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Meth Possibility that it's not paranoia, it's real?

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billyj

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Apr 28, 2019
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I've posted about this before over the years, apologies for any repetition and thanks for your patience, but it just won't leave my mind.

Though no neighbour/hotel guest/landlord/police have ever knocked on my door or even banged on my wall or come around the next day to talk to me I remain CONVINCED that they can hear me, are aware that I am on meth and are listening and maybe calling the police etc despite me being alone and quiet in my room just watching porn with headphones. This conviction stays with me, even months later.

Logic and research and forums like these have helped me realise that it is so unlikely that anyone can or has heard anything and if they have, have probably just gone back to sleep or not cared. But it still nags at me that they *might* have and that it's a mix of paranoia and actual gut feelings and/or actually hearing them complaining from the next room.

I guess what worries e ultimately is that I may have a predisposition to paranoia, as even when I'm sober I'm sometimes convinced everyone is listening/watching and worse than that, maybe I'm still feeling the waves of meth paranoia months later (haven't used for at at least six months).

Does anyone have any response to this?
 
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If you have these feelings even when sober months after meth use id say you've developed some form of drug induced psychosis. Are you still using other drugs regularly?

I had similar paranoias to you for about 3 months after getting clean from all drugs.
Time, drug abstinence and taking care of your mind and body will do you good. If that still doesn’t help and its really bothering you id look into antipsychotics.
 
Totally sober, take nothing else at all, don't even drink coffee. I have considered talking to a professional about it.
 
When i tried pyros years ago i felt like this even when sober for weeks after stupid binges. I generally avoid heavy amp use now.

The best attitude is to not give a fuck even if it’s real, if they don’t pay rent fuck em until the door gets kicked in for real instead of worrying about sounds of people living their life. If it is that detrimental to your wellbeing I’d recommend a break to calm your nerves.


I’ve had people comment on stanky mdphp fb smoked through a bubbler and my doorbell rang (never had auditory hallucinations luckily) which kinds of puts a bummer on your panic attack rush that no benzo could cut through. Also heard people call me a crackhead but fuck em, it’s been ages. Im so glad I wasnt around for mdpv i feel like that one and pvp could change people forever, all of them really. Glad the hype died. Never again.
 
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Loquacious said:
When i tried pyros years ago i felt like this even when sober for weeks after stupid binges. I generally avoid heavy amp use now.

The best attitude is to not give a fuck even if it’s real, if they don’t pay rent fuck em until the door gets kicked in for real instead of worrying about sounds of people living their life. If it is that detrimental to your wellbeing I’d recommend a break to calm your nerves.


I’ve had people comment on stanky mdphp fb smoked through a bubbler and my doorbell rang (never had auditory hallucinations luckily) which kinds of puts a bummer on your panic attack rush that no benzo could cut through. Also heard people call me a crackhead but fuck em, it’s been ages. Im so glad I wasnt around for mdpv i feel like that one and pvp could change people forever, all of them really. Glad the hype died. Never again.
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I was a big mdpv, apvp, aphp - head, and thankfully the paranoia goes away with enough time. I mean with that stuff, I saw and heard a lot of crazy shit, but typically when I sobered up it was fine. The more experience I started having with stimulants the more I realized that, it was all just bullshit and figment of my imagination. It was terrible when mixed with dissociatives though. And yeah it's hard to convince yourself that it's all bullshit when you're deep in a binge or a delusion.

OP if You're still having paranoia months later, I would consider talking to someone about it. Idk, I took antipsychotics for a long period. I no longer do, but they helped me get away from stimulant addiction. Sounds like you've gotten through it mostly, are you using any other drugs though?
 
The best attitude is to not give a fuck even if it’s real
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+1

@billyj

Paranoia is heightened anxiety. At the end of the day, fuck your neighbours. Live your life. It doesn't matter if they know you are consuming meth. It doesn't matter if they are complaining.

The only thing that matters is if they send cops around to your house... and what are the cops going to do without a warrant?

...

What is at the core of your fear?

Are you ashamed about the porn?

Are you concerned about going to jail?

Try to rationalize it.

...

I say take the headphones off and listen to porn loudly and proudly in your house. Own your space. You deserve to live and make noise and get high.

Fuck them.
 
Frog Dreams said:
+1

@billyj

Paranoia is heightened anxiety. At the end of the day, fuck your neighbours. Live your life. It doesn't matter if they know you are consuming meth. It doesn't matter if they are complaining.

The only thing that matters is if they send cops around to your house... and what are the cops going to do without a warrant?

...

What is at the core of your fear?

Are you ashamed about the porn?

Are you concerned about going to jail?

Try to rationalize it.

...

I say take the headphones off and listen to porn loudly and proudly in your house. Own your space. You deserve to live and make noise and get high.

Fuck them.
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I would do all of that but i live in southeast asia and police dont need a warrant, the walls have ears and penalties are severe.
 
deficiT said:
I was a big mdpv, apvp, aphp - head, and thankfully the paranoia goes away with enough time. I mean with that stuff, I saw and heard a lot of crazy shit, but typically when I sobered up it was fine. The more experience I started having with stimulants the more I realized that, it was all just bullshit and figment of my imagination. It was terrible when mixed with dissociatives though. And yeah it's hard to convince yourself that it's all bullshit when you're deep in a binge or a delusion.

OP if You're still having paranoia months later, I would consider talking to someone about it. Idk, I took antipsychotics for a long period. I no longer do, but they helped me get away from stimulant addiction. Sounds like you've gotten through it mostly, are you using any other drugs though?
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Used xanax for a while but now not for a while (always use it if having meth) but nothing else, no.
 
billyj said:
I would do all of that but i live in southeast asia and police dont need a warrant, the walls have ears and penalties are severe.
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That alone would increase the paranoia factor for me personally. But yeah, it's not normal to have continued for that long after being sober.
 
billyj said:
I've posted about this before over the years, apologies for any repetition and thanks for your patience, but it just won't leave my mind.

Though no neighbour/hotel guest/landlord/police have ever knocked on my door or even banged on my wall or come around the next day to talk to me I remain CONVINCED that they can hear me, are aware that I am on meth and are listening and maybe calling the police etc despite me being alone and quiet in my room just watching porn with headphones. This conviction stays with me, even months later.

Logic and research and forums like these have helped me realise that it is so unlikely that anyone can or has heard anything and if they have, have probably just gone back to sleep or not cared. But it still nags at me that they *might* have and that it's a mix of paranoia and actual gut feelings and/or actually hearing them complaining from the next room.

I guess what worries e ultimately is that I may have a predisposition to paranoia, as even when I'm sober I'm sometimes convinced everyone is listening/watching and worse than that, maybe I'm still feeling the waves of meth paranoia months later (haven't used for at at least six months).

Does anyone have any response to this?
Click to expand...

You're right it is paranoia, and not founded in a realistic grasp of the circumstances. In general, other people genuinely don't care about you enough to take the kind of interest in you that would be needed for any of your imaginings to be real.

Sure, when someone really doesn't like you, they're motivated to want to pay attention to you and find out bad stuff. But it does take a fair bit of mental energy, so even with that motive, most normal folks who dislike you won't go to the bother, and only the broken freaks will. But unless you have strong, proven indications of that, you can safely dismiss your hypervigilant paranoid thoughts.
 
CFC said:
You're right it is paranoia, and not founded in a realistic grasp of the circumstances. In general, other people genuinely don't care about you enough to take the kind of interest in you that would be needed for any of your imaginings to be real.

Sure, when someone really doesn't like you, they're motivated to want to pay attention to you and find out bad stuff. But it does take a fair bit of mental energy, so even with that motive, most normal folks who dislike you won't go to the bother, and only the broken freaks will. But unless you have strong, proven indications of that, you can safely dismiss your hypervigilant paranoid thoughts.
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Thank you, that's helpful. I agree that very people are committed to staying awake all night long with a glass pressed to the wall listening for any sound their neighbours make no matter how much they dislike them. The likelihood that anyone does anything more when they hear a bump in the night than roll over and go back to sleep is next to nil. I very occasionally hear my neighbours having early morning sex, or cats playing on the roof, and I don't get out infrared cameras and call the police and so on. Who cares? And also, as I said in my OP, I have no proof at all of anything on the contrary the two or three times I've done it in the current house nobody has said or done anything and no message from the landlord about complaints much less a visit from the police (which would be 100% certain in the country where I live, if drug likely behaviour was reported to them) has ever occured. Indeed I bump into neighbours and so on in the immediate vicinity over the next few days and they smile and say hello.

So that was the purpose of my OP. All of the above allows me to hold onto sanity, but there's this nagging voice that is like a permanent broken record of being paranoid while high/coming down, stuck there six months later. Maybe I should speak to a professional.
 
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billyj said:
All of the above allows me to hold onto sanity, but there's this nagging voice that is like a permanent broken record of being paranoid while high/coming down, stuck there six months later. Maybe I should speak to a professional.
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Maybe it helps to know that loads of others are in the same situation? Like, we know certain thoughts likely aren't true. And yet the thoughts continue to plague/ruminate through our brains, sometimes more intensely, sometimes less so. For many of us, it's hard to discredit a thought we're having. It's as if merely having the thought is somehow 'proof' of its credibility. When, of course, it's nothing of the sort.

One of the few things I found that would help when things get really bad with intrusive thoughts is exercise, particularly fairly high intensity stuff. That really helps to reset some parts of the brain. Also good, refreshing, brain-crud flushing sleep, which is admittedly difficult for many of us to come by.
 
CFC said:
Maybe it helps to know that loads of others are in the same situation? Like, we know certain thoughts likely aren't true. And yet the thoughts continue to plague/ruminate through our brains, sometimes more intensely, sometimes less so. For many of us, it's hard to discredit a thought we're having. It's as if merely having the thought is somehow 'proof' of its credibility. When, of course, it's nothing of the sort.

One of the few things I found that would help when things get really bad with intrusive thoughts is exercise, particularly fairly high intensity stuff. That really helps to reset some parts of the brain. Also good, refreshing, brain-crud flushing sleep, which is admittedly difficult for many of us to come by.
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All very true. It seemed real at the time, so it is remembered as real, no matter how unlikely it was that it actually occurred. I think we get facts and the truth mixed up with memories - in this case we remember the dread and paranoia and what triggered it, and as you say, because we can recall it in our head even when perfectly sober and rested, presume it must have all been real. It isn't. It's just a memory of a paranoid delusion that seemed real at the time.

And I think approaching it as you suggest really is a way to a solution: just keep reminding yourself that it is a memory of a fake thing. You were heavily intoxicated/overamped at the time and not thinking straight in any way.

Something else that helps me is paying attention to the times when I'm sober and making noise in my house and/or not hearing any noise from my neighbours even though I can see they're at home, and I am not concerned or jumpy or suspicious at all. If they aren't hearing me then, or they aren't interested or both, then they're not suddenly going to set up a round the clock surveillance on me when they clairvoyantly know I'm getting high.
 
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I would give the meth a rest for awile and crash out with some zyprexa and a benzo for like a day personally. Fuck psychosis which is what this sounds like
 
paranoid android said:
I would give the meth a rest for awile and crash out with some zyprexa and a benzo for like a day personally. Fuck psychosis which is what this sounds like
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Haven't taken meth for six months (see OP) and only ever take it once or twice a year. My specific problem is lingering psychosis/paranoia long after the event, and I don't take any other drugs at all.
 
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