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Please help me move on...

T

TechieSam

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 17, 2013
Messages
3
Hello all,

Thought I'd try talking to strangers as it feels as if I have tried everything else to get over my ex.

We were engaged, we have a 22 month old baby girl together, 2 and a half months ago she left me saying I needed to improve myself when all the while she had already met someone else and just couldn't wait to start fucking him.

While we were together I had been given the heads up that she was obsessed with her ex's so when she went out on the town one time, I checked her phone. Hey presto there was a message to her ex, this happened several times totally destroying any trust I had in her and making me feel like I was never good enough as she was always looking for something else.

Is it normal that once I knew about this I didn't show her as much affection and naturally started to distance myself from her emotionally? Is it normal that I put pressure on her when she went out drinking (purely because I was so scared she would leave me for someone she met).

She did it, she confirmed my worst fear and even though I think she is a slut and all that, I can't stop thinking about her and wanting her back. It is literally killing me. Its worse because I have to see her when I go to see my daughter.

She is still with the guy she left me for and I have begged her to take me back so many times. When I know they are together I am a total mess (like right now).

I feel worthless, ugly, lonely and betrayed. All I want to do is find someone new or get back with her because I could never stand being alone, all I do is beat myself up.

Hope someone can wave a mental magic wand and help me through this.

Sam
 
Hi OP sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with a broken heart. It is very hard I know specially if you have loved her so much but there is absolutely nothing more you can do but to accept the fact that she has moved on. It is hard but you have got to move on.

You have a 22 month old baby girl so focus on taking care of her and also focus on yourself. Love cannot be rushed and I am sure that a time will come when you will meet someone who is meant for you.<3
 
How would you respond to a friend whose partner did this to them? Would you tell them they were worthless and ugly? Be at least as good a friend to yourself as you would be to other people. There are plenty of people in this world who will be cruel or indifferent to you, leave that to them, you of all people should back yourself. Don't beat yourself up. I think it's important to learn not to rely on other people for emotional wellbeing, it doesn't make for a healthy relationship. Take some time, as awful as this feels now you will get better, and in time you will come to realise just how much better off you are without her.
 
Thanks guys, its great to have this kind of support.

I know that in time I will find someone else and all of this will seem a distant memory but I just cant wait for it to happen already, I feel so jealous of my ex and this new guy and it makes me feel so lonely. I don't even know if its her that I miss or if I just want her because I cant have her.

I think until now I have been trying not to rely on other people for happiness but where you describe it as emotional well-being it doesn't seem so much of a feat. Maybe because emotional well-being doesn't necessarily mean happiness, just the feeling of content within yourself.

Really need to stop looking and coming across as so desperate.
 
Don't try to suppress your emotions. Embrace them and feel them strongly, because that is the only way you can fully internalize them which allows them to pass.

I know it is a little cliche, but time really does heal everything. :)
 
I wish it was so easy and I wish someone could just wave that magic wand for you but, unfortunately, that isn't possible. You aren't going to have everything solved in an instant.

Breakups are hard. They always will be. There are very few people who can just get over a breakup in an instant. Cry. Just let yourself cry. BUT you've also got to work on moving on. So, keep yourself busy. Keep yourself distracted. How? Work, school, friends, family, volunteering, activities, etc. It also seems like you have a lot of self confidence issues. I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. I'm sure you're a great guy. You won't be alone forever, you will find someone else. It may take time. It likely will. But you'll probably find someone when you least expect it. Just keep yourself busy with friends, etc. and who knows what could happen <3
 
I think you said what you need to do, get comfortable being on your own for awhile. And you have a beautiful daughter to help you.
 
your problem is that you have to see her every time you want to see your daughter.

its harsh but you need to realise that she has displayed a lack of respect for you- for me that makes me really dislike someone. you need a way to improve your self esteem and also to keep the child handover interaction to a minimum.

normally when i get over someone i cut them out of my life for a while but you dont have that luxury you need to find a way to stop being triggered every time you meet her.
 
Junction said:
I know it is a little cliche, but time really does heal everything. :)
Click to expand...

This 1000X. It really does get easier as time passes.

A bit over a year ago, I went through a similiar thing, minus having a child involved. And yeah it sucked and my self-confidence went to absolute shit for a long time. Now keep in mind that I am prone to dwell on things maybe a bit more than the average person. I went through the whole spectrum of wanting her back, to depression, to anger and hatred towards her.

Eventually, it stopped having much impact on me. Nothing had really changed, I just didn't care as much. That is not to say that I don't still think about her quite a bit but when I do it is pretty devoid emotion (I think about her in the same way I would think about most everyday things) and I honestly realise that I am way better off without her and deserved so much better than a dishonest cheater. With time, you'll feel the same way.

One the good things about all of this was that I got comfortable with the idea of being alone. I feel that is a big thing and it is something that not everybody achieves.

My advice for you is 1) keep contact with her to ONLY when you need to see your daughter, 2) keep busy and distract yourself, 3) do some things to help you feel better about yourself - join a gym, buy some new clothes, exercise, hang out with your friends more.

There are a lot of pluses to not being in a relationship and you'll see these once you start to get over her more. You'll have more time to do what YOU want without having to compromise, and you don't have to put up with anyone elses shit day in day out.

Good luck bud
 
Fuck, SLR is getting redundant.

I'm going to start shortening my responses to threads like this.

OP,

Go fuck other girls. A lot of them. appreciation for new affection is equal to the amount of emotional severance from old affection. Fucking MATH, bro.

You currently have low self esteem. You can do things that make yourself more attractive, and that will automatically raise your opinion of yourself because you will BE better than before. Work out, dress nicer, go out more often, develop a better/healthier social circle. All of the sudden, you're more appealing, and you're getting appreciated for it, and you're self worth will compound.

Boom.
 
neversickanymore said:
The best way to get over someone is to get it on with someone else.
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I agree with this.
Just approach it with some caution.
If you're just looking for a re-bound, make it clear to her that you aren't looking for anything serious.
 
neversickanymore said:
The best way to get over someone is to get it on with someone else.
Click to expand...

Not sure if this is necessarily true.

After my first girlfriend, sleeping with someone else on the regular definately helped.

However, after my last relationship, it just made things worse. I'd feel like crying afterwards, hated sleeping with someone else and it would just make me think of her more. On more than one occassion, I ended up having to ask the girl to leave mid way through sex (felt like a real dick about that - but it just goes to show how much being dumped messed with my head).

It took me about 3 months before I could enjoy sleeping with someone else.

i guess all the OP can do is give it a shot and see how it makes him feel.
 
Im not saying it will work like a charm right away, or be easy to do, but oxytocin is released during orgasm and sex and is suspected to be the bonding and love chemical. So I think its real beneficial to promote this chemical with someone new or someone else. I would also try not to mastebate while thinking of the pesron that one is trying to get over as this may prolong the misery.
 
Sam! I'm sure you are actually a really smart, sexy and funny guy who just lost his confidence because of a dysfunctional relationship. You got to get back in the game breh! Haha seriously every time a dude has dumped me or we broke up or whatever, I have reacted similar to you. But I basically just had to put myself back out there. I get that you might not be ready for a sexual relationship but even just flirting helps. Try just going to a bar and talking to some flirty, drunk chicks. Sam you are probably not ugly and honestly you need to keep your spirits up for your child so go out and do your thing. You're hot!
 
That's funny NSA, I've always said it as to get over someone, get under someone else. lol

It's natural to be shattered after a breakup, but truly, after time it does get better. I was obsessed with one of my exe's but he's so vile now that it's not a problem any more, I just hate him.

Try not to become bitter because of this experience, there are better people out there for you! With the kid, it's really hard to give you advice on this, that's far out of my experience!
 
Sam

You need to remember how awesome you are, man. There's plenty of females out there - you can't get caught up on any one person when it comes to loving someone. There's always more love out there, and I'm sure you'll find a much better female in due time.

neversickanymore said:
The best way to get over someone is to get it on with someone else.
Click to expand...

^ doesn't always work
 
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