wirkdy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2021
- Messages
- 526
I wonder if I have reached a point of no return in not being able to adapt again to human life after 2 years of heroin (snorted) and almost 6 months of heavy oxy use (160/240mg daily).
I quit heroin in october 2023 then did oxy from December 2023 until one month ago, quit everything without help, I know that little time passed (1 month since oxy and 7 months since heroin) but I can't stand human life no more, normal daily things like feeding oneself, body needs (with heroin one eats little and has way fewer bathroom needs!), going to sleep and less daily needs like shower, shave, clean home, wash clothes have become almost unbearable for me, especially body needs like eating (I was so fine under heroin or oxy when I just ate very little once a day!), libido is back and that is also very annoying, I can't stand the sun, I can't stand people, I can't stand this fucking world.
I wake up and I feel shit even though the withdrawal caused insomnia is gone and I sleep 8/9 hours per night. I can't stand this physical existence no more, it has become very heavy, I even think: but what if I find a woman to care about and build a family, will that give me motivation? Well, even though I think that maybe someone to care about would motivate me, in the end I answer myself: fuck that shit! That will just require me to work more and add more stress than anything else, even worse if a kid is born.
I can't stand nor appreciate nothing anymore: an exquisite dish prepared by the best chef? fuck it! it was better heroin! I'm thinking about going back to heroin (I don't like oxy that much) but that is also a little frightening but maybe in the end it is preferrable to me.
If I think that I'm "only" 40 and have in front of me approximately other 40 years to live or maybe more because I never did hard working jobs, never smoked and drink rarely and that those next years will be worse than the already bad years which passed, because I'll be older... well that thought only makes me dream of a peacefull overdose.
I wanna hear from you and especially former heroin opioids addicts if this is a phase or a point of no return?
I quit heroin in october 2023 then did oxy from December 2023 until one month ago, quit everything without help, I know that little time passed (1 month since oxy and 7 months since heroin) but I can't stand human life no more, normal daily things like feeding oneself, body needs (with heroin one eats little and has way fewer bathroom needs!), going to sleep and less daily needs like shower, shave, clean home, wash clothes have become almost unbearable for me, especially body needs like eating (I was so fine under heroin or oxy when I just ate very little once a day!), libido is back and that is also very annoying, I can't stand the sun, I can't stand people, I can't stand this fucking world.
I wake up and I feel shit even though the withdrawal caused insomnia is gone and I sleep 8/9 hours per night. I can't stand this physical existence no more, it has become very heavy, I even think: but what if I find a woman to care about and build a family, will that give me motivation? Well, even though I think that maybe someone to care about would motivate me, in the end I answer myself: fuck that shit! That will just require me to work more and add more stress than anything else, even worse if a kid is born.
I can't stand nor appreciate nothing anymore: an exquisite dish prepared by the best chef? fuck it! it was better heroin! I'm thinking about going back to heroin (I don't like oxy that much) but that is also a little frightening but maybe in the end it is preferrable to me.
If I think that I'm "only" 40 and have in front of me approximately other 40 years to live or maybe more because I never did hard working jobs, never smoked and drink rarely and that those next years will be worse than the already bad years which passed, because I'll be older... well that thought only makes me dream of a peacefull overdose.
I wanna hear from you and especially former heroin opioids addicts if this is a phase or a point of no return?