Mental Health Please help!

[Jmr828]

I have tried lots of meds for my bipolar. I have rapid cycles that have caused lots of problems. Hospitalizations, lost my job, car repoed, infadelities I'm short ive been a train wreck... I also have a problem with alchohol. I'm getting the vivitrol shot Monday. I always stop my meds cause of the side effects. I have spent hours upon hours researching meds. I have come up with

Gabby Penton- mood stabilizer
Lamictal - mood stabilizer
Serzone- antidepressant
Vivitrol injection- alchohol dependency

Upon checking the interactions I can't take silenor for sleep because of the serzone. I'm still trying to find a new sleep aide. Also would really like to ask for vyvance. I was prescribed for years and no longer allowed to take so I just have aderall, not prescribed to me. Any thoughts, opinions anything would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Username369]

That really doesn't look like a good mix to me.. Especially with the adderall on top of that.. You say you stopped all previous meds because of side effects, but do you even give yourself a chance to adjust to them? And were you still drinking when you took them? Unfortunately, as much as they suck, side effects are pretty much unavoidable when taking these types of meds.. It's also not clear if your still getting psychiatric help, which you most definitely need in a case like this. I really sympathize with you, but can't in good conscience give any advice on medication

 

[Jmr828]

Thanks for the reply! I got out of rehab in October. I took my meds faithfully for over 3 months. I did not drink because my husband basically had me on house arrest. No money, car, phone I had no way to. I was exhausted on the couch or in bed for days at a time. I felt more depressed than I ever have in my life. I hate that feeling more than anything. I should have done a better job talking to my doctor. Ive been through many. The support and help I get is amazing. I think my drinking or my want to keep drinking made it easier to just stop everything. To keep my husband happy I go to all my appts and say all is good. I have recently told him the truth.
My reasoning for picking the meds that I have ... hopefully this makes sense.
Serazone, actually now called Nefazodone is one of the very few antidepressants that I have found that is weight neutral. It also is said to work very well with minimal side effects. I am a smaller sized woman 5'3" My weight usually 105-110lbs. In February I was 150 lbs. My self esteem was 0.
I have been on gabapenton for a long time. I like it and it works for me. I have read articles about combining gabby and lamictal and it being effective. I would stop the aderall and only take vyvance if she perscribed it to me. If I could find an antidepressant and mood stabilizers without all the side effects I think I can finally get my life under control and I'm so desperate to do that. I can't handle the weight gain, honestly I went almost a week without showering in February my house was a disaster. That is not me at all. I LOVE to clean it's very therapeutic to me. I didn't want to do anything. I felt like a worthless piece of shit. I can't go back to that.

 

[Username369]

Thanks for the reply!...

No problem at all!
First, I'm very glad to hear you're being honest with your husband, as that's one of the most important thing to be able to get on the right track. But it has me wondering if having been stuck at home and not being truthful wasn't a big part of the depression you were suffering at the time. I know I'd be depressed in that situation. Were the medications you were taking working well for keeping balanced otherwise? Perhaps having been able to socialize and do activities/things you enjoy might have made a big difference. If you weren't taking any antidepressants, perhaps one could've helped, or a different one if you were. It does sound like you were heading in the right direction though. Finding a good, compatible therapist is also very important in your situation, as this is usually what helps the most. Having a healthy and steady lifestyle also helps considerably. As far as gaining weight, this seems to be very hard to avoid unfortunately, but can usually be mostly stopped with changes in diet and regular exercise, which will also greatly help with your symptoms. I would also advise being as honest as you can with as many people in your surroundings as possible, since it will reduce a lot of unneeded stress and feelings of guilt and help feel better about yourself.

 

[Jmr828]

We have been together 16 years married 15. Our life has been a series of these viscous cycles. He has very controlling tendencies. I get into his trap where I pretty much obey all of his demands. I end up hating him and myself. Then comes the destructive explosion that consists of heavy drinking, drugs and sex. This will last a few days, weeks or months at time. Then I become depressed to the point of being suicidal. I have had a few attempts. Then the guilt that allows him to steam roll me and puts me back under his (Hitler's) control again.
I have been on wellbutrin, zoloft, prozac,abilify, zyprexa, lithium, honestly alot more can't remember all.
I did not feel balanced at all. I believe at that time I was on prozac, zyprexa, gabby penton, doxepin, naltrexon
I felt no happiness no energy I wasn't me.
I am very active usually. I get the kids out to the park, ocean, bike rides love that stuff. On those meds I didn't want to leave the house. I can't live like that. I hate to admit this. My final straw with these meds. My daughter who is now 7 but was 6 at the time. Got off the bus Friday from school. I was in bed. She came in I wanted to get up but I couldn't do it. She fixed herself a hot pocket and laid in my bed watching sponge Bob till she fell asleep. Saturday same thing bed all day, she colored and played some games candy land with her teddy bear. Had hot pocket for lunch and dinner. Same thing Sunday. She cried and begged me to take her outside. I got outside and all I could do, sit on the porch. She played alone for 30 minutes and I had to go back in. I refuse to live like that. My kids are used to being very active and I am so scared of being like that again. I almost would rather the viscous bipolar cycles than let my kids suffer. I do hope this makes sense.