plato's chasing me...help!

[mealltach]

i just wrote this poem on the spot. i can't begin to describe how much i FEEL right now. just feel. just...i don't know. please give me feedback, criticism is very welcome!
***
i'm in purgatory.
as i drift from one extreme to the other,
i realise i am ruled by base desires.
i have waged this battle for too
many years. intellectual gnomes waved frantically
to get my attention,
but i was not watching. my eyes were
elsewhere.
the music throbs gently within me,
my body moves with the gentle whispers
of the piano.
i embrace my vehicle: my passions.
the torture reverberates within me, and yet, i am not afraid.
because i am
stronger
because i know
beauty
because i can feel, and
because i can think.
i am alive, and you who reads this,
you are also alive.
the fact that,while you read this, you can feel my life
(you can even taste it if you try), has rendered me awestruck.
and that you can breathe, as can i, perhaps even in the same rhythm,
is too much for my small mind to fathom.
perhaps one day time will fold in on itself
and you will tell me it is going
to be alright...
perhaps i love you.
it will be intellect guided by passions.
it will be desires satisfied.
it will be all, and it will be ideal.
------------------
look closer.
[This message has been edited by mealltach (edited 13 January 2001).]

 

[mealltach]

I know I haven't been on this site for a very long time, so I am lacking that certain *something* which those who have been around for a long time possess.
Still, I would like a little feedback. If you think this poem is lacking something, let me know! If it makes no sense to you, and/or you simply hate it, let me know!
And so, I am shamelessly bumping my own post in hopes that someone will comment! I'm not desperate, just looking for a little feedback because I respect the opinions of all you BLers.
Sorry for the ramble...but I don't know how much it matters, because no one will probably read it regardless.
Slainte....

 

[cherub]

I am sorry you did not feel your work was not read yet.
Let me let you on alittle something. Most times people read and don't respond,, unfortunately it is that way.
It is not how long you been on the board or the type of the work you write. You do write well and you are not lacking in anything. Responses will come just give it time.
Alot of times i come here to check things out,, and lately the last couple weeks i feel i have not been able to respond to all the post I like. But keep up the Good work do it for you and for no one else

Regards to the poem I like the way it was written and has alot of deep meaning to it
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"Wings are not what they are cracked up to be. Sometimes they get broken. When you crash then what?"

 

[mealltach]

Thanks very much for your comments Cherub!
I don't expect a whole bunch of responses or anything. And I understand that most people read and do not respond. I myself do that quite a bit. However, it seems as though the poems that do generate the most response are those made by people who are *known* on the board. I am not complaining about this, because I understand why this is.
In fact, I am just taking my personal frustrations out on the board because I'm depressed and sicker than sick. Sorry everyone, my apologies!!!!!
~mmmuuuaaahhh~
Oops! That will probably render you all bedridden and sick like me! Sorry!

P.S. Cherub...I forgot. What you said about writing for myself? Well, I think I do that a little too much. I have been accused of writing ambiguous poetry which only I can understand. It's important to me that my poetry effects someone in some sort of way! Whether they hate it, or love it; it matters not. As long as they aren't indifferent...that is what kills me. Hence the post.
Holy long winded! Sorry, AGAIN!

------------------
look closer.
[This message has been edited by mealltach (edited 14 January 2001).]