Phase two

People think its all fun and games.....But I see it as my prison....It is no longer any fun....It has now become work....trying to keep going this spirit-crushing addiction.....has kept me hog-tied and gagged.....I have completely lost any sense of freedom.....it.is no longer fun....and it is not a game anymore.....it is work, work, work...trying to become normal again.

 

I know how you feel... I've been in that prison too, and I suppose I still am at times. It sucks being a slave to an addiction, especially when you no longer even enjoy it. The drug quickly goes from being a fun pastime to a daily routine.

 

yeah....thanx for the comment....I'm tryimg to cut out/withdraw from my benzo addiction right now....really sucks...sometimes I think it's worse than heroin.....for some reason Ive just become totally and hopelessly depressed....and I want to get the hell out of here...I live in Greece but I'm canadian....I keep thinking I wanna go back to canada...Vancouver Island...beautiful place....family obligations and a marrige,(to my complete opposite) are preventing me...lol....anyhoo...later

 

I know what you must be going through - I have a 6 year clonazepam addiction myself, and I also think the withdrawals are worse than heroin. I've tried stopping cold turkey a few times (which was a stupid thing to do), and I went into major convulsions that nearly killed me. Tapering off benzos is a hard and slow process, but I think it's the only option if you're dependant on them. If you can, try going into a medical detox program - or least be monitored by your doctor. Good luck!

 

exactly the advice i wud hav given, Sweet P hun

ive bn both a heroin addict and a clonazepam addict

which wds were worse (physically?).....easily the benzos
i switched to diazepam (2mg clonaz - 40mg diaz) and started dropping off a few months later - im now down to 24mg

HOWEVER even tho i drop only 1mg of diaz evry 3.5weeks, the wds r brutal (i hav epilepsy so i guess that makes it worse...also im on methadone and i cant stabilise properly till im off the diaz completely cos i was using opioids while i was on the full 40mg)
the wds i get evry time i drop 1mg r:
-seizures for the first 5 days (unless i smoke pot each night wen i take the pills....which i do - pots great for benzo wds btw!)
-insomnia
-anxiety/jitteriness
-irritability
-headaches/muscle aches
-nausea/retching
-spasms/twitching
-flu-like symptoms

if u ever want to talk to anyone else about benzo addiction (although im not addicted psychologically - i was scripted clonazepam for epilepsy and the doc forgot to mention that id get physically dependent ) u can PM me....i know it fucking sucks

and yes, it IS a prison - having to rely on any drug makes u a prisoner, but esp one that u hav to go to doctors for and endless having to hold the pills on u so u can take ur dose at the right time, 4 times a day (well if ur on a taper schedule like me)

good luck
fuck mate, all of us hav the capability to do it
its just not easy!

heres some words for u to inspire u (im an avid IRON MAIDEN fan)....my gf just said she knew I'd do this hahah

(From 'The Prisoner' out of NUMBER OF THE BEAST)
Run
Fight
For me
It's gonna be tough
Now you see me
Now you don't
Break the walls
I'm coming out!

Not a prisoner
I'm a free man
And my blood is my own now
Don't care
The way my past was
I know where I'm going

I'm not a number
I'm a free man
Live my life the way I want to
You'd better scratch me
From your black book
'Cos I'll run rings around you!

i know ILL b singing those words wen i finally get off those shitty little pills
and u can do so oneday too!

 

Thanks for the "cliches" haha...
It is kinda nice to see that this place is full of people like us... Makes the inevitable lonely not quite so bad when you read people's stories...
Sucks that you're so far from home...maybe a career change can bring you back? Ha, yea..take life advice from a 22 year old junkie...lol...so...
I don't know you so I can't really say anything...but keep your head up... Its just like getting over a bad break up...eventually, you move on...
*peace and love*