KurtAurelius
Bluelighter
Sunday the 22nd, birds singing their first song and I view the clock, 6:15, after fighting my racing post dream thoughts. I was writing goodbye on pictures of KurtCobain.
Lights through the blind, Alexa still playing the sound of Rain.
I wake up today and feel lost.
My life feels as if it has no direction, because I no longer care as much for the things I once did.
I am not motivated by any further accomplishment or dream.
I am even now bored by getting high, not through tolerance but avolition.
I fall asleep to wake up to this, the feeling of discomfort and burden.
I tell myself to be objective, but it seems certain the absence of any authenticity in this world,
The absence of any meaning, beyond getting up and going for pennies.
With pennies I’m supposed to trick myself into fulfilment, but I already shed this facade.
I don’t want pennies, I don’t want a family, I don’t want to travel, I don’t want any of this.
Even I am bored of myself, bored of this, I wake up only because my body responds to light.
How I spoil my last little joys, I searched for truth only for it to strip everything else away.
Lights through the blind, Alexa still playing the sound of Rain.
I wake up today and feel lost.
My life feels as if it has no direction, because I no longer care as much for the things I once did.
I am not motivated by any further accomplishment or dream.
I am even now bored by getting high, not through tolerance but avolition.
I fall asleep to wake up to this, the feeling of discomfort and burden.
I tell myself to be objective, but it seems certain the absence of any authenticity in this world,
The absence of any meaning, beyond getting up and going for pennies.
With pennies I’m supposed to trick myself into fulfilment, but I already shed this facade.
I don’t want pennies, I don’t want a family, I don’t want to travel, I don’t want any of this.
Even I am bored of myself, bored of this, I wake up only because my body responds to light.
How I spoil my last little joys, I searched for truth only for it to strip everything else away.
