People keep letting me down.

So I was supposed to go visit my mom's grave today. I got emotionally ready and steeled myself to go and see the grave for the first time. My mom's "friend" was supposed to drive me up there and visit the grave with me. But, of course, she cancelled on me. As usual. I wouldn't expect anything less from her. I'm so sick of being let down by people who are supposed to be there for me. And I don't have many people to begin with. She offered to take me to the grave -- I didn't ask her to do it. She asked me when was convenient for me so I told her, Monday the 2nd. Monday, today, comes... Then she goes, "Sorry, I can't go today, I will let you know when..." Blah, blah, blah. Bullshit. Just don't fucking offer to do something for me that you have no intention of doing. I'm sick of being so nice and letting people disappoint me over and over and giving her more chances... I just have to start being a cunt like everyone else. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I won't be fooled again. I told her I'm just going to find someone else to drive me or else I will take 2 trains, a ferry and 2 buses to get to the cemetery. I don't care. I will learn how to drive so I don't have to depend on other people. Fuck them. I don't need them to do anything for me. I bet she feels so great about herself, that she offered to do such a good deed... what a bitch! I am so sick of her. She's a fucking 57 year old woman... I'm 25... she should just fucking fall in a hole. Maybe her next DUI will be fatal. One can only hope... I know I'm saying really mean things... I'm just so fucking angry right now... Sigh. Never again.

 

You're 25 imagine being 57. You're too young to have hate in your heart. Everyone wants compassion and empathy but it rarely comes. Live a life where you want nothing in return, I'm 31 and already live by this. But life always has a way of giving you a gift in the end.

 

Damn, I'm sorry, that really sucks. It's unbelievable that she would make a promise like that and cancel.

I hope your doing well though

 

@puke -- I try not to hold grudges or hate inside of me... I guess it manifests itself as self-destruction and instead of just releasing the anger I have, it turns into hate... I want to be a truly selfless person... I try to be altruistic and give of myself without expecting anything in return (isn't that the only way to never be disappointed??) but I feel as though there are no true selfless acts... no such thing as altruism...

@Zneg -- Yep, but that's her. I had to get out of my house and bring my dogs to the dog park... maybe dogs are the only altruistic beings... even then, though, they want food and water and love and attention...

I'm doing alright. These fent pops + weed are making things nice and cozy...