Pwninator
Greenlighter
Hey what's up everyone. I'd like to post about an issue that still concerns me, mainly because I have no idea by what mechanism it could have happened, so far the doctors I've brought it up to haven't had any ideas about it. I believe that a combination of two pills I ingested one night at a rave just a little over two years ago caused some lasting effects on my body, which are still noticeable to this day.
Here's a little write-up of the experience I had jotted down in some notes quite a while ago:
I never finished writing that, that's why it ends abruptly. So pretty much, what I still notice is there does seem to be a little less sensation in my hands than there should be, but the thing is, when they're cold it's aggravated, so when they're not cold it's hard to tell if it's all in my mind or not. And part of the problem is that they become cold easily. The reason why I am fairly convinced that this incident caused this is that I definitely noticed something was wrong shortly after the incident, and also some sexual issues. The diminished sensation is also noticable in my penis, and sometimes obtaining and maintaining erections isn't easy. I never used to have a problem with this at all. My body's anxiety response is somewhat extreme and I was recently put on some medications for anxiety. The anxiety aggravates this condition and anxiolytics noticably relieve the cold-hands thing. For some reason consuming alcohol can aggravate the condition for days after drinking, causing more numbness and cold feelings.
One thing that aggravated it worse than anything else was LSD. Several times on while on acid I actually had the sensation that someone was squeezing their hand around my wrist constricting all the blood flow to my hands, they felt so cold and it was quite an uncomfortable feeling while tripping. LSD has vasoconstrictive effects so this is unsurprising. Consuming a small amount of cocaine also caused a similar, less severe reaction. This is one reason why I'm aversive to stimulants, but I always have been because of a heart condition called WPW I have. My body can tolerate pure MDMA pretty well since it's not a powerful stimulant.
Connecting all the dots together, I believe that whatever changes to my body may have taken place after that experience with the pills may have resulted in a heightened reaction to the vasoconstrictive effects of drugs and natural bodily functions (mainly the fight-or-flight anxiety response) and possibly some minor circulatory or neurological damage. It's certainly not severe, but it is quite bothersome some times. In conclusion, I advise everyone to thoroughly research the pills you plan to ingest before taking them, so you have a good idea of what they contain and that way you can avoid taking a terrible combination of drugs like the one I had that night. I mean shit man, two highly stimulating drugs taken together? That's about the worst possible combination of drugs I could have put into my body. I am lucky I didn't end up in the hospital that night.
Self-acceptance is tough, it really is. Accepting myself for the way that I am, coming to terms with the fact that there's no going back and changing what I did to myself. And I mean, it could be quite worse (like the permanent damage a guy named Unlucky described on this forum which he had from a combo of stimulants he took one night) but I still dwell on it. It discourages me from practicing guitar sometimes, because it's hard to play when my hands are cold. And so many things aggravate it, like smoking weed, caffeine, cigarettes... Not that I should be smoking anyway, heh.
Oh, and let me throw one more thing out there I forgot to add. I'm currently in outpatient treatment for opiate addiction. My usage culminated in trying out the needle (shooting dilaudid) and I ended up having a nervous breakdown, feeling severely depressed and having to leave school shortly after the winter quarter started this year.
Here's a little write-up of the experience I had jotted down in some notes quite a while ago:
Now to tell about the night when the shit went down. I was just beginning to make new connections to purchase drugs at my university, and one of them had some pills to sell. We
were going to a rave downtown and I was excited about it, ‘coz it was the first event of its kind I had ever been to and I had been fascinated with the rave scene for a while. I had already tried a dose of molly at a party, but for some reason it didn’t hit me that hard and I was underwhelmed by that experience. But I experienced no ill effects on my health whatsoever afterwards. There was no comedown to speak of, and I had DEFINITELY felt it, it just wasn’t enough of a dose.
So this guy with the pills, let's call him Mike. He had two batches of pills, both picked up from Southern California. One was Blue Z's, the other was Orange Mercedes. I made
the impulsive decision to purchase one of each for the rave, as he told me he had done this combo before and had an enjoyable time. He even described psychedelic-like effects from
one of these pills - the Orange Mercedes one. Knowing that I would be too socially inhibited if I wasn't on "something" at this rave, I bought the pills hoping that they would allow me to lose all my fears and enjoy myself there. We hopped on a bus and headed downtown. Mike accompanied us and planned on also popping one of each pill. I popped the Blue Z on the way there. Info on pillreports indicates that this pill contained primarily methamphetamine and little or no MDMA at all. We arrived at the rave and it turned out it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be – it was mainly a bunch of fucking high school kids! About 45 min after consuming the Blue Z I popped the Orange Mercedes pill, the one that I believe really fucked me. Now, this one was indicated by pillreports to be a definite piperazine, and it was tested by someone with a test kit. Probably BZP and TFMPP.
I remember when I first started coming up – we were talking about leaving the rave ‘coz it was pretty lame honestly. The music wasn’t blowing me away by any means, and all of us were getting a bad vibe from it. We went outside to have a cig, and I was starting to feel pretty good at the time. Smoking the cig kicked it into overdrive – I felt fucking amazing. We went back in to the rave, preparing to leave, and all of a sudden I was smacked by an intense wave of nausea. I went to the bathroom, ready to puke, but it never came. The wave passed and I felt fine again. We left for the bus station and I felt relaxed and energized at the same time, my social inhibitions were gone and I was chatting up a storm with Mike, opening up to him about myself and my life. Sitting in front of the bus waiting to get on it, the warm air emanating from a vent on the side felt sooo good, I still remember.
We were on the bus heading back to campus, and then out of the blue another wave smacked me in the face. An uprising of fear and anxiety, not wanting to puke my guts out on the bus and become the center of attention, I signaled to my friends that we needed to get of the bus ASAP. We got off at the next stop, I was leaning over a bush ready once again to empty the contents of my stomach and then the wave passed by. My friends are rather irritated ‘coz we’re all outside in the cold, me with no jacket, without another bus coming for a while. I feel terrible about doing this to all of us, but what choice do we have now? So we started walking. I actually felt ok when we were walking, as long as we were moving I was all right, it seemed. But then a wave would hit me every now and then and I would have to stop and wait for the feeling to pass, I would feel tweaked out and sick to my stomach. We were walking through a residential neighborhood after midnight and Mike and I stopped to get some water from someone’s water spigot ‘coz we were both so fucking thirsty! We must have walked for an hour and a half or so, making our way towards campus. We made it to a 7-11 and stopped to buy some orange juice there. I thought I would feel relief being inside someplace warm, but a wave hit me while I was inside and this was the worst one yet. I felt like I was going to die, straight up. I thought I was going to collapse right there, and I thought of everything in my life that I had experienced, everything I was going to leave behind forever as I entered the Great Oblivion. I felt so sick and dizzy, my thoughts were scattered and dominated with anxiety and I truly thought a heart-attack was imminent or something. And then I went back outside, hoping that the cool air would provide some relief, and felt better once again.
Well, we finally caught a bus back to campus and we went to chill in someone’s room and smoke some hookah, which I had no desire to participate in. I was still feeling rather sick and not in that much of a mood to converse with the others. I slowly began to feel better (This was around 2 in the morning), and felt very relieved that the “waves” had subsided. I became very talkative and uninhibited again, chatting it up with someone that I previously hadn’t really opened up to much at all. I felt much more relaxed and at ease, but I was pissing like a fucking race horse! Like every 20 min, run to the bathroom and drain my body of all its precious fluids… At 4:30 in the morning, my friends were retiring for the night, and I was still wide awake. I tried to get my friend to stay awake and talk with me but he was exhausted. I walked back to my room, and lay in my bed wide awake ‘til morning. I’m guessing that the reason why I began to feel better throughout the early hours of the morning was that the piperazine pill was wearing off and I was left with the meth active in my system, since I now know that methamphetamine can last at least 12 hours or so when consumed orally.
The comedown was terrible. Most of the next day, my heart was STILL beating fast and hard and my pupils were still huge. I felt like utter shit. Drained of energy, no motivation, no appetite. I went to sleep around 6:30 or 7 that day and thankfully was able to sleep a loooong time that night. The next day, my heart was still beating a little fast! The next few days I began to slowly feel better and regain my appetite, but I would say I was feeling out of sorts for at least a week after the experience. I remember at the time I was worried about a slight numbness throughout this body and I couldn’t be sure if it was all in my head or not but it seemed to gradually subside after the experience. But one thing did NOT subside: problems with a loss of sensation in my extremities and my hands and feet becoming cold very easily. This is the problem that’s still with me now.
It’s a feeling of numbness in my hands and feet that becomes more pronounced the more cold they become. I’m more vulnerable to cold weather than I used to be, and my socks will become soaked with sweat and my fingertips will also become very moist when they get cold. Caffeine and cigarettes both aggravate this, which I never used to notice at all. Now, sometimes I’ll smoke a stoge and my hands will become freezing cold and numb, which makes sense ‘coz they’re both vasoconstrictors which indicates that it may be something to do with my circulation. That’s more reassuring to me than thinking that maybe there’s some neurological damage caused by my brain being over-stimulated that night or something… I first noticed something was wrong when I was playing guitar
I never finished writing that, that's why it ends abruptly. So pretty much, what I still notice is there does seem to be a little less sensation in my hands than there should be, but the thing is, when they're cold it's aggravated, so when they're not cold it's hard to tell if it's all in my mind or not. And part of the problem is that they become cold easily. The reason why I am fairly convinced that this incident caused this is that I definitely noticed something was wrong shortly after the incident, and also some sexual issues. The diminished sensation is also noticable in my penis, and sometimes obtaining and maintaining erections isn't easy. I never used to have a problem with this at all. My body's anxiety response is somewhat extreme and I was recently put on some medications for anxiety. The anxiety aggravates this condition and anxiolytics noticably relieve the cold-hands thing. For some reason consuming alcohol can aggravate the condition for days after drinking, causing more numbness and cold feelings.
One thing that aggravated it worse than anything else was LSD. Several times on while on acid I actually had the sensation that someone was squeezing their hand around my wrist constricting all the blood flow to my hands, they felt so cold and it was quite an uncomfortable feeling while tripping. LSD has vasoconstrictive effects so this is unsurprising. Consuming a small amount of cocaine also caused a similar, less severe reaction. This is one reason why I'm aversive to stimulants, but I always have been because of a heart condition called WPW I have. My body can tolerate pure MDMA pretty well since it's not a powerful stimulant.
Connecting all the dots together, I believe that whatever changes to my body may have taken place after that experience with the pills may have resulted in a heightened reaction to the vasoconstrictive effects of drugs and natural bodily functions (mainly the fight-or-flight anxiety response) and possibly some minor circulatory or neurological damage. It's certainly not severe, but it is quite bothersome some times. In conclusion, I advise everyone to thoroughly research the pills you plan to ingest before taking them, so you have a good idea of what they contain and that way you can avoid taking a terrible combination of drugs like the one I had that night. I mean shit man, two highly stimulating drugs taken together? That's about the worst possible combination of drugs I could have put into my body. I am lucky I didn't end up in the hospital that night.
Self-acceptance is tough, it really is. Accepting myself for the way that I am, coming to terms with the fact that there's no going back and changing what I did to myself. And I mean, it could be quite worse (like the permanent damage a guy named Unlucky described on this forum which he had from a combo of stimulants he took one night) but I still dwell on it. It discourages me from practicing guitar sometimes, because it's hard to play when my hands are cold. And so many things aggravate it, like smoking weed, caffeine, cigarettes... Not that I should be smoking anyway, heh.
Oh, and let me throw one more thing out there I forgot to add. I'm currently in outpatient treatment for opiate addiction. My usage culminated in trying out the needle (shooting dilaudid) and I ended up having a nervous breakdown, feeling severely depressed and having to leave school shortly after the winter quarter started this year.
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