This page is filled up with love!
i feel lucky to not have to deal with constant anxiety. Just occasional bouts of it
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Ganja and benzos always do the trick to calm me down.
Earlier this month when i started my break from weed i had bouts of anxiety that i treated by abusing benzos a bit.
The anxiety has since subsided, i dont use bebzos daily anymore, and my break from weed only had 11 days left in it WAHOOOO
usually i use pot to help with regular day to day anxiety (the anxiety usually arising from not having smoked any pot, catch-22)
Man, weed has never reduced my anxiety. I used to be a serious pothead, all day every day, and I loved it, but not because it made me less anxious. Bya nature I'm not an anxious person though. Nowadays, it usually makes me feel MORE anxious, so I haven't been smoking much. My wife smokes a lot more than me now (and I got her into it many years ago), because it helps her to feel less anxious (she IS an anxious person by nature, though much better now).
Today she smoked 4 times so far, and I've not had any hits during any of those times. I like how I dream more when I don't smoke, and I just generally feel more together. Plus, then when I do smoke it's more special and psychedelic.
I use certain psychedelics to reduce anxiety when I feel anxious. Opiates work although I try not to use them much. Kratom used to do wonders but now it hardly works at all and sometimes makes me MORE anxious since I've had such addiction problems with it... it makes me feel bad when I give in and use it. I've ben using it sparingly, and it seems like every time I do, even a single time, I get withdrawals afterwards, so it's really just not worth it.
Anyway...
So my family is coming next Wednesday - I can't wait! My little brother and my parents are coming, and my sister can't, unfortunately. Some of you may remember some drama I vented about last week, about my brother trying to bring his girlfriend who I hardly know to stay at my house with him for 5 days. Well, I talked to him on the phone, and ended up having a 2 hour discussion with him about his life. Turns out my mom, despite knowing that I didn't want his girlfriend to come, told him he could bring her, because she's afraid of confrontation so never tells him no. So he was under the impression that she has talked to me and that I had said she could come. When I explained it he felt bad and decided not to bring her, so that drama is no more. He's in his first year of college, 3 hours away from where my parents live. His girlfriend is a senior in high school. So they're now in a long-distance relationship, and after she graduates she's spending at least 2 years in the same town in community college living with her parents. My little brother apparently has been questioning everything in his life... I think all of his confusion at the root stems from this relationship of his. But it's freaking him out so much that he's thinking of talking to a psychiatrist at school. My parents aren't good at talking about that kind of stuff because they always just say what they think he wants to hear and whatever will cause the least conflict. So I'm really glad he's coming here alone so I can have real conversations with him. I think I can get him sorted out - once he breaks up with his girlfriend he can get both feet into college, instead of leaving one foot back in high school. I think he'll feel much better.
And they were starting to have problems... apparently when he first went off, his girlfriend was being super clingy and crying on the phone every day, and texting him 10 times a day, so he started acting the same way to make her feel better. Then as time went on, she started to act weird and started telling him that HE was being too clingy. And now there's some weirdness between them. SO I have a feeling things are coming to a close. I think it will be the best for both of them if they break it off as soon as possible. He needs to be able to be 100% open to new experiences at college, not shut himself off in order to defend his doomed relationship with a high school girl who's not planning on leaving her hometown and getting out into the world.
SO... how's everyone's day? Mine's pretty good. And tomorrow I'll be taking some phenibut and a low dose of DOM. And I'll be making some sweet, sweet love.
which i have had small experiences with before, but nothing like this. there was a lot of crying and a lot of laughter. it was like meeting up with everyone i've ever encountered in my life, not only have known, but all strangers i've laid eyes upon. i could 'communicate' even with the microorganisms in the snot dripping out of my dose. i learned so much. i could not stop muttering phrases like "i get it now" and "this was so obvious, right in front of me my whole life." i'd even go so far to say i experienced enlightenment, in every sense of how i interpret the word.