I went through this same thing for years with my ex. She was really really trying but we were heroin addicts, largely because of her depression and needing to cope. I wish i could say there were answers to these things, I wish i could say I it was a short road or it didnt take years for her to get better. I would have to leave work and take care of her help her clean off her cuts and everything, people say its for attention but i knew it wasnt if it was she wouldnt hide her self mutilation to the degree she did. She contacted me because i know she didnt want to kill herself, at least the rational part of her but her emotions would be so intense i was worried about her acting without thinking.
She tried everything and in the end the SSRIs always made her more crazy, they would work for a week or 2 and then she would be 10x worse then when she was off them. She eventually quit all SSRIs, against her doctors orders in a sense, but that is what actually made her better. Years of medications after traumatic experiences in high school caused her to never deal with the issues or something.
Needless to say she managed to get off the anti depressants, got off dope, and really improved her self view. So much so we broke up and are best friends now (see her about every day actually took her to the club on my birthday for the first time) but if someone said to me 2 years ago "A is going to stop being a depressed girl with suicidal tenancies, grow into such a confident person she will leave you and she will become the woman you always knew was in there" I would have laughed and said, "i know shes in there but i am afraid A will never except she is actually an intelligent, driven and attractive individual."
But she needs help to get through this part and believe me its best left to professions. I would never recommend what i did and i could never have imagined it would end the way it did. The only thing i ever wanted was for her to be happy and finally taking her out to a club like i said i would 6 years ago when we started dating and to see her actually enjoy it, well that was the only thing i ever wanted, with or without me as a boyfriend. I just want you to know it can be a long road and you need to accept that there are somethings you cant help with or dont want on your mind. I know if i lost her i would never have forgiven myself. My vote is for professional help with you there for support.
