People don't get it.

I hate this shit. I hate trying to describe addiction to someone who should know better but somehow doesn't grasp what I'm saying. It's ridiculous that I cannot remember the last time I went 24 hours without using SOMEthing. Legal, or otherwise. Arguing with myself about going to meetings, quitting, pretending I'm fine or just weak-minded, trying to come up with excuse after excuse to use or not use. This is so so so so hard. Shut up with your "choices", shut up with your "will power", get the fuck out of here with your "it's all in your head". You. Don't. Know.

And this is how I have to live the rest of my life.

 

People who haven't been there can't really understand, and that is frustrating. They assume that they know, based on their own experience, research, or what have you. But they can't.

What it sounds like you're frustrated with though are people who have gone through it and made it out the other side, but aren't necessarily being supportive. The thing to remember there is that what works for one person will not work for everyone. That's why there are so many treatment options. I disagree with some of the basic aspects of 12 step programs, for example, but for some people they work very well.

Zealots in general, whether they're for religion, a particular treatment methodology, computer operating system or brand of fabric softener are all equally nuts, IMO. Everyone has their own path to travel in life, and just because something worked wonders for me doesn't mean that it will work wonders for anyone else.

 

LOL Your comment made me smile. My brother was a hard core, what I'd call, addict, but he quit cold turkey and never looked back. He doesn't believe in the addiction or disease model. And I feel like he doesn't get that just "stopping" for me is virtually impossible. You get it, thanks for posting.

 

People like him are a rarity. Most people need help with getting past addiction, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Someone like him wouldn't understand where you're coming from, as he either wasn't as severely addicted, is unusually good at behaviour modification (what most would call 'strong willed', which is a term that I don't agree with, but that's a whole other post and a half) or what have you.

Oh, and the rest of your life is a long time. You shouldn't doom yourself to anything other than breathing, sleeping, eating, drinking (water) and pooping (etc...) for such a duration! Everything else changes on timescales like that.

Your comment made me smile, so thank you for posting.

 

This is what I'm dealing with - my brother who stopped drinking, getting almost insulted when I don't drink ( ??? ) and my mom who is trying to be supportive in my recovery telling me that I should drink "one glass of wine" over the course of an evening at a wedding last week to show I have self control. But anyway, at least I made you smile

 

You're right; they don't get it. But they do, in their own weird way, mean well.