• Trip Reports Moderator: M!$ter-ED

Pharmahuasca: The End of Time, Parties with Aliens, and Endless Torture

Wow, wtf am I talking about. (My post above thanking you and how I plan to do pharmahuasca soon)? Almost 3 years ago I had an essentially identical experience like this on LSD (easily 1mg+), I knew I was going to hurt myself or someone else, so I was taking to the ER before I completely lost it for those few hours. I didn't trip for 2 solid years after that and was medicating heavily on methadone and tranquilizers. I even quit smoking weed. Then I started having the flashback experiences like you meantioned having in your dreams...long after. There IS not escape. "You will get yourself"..."It will get you." The only means of survival is the pure state of EGO-FILLED surrender and then constantly moving on..as you did in your trip. Maybe 6 months ago I started smoking DMT (first times ever), as well as got back into lite doses of L. It took a while, but good god, "breaking on through to the other side", yes..everything you meantioned. Your whole trip (god all that at once) is what I have (LUCKILY(?) more slowly than you experienced over these past few years. Even the visuals of the entities with the text on their bodies and shit...I saw all that same shit and I never heard or read anything about people explaining visuals like that until now. All I can say is that it's pretty fucking comforting to my own sanity and quest to end suffering the way that "it" "is" "done", is that it's great to know other people are alive and out there that have been through the exact same thing..and for all I know everyone and thing that has ever existed when yesterday is tomorro.

About the singularity point.. I started getting that in dreams all the time about a year ago. I've come to believe it's a mental self-imposed test on the psyche to see if you're ready to move on. It's like when people fall off a cliff in a dream and wake up before hitting the ground...no...HIT THE GROUND...smash into infinity. Let the sun brew up all the love at once and suck it into a black hole.

I honestly can't tell if you've done this (re-reading what you wrote), but you essentially went through every single concept of Zen Budhism accept for the last one. You kept holding on. Why is this do you think? Perhaps I may indulge the effort. Because you weren't ready to truely die yet. As in literally physically kill yourself and move on. Because that's not your path, and it's definately not my path. I've not only contemplated suicide but have tried it. Not long after these events I would get these very lucid dreams of the erternal realm of suffering you meantioned..of hell. I was there because I killed myself..I ended my life..this trip without being fully ready to move on.

You meantion that this trip you had was "the full movie" and all others before it were snippets, appetizers what have you. I fully agree. But I disagree with the concept that this trip you had was the ultimate one you've been waiting for. The final trip is the final trip...it's the one you don't come back from. 8):|

Good fucking God. I can't believe I was about to parachute down all my DMT. I would of probably killed myself. I imagine this TR being one for the books. At the top of the TR shrine what have you. Well in 2nd place..the top one being the one that no one can and will not ever read.

We are such selfish fucking hogs..dimb witted apes. Our bodies and minds are such gluttonous narcisstic freaks. The goal of life is to (correctly and "naturallly" end suffering).

I bet I'm going to have a very intense dream tonight. I can already feel it. I can "feel" it pushing through all the time. Sometimes I walk down the street, feel it start to push and imagine the people I'm strolling with down the block aren't even there. That they're just memories. That all of it is. That this existance is one "super long" last quest for the holy grail. I don't think it's possible to get to this level of existance without succeeding with all the previous ones...hyperspace, here we are. Imagining our death beds. Talking about the old times.
 
Sorry Mods, I the edit function rarely works for me, seriously I need a new pc. Anyways, aside from noting my shitty grammar, back to thought....

Those dreams I would have about suicide was like I was being eternally punished for my sins...ultimately showing me that suicide is no way out; that it just fucks things up for even longer. I certainly don't plan on proving if eternal suffering is possible, because after having a taste, you'd have to be one sick fuck from the bottom wretches of the well to somehow be content with that...plus it's not possible. The people that wrote the bible were geniouses. I'm not your normal reader, but recalling memories of being raised Catholic..it's the same as Buddhism, as Hinduism, as the Aryans forever mysterious psychdelic compound that they called "soma" (not the shrooms). Humans have been toying with the idea of eternal suffering forever..because we've been tripping forever, and then we wrote bibles, made cave paintings and some wrote TRs on Bluelight.

I'd just like to thank you once more. Reading your TR was truely refreshing and transformative. It's like you neatly organized what I've had congealed on the side of the pan ever since I have contemplated death and eternity at the age of 3. I'm still 3...but I'm no unwilling to surrender. Then again, not to be redundant, I don't think it's possible to live..to reach this realm of existance (to be a human being), and not eventually "get there". We all get there, although the degrees of suffering are vastly influx and out of cue. It's not supposed to be bliss, nor anything. Those are preconcieved notions. That's still holding on. If I walked out outside right now and someone shot me, I'd go "oh shit!..no! not now!!! Wait what's this? Ok I agree. I give in... So long." This happens to everyone imo..It's obviously preferable to take the right measures so it happens on your prepaired deathbaed with family...or maybe just go hang yourself like I meantioned someone just shoots you, and for no reason. I remember reading back in highschool that the Jews and the Buddhists both believe that we all literally get there in the end. All paths lead to one.
 
DexterMeth, thank you so much for taking the time to read it. It certainly means a lot that you have resonated so strongly with this trip report, I put a good bit of effort into it, heart and soul and such... I'll respond more in detail to some of your comments once I get some sleep.
 
You had really profound experience, thank you for sharing it with us.
After reading this I realised how ignorant I was when I was prepring ayahuasca I got for 18th birthsday. Maybe thankfully, it didn't work.

Some technical aspects:
were you sick (vomitnig) after the ingestion? I drank my brew (two glasses) and after few minutes everything was on the ground.
Have you heard of someone who was trying to hurt himslelf during the experience?
If you had some a/anxiety pill, would you take it during the dismaying part of the trip?
And finally can say you're glad that you went throughout such thing?
 
mindtools said:
You had really profound experience, thank you for sharing it with us.
After reading this I realised how ignorant I was when I was prepring ayahuasca I got for 18th birthsday. Maybe thankfully, it didn't work.

Some technical aspects:
were you sick (vomitnig) after the ingestion? I drank my brew (two glasses) and after few minutes everything was on the ground.
Have you heard of someone who was trying to hurt himslelf during the experience?
If you had some a/anxiety pill, would you take it during the dismaying part of the trip?
And finally can say you're glad that you went throughout such thing?
Click to expand...


1. If you only hold it in a few minutes you definitely won't absorb what you need. I experienced relatively low levels of nausea due, I think, to the nature of what I consumed, extracted DMT not traditional brew. Though I did purge at a few points in the experience it was long after the affects had started.

2. No I haven't heard of anyone "trying" to hurt themselves, but one can, as you read in my report, end up in compromised positions where potential harm could occur.

3. There was no way in hell I was anywhere near lucid enough to comprehend what an anxiety pill was, I couldn't operate in linear time really, my physical state was such a small part of the experience that there is no way i could of ingested an anxiety pill without it being forced down my throat by someone else. I really wouldn't recommend it, I couldn't imagine any anxiety pill actually helping such an intense trip in any really meaningful way.

4. Am I glad? I am still processing the experience, I may have an answer for you in a few years. At the moment I am without regrets, though "glad" may not be the right word. I learned a lot through the experience and it has been a challenge to cope with in many ways.
 
great report! one of the best ive read. thanks for sharing. i hope i get to have such a moving experience sometime. for all its good and bad it still seems like something I need to experience at least once.
 
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