Asparagus_Prince
Bluelighter
This post is long but at least read this first paragraph before skipping. I want to talk about people that struggle showing appreciation. Not the feeling of being unappreciated, so much. If you're someone that feels like you're not good at showing appreciation, PLEASE chime in and spitball your thoughts at me. But first, I wanted to share what prompted me to start this thread....
I saw a meme recently that was something like this: "If people don't appreciate your efforts then stop trying to please them"
My reflex response to this meme was: "Of course. I agree 100% and I'm sure almost everyone agrees with this". But then I thought more about it and decided I didn't like the meme. And the reason is because it reminded me of various people I've known that I know appreciate certain favors/help/gifts. But I also know they struggle to show it for one reason or another.
I come from a family that is exactly the opposite. We make too big of a deal over gifts, favors, etc.
But then there are people like my ex, for example. I know she's been accused of not saying "thank you" and showing appreciation. But this is the same person that would obsess about "proper protocol" or "saying the wrong thing". I remember once we were at a funeral and she was a nervous wreck. She asked me what she was supposed to do. "Nothing!" I told her we're not expected to do anything and to simply mill around. She also "didn't know" what to do or say if you were to give her a surprise gift, for example.
So I don't like the meme. Of course we don't want to continuously bend-over-backwards for people that are taking advantage of us. But being taken advantage of and not showing appreciation are two separate conversations. I'd prefer the meme be more like:
<<<If someone doesn't appreciate your efforts consider this: They may in fact appreciate it deeply, but they simply struggle with showing it. Perhaps they feel like they've relied on others too much and they're ashamed. Maybe they feel like they don't deserve it. And maybe, just maybe, they're so used to people treating them badly that they don't trust it. Maybe previous partners have tried to 'buy' affection to hold it over his/her head and guilt-trip. It doesn't mean she/he thinks you'll do the same thing. But maybe it tiggers semi-traumatic emotions or memories>>>
That's too long for a meme, isn't it? lol
Besides, I'm guessing most of you would agree that we shouldn't give only so we can receive something in return. Which includes someone else's outward appreciation. I'm not religious but I'd like to think the "Christ-like" approach would be to continue giving and treating others well. Full stop. I can't imagine the Jesus that I was taught about as a little boy being like: "Hey! I healed his blindness! And the cocksucker didn't show enough appreciation!"
Anyway, like I said in the opening... please respond however you want. I'd be curious to hear other people's theories/stories on why certain people they know don't seem to show appreciation. And for the ones that struggle showing it, I especially would like to hear from you!
I saw a meme recently that was something like this: "If people don't appreciate your efforts then stop trying to please them"
My reflex response to this meme was: "Of course. I agree 100% and I'm sure almost everyone agrees with this". But then I thought more about it and decided I didn't like the meme. And the reason is because it reminded me of various people I've known that I know appreciate certain favors/help/gifts. But I also know they struggle to show it for one reason or another.
I come from a family that is exactly the opposite. We make too big of a deal over gifts, favors, etc.
But then there are people like my ex, for example. I know she's been accused of not saying "thank you" and showing appreciation. But this is the same person that would obsess about "proper protocol" or "saying the wrong thing". I remember once we were at a funeral and she was a nervous wreck. She asked me what she was supposed to do. "Nothing!" I told her we're not expected to do anything and to simply mill around. She also "didn't know" what to do or say if you were to give her a surprise gift, for example.
So I don't like the meme. Of course we don't want to continuously bend-over-backwards for people that are taking advantage of us. But being taken advantage of and not showing appreciation are two separate conversations. I'd prefer the meme be more like:
<<<If someone doesn't appreciate your efforts consider this: They may in fact appreciate it deeply, but they simply struggle with showing it. Perhaps they feel like they've relied on others too much and they're ashamed. Maybe they feel like they don't deserve it. And maybe, just maybe, they're so used to people treating them badly that they don't trust it. Maybe previous partners have tried to 'buy' affection to hold it over his/her head and guilt-trip. It doesn't mean she/he thinks you'll do the same thing. But maybe it tiggers semi-traumatic emotions or memories>>>
That's too long for a meme, isn't it? lol
Besides, I'm guessing most of you would agree that we shouldn't give only so we can receive something in return. Which includes someone else's outward appreciation. I'm not religious but I'd like to think the "Christ-like" approach would be to continue giving and treating others well. Full stop. I can't imagine the Jesus that I was taught about as a little boy being like: "Hey! I healed his blindness! And the cocksucker didn't show enough appreciation!"
Anyway, like I said in the opening... please respond however you want. I'd be curious to hear other people's theories/stories on why certain people they know don't seem to show appreciation. And for the ones that struggle showing it, I especially would like to hear from you!
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