was at first, though.. lol. I agree with the person above, your Etizolam seems pretty damn cut because .. just wow.. doses like that ..

 

[Tranced]

Ya sure about that mate?

Yes. I would take benzos only at clubs/after parties instead of MDMA pills, and never became addicted that way. Taking it when I was depressed and came into possession of mg active powder was the first time that my use became out of control. But let's not argue about this; I can certainly see why people would contest it. My friends did MDMA, I got my social energy from xanax, and I used it sparingly for a long time. People can interpret that as they please (not being arsey BTW, just don't fancy debating it).

Just to update on my situation: I tapered down to 2mg by myself. I can confirm that the powder was in fact likely pure. I can remember finding alprazolam powder and 2mg had a friend fighting to keep.his eyes open. I was doing 250mg from the same batch, and like i say, eventually tapered down to 2mg (which was an effective dose) by redosing every 3-4 days, thereby allowing my tolerance to drop.

The fact that benzos somewhat stimulate me means that I can redose rediculous amounts in one binge, leading to tolerance like this.

Three weeks ago I told my doctor, and he has had me on 4mg diazepam every eight(ish) hours, now reduced to 2mg. In three weeks time I will be on 2mg, then finished.

I don't really remember this year, and I really can't be bothered to read my own initial thread, but I will eventually.

There was always a sort of mantra on blue light never to fuck about with 1mg active benzo powder. No, you can't just be really careful and have a personal 1k benzo supply forever. Yes you will get addicted, and it took me three separate grand mal seizures to realise that.

Don't fuck about with benzo powder.

Thanks for the people in this thread who attempted to make me see sense. I appreciate it.