Mental Health Possible Drug induced mental illness?

[trillish10]

Hey, well first of all im 19. I've always been prone to being a bit different, and straying from the typical path. This is a good trait in my eyes but it has a tendency to cloud my mindset and sometimes causing harm in my relationships with family and friends.
Well, in the hope of self improvement i had found the world of psychedelic drugs (LSD, Mushrooms, MDMA). At first, it was in all hope of finding enlightenment, and mind expansion. I started using MDMA first and it was grand and healthy, i was using safe harm reduction techniques and being safe, but than in the last 6 months i started using mdma much too often, and it was not damaging my mental health or my body. I than got into LSD quite often. This is when things took and interesting turn. The majority of my trips were grand but i noticed a slight feeling of being separated from my normal self. Especially after a 5 tab dose of LSD in which i temporally lost my mind, and was most definitely a bad trip. I didnt feel like i was dying, i just felt "Insane". I was in a room for 1.5 hrs but thought i was there for much much longer. I thought i was stuck and it traumatized me, even still. Since than nothing is really quite the same. I have this aggression, where i am just so angry at a lot of things for no reason. My ideas and hopes of enlightenment slowly faded and eventually all i wanted to do was take MDMA every weekend at doses as high as half a gram for about two months. I know i fucked up, and my 5-H2's hate me right now. I feel depressed, i feel paranoid of myself that im developing psychosis or somehow have gone insane waiting to snap. I feel fine, but theres just little hint all the time of this scared feeling, and lack of clarity. I feel like in the midst of some type of impending doom. I am trying to get back to my positive mindset but its hard. Does anyone have any similar feelings? Does this sound like something potentially serious or just a side effect from over use of MDMA and LSD in a small amount of time? also, i am sober from everything now even weed. I plan on mediating and focusing on school and music, hoping my mind clears and i can regain clarity and that natural feeling of well being. Thanks for any help anyone can give me. Also, im not sure if im in the right forum on this one so please correct me if so, thank you.

 

[Mysterie]

how long has it been since you were using .5g mdma once a week?
from what you have said I don't think you have developed a mental illness due to drug use, you are suffering after effects from using mdma too frequently at high doses
everyone who goes through this has those thoughts that they are never going to be the same and that they have fucked up their life now

but time will definitely be a key factor in returning you to your normal self, there are some things you can do to speed up the process

- 30 mins cardio exercise 5-7 times a week (swimming/running/sports/yoga)
- healthy eating (emphasis on fresh food and whole food)
- daily meditation is a huge one to restore balance in your mind (this resource is what helped me understand meditation in greater detail and has been a big inspiration in my life, i cant recommend you read it enough)
- if you are concerned about clarity of mind/depression i know it sucks initially but you should aim to use weed once a fortnight and if that isn't possible then id recommend you abstain
- try and write yourself a schedule each morning so you have something to occupy your time with throughout the day, i find if i just end up sitting in bed all day watching TV/browsing internet and eating snacks all day then i am much more prone to depressive thoughts than if i am having to move about and use my brain doing tasks
- if you are still getting much sunshine in US then getting outside in the sun and soaking up rays is a big way to improve mood
- spend extra time on your hobbies (this could be practicing/learning a musical instrument / building things)
- it could be a good idea to supplement your diet with magnesium and fish oil (i take 500mg magnesium morning and night and 2 capsules of concentrated fish oil morning and night)
magnesium helps with anxiety and stress and improves overall mood while fish oil is a good for cognition long term and depression also apparently

also it is super important not to constantly dwell on negative thought loops or reading about other people who have abused mdma or had bad trips and had a hard time
what helps me if i have thought patterns which make me feel shitty, are breathing exercises, so i focus all my attention on feeling the air on the inside of my nostril as it enters and leaves, and any thoughts that arise in your head you dont cling on to and dont push away but try and pay them no importance and each time you do that it becomes easier to get out of negative thought loops

 

[trillish10]

Thanks a lot for the reply. Totally gave me some reassurance and comfort. It has been about 3 weeks since I've stopped using MDMA. I knew that what i was experiencing was typical of mdma abuse in high doses but i was not sure, nor did i expect it to be as intense as it was. The tips are great and i will surely use them. Thanks again for the helpful post.

 

[sonicwhite]

I went thru a psychosis because of too much MDMA meth and mushrooms. They say the meth is what caused me to go over the edge but I have BP and the psychosis lasted about seven months....When A meth induced psychosis last as long as your using. Anyway.... there for me is no other choice but to be on psych meds. You may have not gone as far as I did but trust me it will get worse.......Those feelings your getting are all your chemicals are scrambled. But I would def suggest that you stay away from drug's. I don't wish anyone go thru what i did.

 

[DexyDevil]

I think you will be just fine. But here's my words of warning...

1. You need to stay sober for a good stretch of time. I know that isn't easy. This one you already know, so I won't elaborate.

2. Be careful if you seek treatment for a mental health issue. I take five psych meds currently (Adderall, Pristiq, Lyrica, Remeron, Seroquel) and am doing quite well but I don't think I would have needed any of these (except maybe Adderall) had I not been started on the med-go-round so early and stayed on it so long. Probably because of drug and having a touch of autism, I was first misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, then a large list of others.
Psychiatry, lacking any of objective biological testing, is not a real science and the psychotropic crapshoot can really mess you up!

 

[Libra051209]

I am currently going through what is most likley PAWS. Even though its been nearly 2 months since getting sober, I still go through psycosis/paranoia/anxiety/depression. Some days are good and some days are bad. I try to keep a journal. I can see my bad days and I can see my good days. I can look through it and know that itll pass, I just have to be strong and push on. The thing that is hard or makes it hard to overcome is that my paranoia is towards my husband. But apparently, with women in a meth psycosis, its more likey that than anything.

Anyway, as a person going through the clean up after the storm, i can most definitely relate. Sometimes you just need to get it out. Vent, uncage that animal or as I like to say uncage the crazy! Its just feels better to let it out, to voice yourself, to know someone is listening understands and is there for support. It helps to know somebody cares and I really believe there are a lot of people on this site (me being one) who honestly do care.



Everyday is a new challenge and everynight is a victory. The past is a lesson learned and the future is a mystery.

 

[mrflowers00]

drugs don't cause permanent mental illness but if you have dormant mental illness they can bring it out

 

[trillish10]

Thanks for the input everyone, as an update, ive been doing pretty well. Ive started the semester at school so ive had a lot of social interaction. im feeling positive and rarely feel the way i was when i posted this. i guess i just had a lowpoint, thankfully it passed. Im focused, social and happy for the most part. i was precribed adderall recently to help focus on school, something that ive been trying to get for years and this is helping me a lot. I feel so focused and ready to do things. Ive been abstinent from other drugs and im feeling a major sense of clarity. I dont think that ill ever use drugs aside from natural things, like weed and mushrooms or DMT, besides my adderall prescription. Thanks again forvthe information and support

 

[Middleway]

Treat adderall with the greatest of respect - start getting high on it or missing sleep you will pay.

I speak from experience - glad you are doing better

 

[trillish10]

Yes of course, last thing i want is an amphetamine induced psychosis haha.

 

[wendyjames2]

how long has it been since you were using .5g mdma once a week?
from what you have said I don't think you have developed a mental illness due to drug use, you are suffering after effects from using mdma too frequently at high doses
everyone who goes through this has those thoughts that they are never going to be the same and that they have fucked up their life now

but time will definitely be a key factor in returning you to your normal self, there are some things you can do to speed up the process

- 30 mins cardio exercise 5-7 times a week (swimming/running/sports/yoga)
- healthy eating (emphasis on fresh food and whole food)
- daily meditation is a huge one to restore balance in your mind (this resource is what helped me understand meditation in greater detail and has been a big inspiration in my life, i cant recommend you read it enough)
- if you are concerned about clarity of mind/depression i know it sucks initially but you should aim to use weed once a fortnight and if that isn't possible then id recommend you abstain
- try and write yourself a schedule each morning so you have something to occupy your time with throughout the day, i find if i just end up sitting in bed all day watching TV/browsing internet and eating snacks all day then i am much more prone to depressive thoughts than if i am having to move about and use my brain doing tasks
- if you are still getting much sunshine in US then getting outside in the sun and soaking up rays is a big way to improve mood
- spend extra time on your hobbies (this could be practicing/learning a musical instrument / building things)
- it could be a good idea to supplement your diet with magnesium and fish oil (i take 500mg magnesium morning and night and 2 capsules of concentrated fish oil morning and night)
magnesium helps with anxiety and stress and improves overall mood while fish oil is a good for cognition long term and depression also apparently

also it is super important not to constantly dwell on negative thought loops or reading about other people who have abused mdma or had bad trips and had a hard time
what helps me if i have thought patterns which make me feel shitty, are breathing exercises, so i focus all my attention on feeling the air on the inside of my nostril as it enters and leaves, and any thoughts that arise in your head you dont cling on to and dont push away but try and pay them no importance and each time you do that it becomes easier to get out of negative thought loops

Great and detailed tip you got here. It's nice to see that people in this forum step back a little and reach out to people in need. Thank you. This forum helped me a lot handling my own issues too.