☮ Social ☮ [PD Social Tripping Thread] NEW! Gather here for swirly talk

[Vediog]

Xorkoth I did something similar to myself with miprocin. I was weighing out some powder and accidentally spilled some over my pants and the floor. I recovered as much as possible, roughly 55mg, put it inns capsule and ate it. I also had 10mg 5-meo-mipt in a capsule and ate that as well. I may have had some 3-meo-pcp but I don't think so.

Whoah. Most visual trip ever and that even beats oral DMT. My mind also felt broken. It was as if my normally very compartmentalized memories, fantasies, emotions, thoughts, etc all began melting merging into one big soup of insanity. Some of the things I was "dreaming" are still quite clear in my memory, and apparently show that I have some strange ideas about early childhood that I am hoping are fabrications of my adult mind and not memories.

The audio distortion made music intolerable, so after a while I got tired of not understanding anything going on in my head and put on "The Inexplicable Universe" with Neil DeGrasse Tyson on Netflix so that someone could explain to me how things work. Mind blowing stuff. After a few hours I came down enough to enjoy comedies and the spent the rest of the comedown laughing my ads off.

Miprocin is easy to underestimate because it's so friendly until you cross that 50mg mark. I mean it didn't feel sinister above 50 either but it just did not give a shit about me and just destroyed my brain for a while. Even so I was still aware of my environment, able to get water when needed, change music etc. It was definitely an interesting experience and I may even attempt to repeat it one day.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah sounds really similar to my experience. It didn't feel sinister, I felt no terror, just a worry and at times certainty that I had broken my brain.

i think part of it is that i'm just not built for living in the north. michigan winters are brutal (i know you have experience with midwest winters, xorky). summers are usually better for me, but not always. but i've always got such a pile of BS in my life (physical, metal, obligational, etc.) by the time spring rolls around that it takes me at least half the summer to get my life put back together.

Yeah I have a way harder time in the north too. It's much better where I live now. We still have winter, but it's like 2 months shorter and the sun stays higher in the sky even at the depths of winter. But yeah I would get pretty depressed in the winter up north (not as a kid but ever since becoming an adult). The long, cold, dark months make everything feel worse and it takes time to

 

[Just A Guy]

^^^ Since moving up to Iowa from Florida, I've been dealing with seasonal affective disorder -- but I treat it by immersing myself with firelight, gingerbread cookies and white russians; soak up UV in tanning booths; and do push ups and situps outside in the rain on cold and gray days. Summertime is sweat and organic revelry, wintertime is savory yet punishing, tuning my chakras to precise foci. States of mind and matter, and if I don't mind, it doesn't matter. lol Sounds too easy, right? But that's why we supplement our lifestyles with chemical substances...

 

[perpetualdawn]

Yah depression...

Probably really startedabout 13-14. Wondering why the way I thought / feel seemed so different from everyone else. Watching everyone get ready for college. Hearing about all the things I was supposed to do, grow up, get a job, be responsible. While I observe everyone who says I must do these things and they are so fucking misreble, its like, why would I work so hard just to be misreable too?

Just never really got past that. Its like, I am cool with myself, I just cant find a place to fit in society. I feel like I am watching the world collapss around me and no one gives a fuck. Most days it is almost a physical pain I feel so sad. I just want to be nice and ffiendly, help people and such. Well, those people get used up and taken advantage of, then discarded when no longer of use.

I spent all day at work thinkin about getting 50mg fentanyl and killing myself. When i get to seriously thinking of suicide, it makes me even sadder knowing its not what I really want. I just want to be live my life free and the way I want, not as a wage slave. It seems so hopeless though, and I just want to stopthe fucking pain.

Didnt start drugs til 18. Tripped at 20. Mostly an alcoholic til 25. Started tripping frquently about 26-27. Now I am 31. Do I think psychs brought about the depression? Nope. Sometimes they make it better, sometimes worse. Have mostly convinced me that suicide just makes things worse, and kinda make me less likely to do it.

Its kinda fucked tho. People are like "Dude are you okay? You look so sad, whats wrong" . Then you tell em the truth and no one wants to be around you. People jist want you to lie, put on a "brave face" blah blah. I just do not know how much longer I can do it.

I have a question for you yepyepwoah, pharmakos, or anyone else who suffers badly from depression. Is it an option to just pack up and leave, completely change channels, go move to another country in the tropics or something and just chill for a while? I always wonder why depressed people who are on the verge of breaking don't just say fuck it and entertain fantasies of packing up their bags instead of packing in their life.

It seems to me like if you've gotten to the point where you're almost willing to end your life, maybe it could open up huge possibilites in your life to do the kinds of things that hold back most people. Leave and go work in a war zone helping refugees. Climb a mountain. Join a monastery or a wacky cult. Be a vagabond on a beach somewhere.

Is the problem that depression will just follow you no matter where you go? Or that you get trapped in life circumstances that don't allow that kind of thing? Or finances? Or.. ??

I've not had to deal with depression much at all in my life, maybe I had a period of a year or two in my mid 20s when I was approaching something like depression, but just barely. Some family around me does battle depression, so I've seen it closely, but it's not the same being an outsider to it.

I feel like my question is probably naive and misunderstanding depression, same as all the annoying happy people who expect you to just get over it. So my apologies if I'm being an idiot. But nonetheless, I wonder about this kind of option. I know depression can be so crippling that it can be hard to get out of bed, so maybe this kind of idea is like that times a million.

 

[Just A Guy]

May I answer your question? Just a bit, anyway, from my own experiences: the deeper in the pit, the harder it is to make any light at the top. Without light, it's hard to do much of anything. It's all a matter of how far down the pit one is -- and the hardest thing yet, to help someone find their inner resources to climb up that 1" or whatever it takes to see that little bit more light...

But I like where you are coming from.

Admittedly, though, in my experience, a lot of dealing with depression is getting over myself, and getting over my paradigms of what is misery, and what is tough, and what is strength & weakness, and what is love... It is what I have observed it to be, now, and not what I thought society was telling me it should be. I define my own life, and might not align with everyone else's because of that--but it works.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah I have been wanting to ask the same thing but felt kind of awkward asking it. It's can be difficult and scary to move to a new place, but sometimes it seems, why the hell not, if you've got nothing to lose (if it's gotten so bad you want to die all the time). There are places even in the US where the people don't suck so bad, the culture is good, and the environment around you is inspiring and beautiful. I'd probably be depressed still too if I still lived in Chicagoland, that place is a fucking commercialized drag.

 

[pharmakos]

I can't afford to move anywhere but hopefully someday.

 

[yepyepwoah]

Basically money, no real transferable job skills, being a number in a state system, familial obligations etc.

Although yoi are right. I think i would pack my shit and move before killing myself. Fear is kinda that, ya know, wherevwr yoi go, there uoi are. Ya dig?

I can expand more later, but im working. Haha.

All i really want is to see the unseen. Have dreamed of living and training with shaman types. Maybe its in the cards for me, maybe not. Even in the depths of my most fucked off shit, I see little signs, like winks from the universe, that everything is cool and I am exactly where I am suppossed to be... But i dunno.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah sometimes suffering is necessary. It seems cruel for the world to bring people in to just suffer indefinitely, but maybe it's not indefinitely, maybe this period of time is necessary for you to find your path. Maybe in the future you'll look back on yourself now in a totally different light. I know that I would not have been able to appreciate what I have now, or learn what it is I do and do not want/need to be happy, without first going through the depths, a depth I did not believe I would ever recover from at the time.

Gotta keep the hope alive. Life can and does change, unexpectedly, for both the worse and the better. If you end it, you'll never have the chance for that better life.

I dunno, I feel inadequate talking about this stuff/giving advice, because my depression was entirely situational (even though it was very dark and severe). I am fortunate to not have any mental imbalances, so when I am living right, I am naturally happy. I just keep feeling like most people who are chronically depressed have the ability to get past it. I think, like you're saying it seems to be for you yepyep, that in many cases it's the result of our twisted society, which tends to try to take people off the path that I find allows me to live a good life. The things you need for your soul are marginalized. I moved to a place where for the most part the people are trying to live lives apart from the standard American machine... just a few states away. It helps so much to be surrounded by that, I am able to see that in fact there are plenty of other people who share my views, and that it's possible for a community of people to live beautifully in this day and age, to live closer to the way that we evolved to do.

 

[pharmakos]

I would really miss my family too =\

 

[Delsyd]

I suffer from depression a bit. I used to think it was seasonal affective disorder but the last couple years the depression surfaced during spring and summer which in the past were my happy seasons.
Maybe my depression is triggered by the actual changing of the seasons rather than
winter/short days = sad
Summer/long days = happy

Anyway I do go through periods of self loathing and hopelessness and isolation. It helps me to remind myself that the thoughts are fleeting, constructs of the mind and that in a month or two I will feel better.

I've done what Xorkoth recommended above, as far as moving to where you'll be happy, and it does help but not entirely.
Sometimes when I'm feeling really sad all I want is to be with my mom and sisters, but they live across the country and I only see them every 2-3 years.
I don't believe being close to them will actually help me. I love where I live with my wife and my friend family, and actually think that being in sunny California (where my family lives) would be the worse option.

Sorry, I don't have any advice to give. Just figured I'd share a bit of my story.

 

[vortech]

*Ahem* getting this thread back to the swirly talk.....Synchronicity was off the hook today. I performed my job as a Synchronizer of Lifewave Tunes. From the first step out the door to the first keystroke accounting it, was all One Big Happy Flow. Many connections were created, celebrated, unfolded, flip-flopped and wrapped up neat with a free cup of coffee on top.
I have so much more respect for MXM after today’s adventure (Short story: the gatekeeper decided today was the day to let out the MXM). If we compare all the different aryls (I’m just gonna call arylcyclohexylamines ‘aryls’ for short from now on….is that cool?) in the context of an audience rating not dissimilar from the MPAA movie rating system, MXM is like the ‘G’ or ‘PG’ rated aryl . Ketamine I think would also fall in the ‘PG’ rating. MXE is more certainly ‘PG-13’: discretion is advised. The 3-Meo’s are ‘R’ rated, for mature disso audiences only, because they can get to be scary for the kids/noobs. Catch my drift?

Anyway, back to MXM, a few words. I Love how this compound doesn't get in the way of the most organic flows, the way events unfold in this hyper-connected cloud-consciousness. Synchronicity is the Universe singing a song, and the realization that you are all at once the conductor of an orchestra, the player, the instrument, and a passive observer breathing it all in, in awe of the sweet rich harmony and sheer utter complexity greater than any one thing alone, coming together at a nexus point of reverent benevolent temporal-spatial resonance, the alignment of which is clear evidence of a higher power guiding us all, such that when we fall in line with it we are given as reward the rapturous brilliance of a singularity propagating in shimmering ripples of ephemeral memorial reflections of its source appearing as any number sacred geometries. And so it is I continue my walk in the sun light, synchronically stepping in time with the music blaring from my cell phone, seredipitously in key with the birds in the trees.

 

[yepyepwoah]

I dunno, I feel inadequate talking about this stuff/giving advice, because my depression was entirely situational (even though it was very dark and severe). I am fortunate to not have any mental imbalances, so when I am living right, I am naturally happy. I just keep feeling like most people who are chronically depressed have the ability to get past it. I think, like you're saying it seems to be for you yepyep, that in many cases it's the result of our twisted society, which tends to try to take people off the path that I find allows me to live a good life. The things you need for your soul are marginalized. I moved to a place where for the most part the people are trying to live lives apart from the standard American machine... just a few states away. It helps so much to be surrounded by that, I am able to see that in fact there are plenty of other people who share my views, and that it's possible for a community of people to live beautifully in this day and age, to live closer to the way that we evolved to do.

Meh, what is mental imbalance really? I remember when I was 18-19 I was getting real in to "fixing myself". Reading all these books about adhd/depression/blahblah. Looking into all these suplements to take instead of psych meds...

Then on my 2nd or 3rd mushroom trip (something about eating what you pick makes it a more personal experience... But i digress in my digression) I changed my mind about being broken. I remember laying in bed after eating them. Feeling the kundalini (i didnt realize what it was until like 7-8 years later) energy building at the base of my spine. It was like I literally felt the mushrooms dissolce in my stomach and transfer to the base of my spine. I felt it slowly creep all the way up until it hit the center of my brain. Then it exploded into the most beautiful full body embrace of love and light. Wbispering to me that I am fine, I dont need to fix myself to fit into the world, the world needa to fix itself to fit with me ;-).

I alternated between two very real visions. One that was dark, robotic, industrial, representing the way we live/society I was trying to fix myself to fit into.

The other was beautifuk nature. Grassy plains. Mountains. Rivers. Beautiful perfect nature. I felt so at home, loved, and at peace.

I remember as the visions faded and the energy drained from my skulk back down to the base of my spine. After that trip I stopped giving a fuck about big pharma, psychiatrist etcetc. It was like a switch went off and I knew what I felt that made me feel so alone and alienated was just my longing to live a better life and fitting into society would be betraying myself...

This came like 2 months after the first time I took MDMA. Peaking, driving down the freeway (i know i know, sorry). This song by the band The Starting Line hit this emotional peak. I peaked and said outloid " this is the best I will ever feel in my life"

Then boom, felt like I got hit by a tractor beam of light. Such intense euphoria enveloped me it made the MDMA peak feel like being beaten. This voice speaking to me saying "hey, yepyep, I hear all youve been asking. Your good. I love you. Im real. Your doing it right. Dont worry its how it is supposed to be. Just keep on keepin on."

I was like "wait! Dont go. I must know more. I have so many questions, I am so confused. Please help me." And the reply was basically "okay, but you wont remember any of it, just the vague knowledge that it happened and that will see you threw"

I basically come to driving 70mph down the freeway 10+ miles from the initial peak that went with the song like wtf just happened.

This happened the day after I got out 2 weeks in jail. Where i "randomly" met a guy in a holding tank comming from court and he told me about how he had the same type experience years previous, sober as fuck, sitting in a different jail" . I spent those two weeks alternating between yelling at god that I was so confused. Did I hate him or just church, and if I could please experience what that guy did maybe I could make sense of myself...

Those two experiences are probably the only reason I made it from 20-25. Always in the back of my mind, like somethings going on I should stick around for.

Sorry for the derail...

Uhhh swirly talk. Im on some 3 meo pcp. I kinda wanna rabdomly take some dpt. I got a new gram and I feel momma callin me. Dpt feels like a she to me. I call her momma. She likes to fuck with me sometimes, but only out of love.

For real though. I dunno who I would be without bluelight and erowid. Thanks guys

 

[TheAppleCore]

At what dosage is that? Cause if you take more than a few mg (like that old friend of mine he got prescribed something like 7 or 11 - not a seven-eleven joke - 5mg tablets per day) I can certainly imagine, but I have taken it at around 5 for the whole day and found pretty much nothing but benefit.

I'm not too experienced with dexamphetamine, because I found methamphetamine to be a superior drug (fewer side-effects, higher signal-to-noise ratio). Also, I found dex to be highly variable in its effect for some reason. But 5 mg per day was excessive for me. 10 mg would send me FLYING sometimes.

When I was using methamphetamine, it was no more than 2 mg per day, and that was also excessive. It seemed to me that the positive effects were always outweighed by the side effects, so there was no winning dosage.

mind-dumbing inefficiencies of bureaucratic institutions I have to deal with

Oh god, that tomfoolery would challenge the patience of Christ himself. Nobody likes dealing with bureaucracies.

Anyway, I'll be very interested to hear how the methylphenidate works for you, Sol. I sincerely hope that it is a useful tool for you.



On that note, has anyone here used modafinil? That drug piqued my curiosity ever since hearing about it on a radio segment.

 

[Xorkoth]

I was prescribed modafinil for a while. I found it to be subtle at best, no recreational value. It did help me stay awake, and if I took 200mg, I felt basically nothing, except increased wakefulness (no motivation or concentration increase other than it was easier to concentrate if I was tired because I wouldn't be nodding off). At 400mg, there was a weird, uncomfortable stimulation and slight anxiety, with no increase in focus.

 

[TheAppleCore]

^ Hmm, not too promising. Still, I think it might be worth trying at some point, since amphetamines were a bit harsh for me, and I enjoy the gentle stimulation of caffeine quite a bit.

Yeah sometimes suffering is necessary. It seems cruel for the world to bring people in to just suffer indefinitely, but maybe it's not indefinitely, maybe this period of time is necessary for you to find your path. Maybe in the future you'll look back on yourself now in a totally different light. I know that I would not have been able to appreciate what I have now, or learn what it is I do and do not want/need to be happy, without first going through the depths, a depth I did not believe I would ever recover from at the time.

Gotta keep the hope alive. Life can and does change, unexpectedly, for both the worse and the better. If you end it, you'll never have the chance for that better life.

I like your attitude Xorkoth. Although I would characterize myself as depressed right now, I still feel strongly that life is a gift, and it's worth suffering through all the darkness that it entails. I realize that my depression is tied to circumstances that I can change, and I'm working every day to change those circumstances. So I have no doubt that brighter times lie ahead for me.

If I stop being caught up in my worries for just a moment, and look at the world around me, it's hard not to feel a sense of hope. Everything is a bottomless well of mystery. The world is glistening with magic. I just look at something as mundane as a wooden table, then imagine the tree that was cut to build the table, and wonder how old the tree was, and when it was planted... maybe in the 19th century, when the industrial revolution was underway... and then I wonder what a sense of triumph might have come from building the first steam locomotive... and so on ad infinitum!

Plus, it helps to acknowledge how fucking pointless it is to be depressed. It's just an energy sink. Optimism is the source of ambition and productivity, depression is the source of vicious cycles of lethargy. I don't always have control over my emotions, but sometimes I do, and choosing to be sad is never the answer.

 

[Img_9999]

I'm sorry for causing the conversation to move away from the "swirly talk"
But thanks guys for your answers. It's something I've been wondering. I know that a definite correlation would require a much thorough work, but I think that all the information and anecdotic data we embody here is actually a more or less fair representation of the psychedelic user world, or at least a certain type of drug user, and it could be used for interesting insight.

I think that people who think deeply and are unusually intelligent are more likely to be attracted to psychedelics, and are also more likely to be depressed.

There is a correlation, not a causation...

People who are for example seeking, contemplative, experimental, intelligent are the prototype psychedelic users but also recipes for mental issues of a few kinds.

This is also something I've though about and I agree, partially. It's just that sometimes I think that being able to achieve what you want, understand what works for you and seek your own good, generally speaking, is also part of being intelligent. But well, there are many kind's of intelligence. Most of the geniuses of the arts and science apparently had a hard time living in this world of ours. And of course if we never thought about anything at all we would probably be happily living in the moment. But I don't know, sometimes I wonder if I'm just trying to give myself some sort of "self-congratulation" when I think "Well, at least I'm struggling because I think and therefore I must be at least a little bit intelligent" Haha. But yeah, I agree with the general idea and it makes too much sense.

Spending your time and energy doing something you love and are passionate about improves quality of life so powerfully.

Absolutely ! Conscious effort must always be made towards understanding which are the things you feel comfortable and passionate about, and after that understanding we must have the will power and determination to make concrete actions towards building that space in which we can do them. Sometimes rough times are actually great catalysts for understanding what are the things that hurt us and which things we should leave back when we move towards achieving our goals. Like the saying goes, "just before dawn he sky is always at it's darkest hours".

For me therapeutic use is still not anything close to any anti-depressant, but rather alignment with my heart... wanting to better myself after honestly seeing where it's time for me to be e.g. more responsible, a 'wise' evaluation of how I lead my life in a way that I don't think I have the emotional intelligence for sober. It probably won't cure a neurobiological depressed phase, but it helps keep a sane mind in a sane body leading a good life.

This is something I really agree with. I always feel at least a little bit "relieved" after I trip, is like I understand why I'm feeling like I'm feeling, and to which extend should I allow myself to keep feeling that way. I guess that's kind of a "heart alignment" going on. I also perceive emotional intelligence to be enhanced while tripping, and because feelings are more prone to spontaneously burst out while in the psychedelic state, it's unavoidable to work through issues that are bothering me at the moment. That's the true therapeutic potential I feel for psychedelics, rather than a true "cure" for depression. What would that be, anyway ??

Anyway now after finding an appartment elsewhere in the south of the netherlands where the housing crisis isnt as bad, and being very happy with the decoration etc... and hopefully I am in luck with landing a job in design / 3d printing related tech I got my eye on. The main guy there had a talk with my parents (didn't know about any of it), and apparently he used to trip and was very impressed / empathetic about my talents and interests.
Hopefully I get my inspiration back soon enough, cause I am so unproductive now - can have a small break since I am just finishing up decorating but yea ok, it would probably have a good effect if I continued my design / cartoon / composition / creative projects I have ready to go on hold.
Might go on methylphenidate, as I mentioned, but I haven't even discussed all the options with my brand new shrink. I don't want insomnia from it thats for sure..

Sounds like there's a lot going on in your life, man. I hope things start falling into place soon for you. Your comment about that job offer caught my attention. Are you a designer ? I always assumed you were a chemist, because you are so knowledgeable about that stuff haha. I think I remember reading you discussing an NMR analysis or something.

So far, just about all recent research articles point towards substances such as psilocybin (http://www.psypost.org/2016/05/magi...vide-new-avenue-antidepressant-research-42927), LSD, MDMA and ketamine as near-wonder drugs for the likes of treatment-resistant depression, Major depressive disorder, PTSD, physical addictions to harder drugs etc. However, in these studies the drugs were used only once or a few times, sometimes at lower-than-recreational doses. The jury is still out for people like us who sometimes use psychedelics regularly for years.

This is a very important point, Vortech, and I hadn’t thought of it that way. If psychedelics could sometime be used as a legit medicine or therapy, by that standard or kind of use is obviously abuse, regardless of how much we take care of ourselves and take breaks and whatnot.

Just never really got past that. It’s like, I am cool with myself, I just cant find a place to fit in society. I feel like I am watching the world collapss around me and no one gives a fuck. Most days it is almost a physical pain I feel so sad. I just want to be nice and friendly, help people and such. Well, those people get used up and taken advantage of, then discarded when no longer of use.

I feel you, man. I can really relate to that feeling of not having a place in this world. Even though I don’t really struggle with depression or suicidal ideations, in my darkest hours I’m confronted with this kind of feelings. It’s like all the world is moving in exactly the opposite direction of how I think things should be like. But I don’t know, with time I came to realize that if I really keep in mind what I enjoy and what I want to get out of this world, It’s up to me to find the means to experience and seek everything I want. By doing the things I love I came to meet like-minded people, who aren’t there for me all the time, of course, but just knowing they exist makes me feel less alone in this fight.

I have a question for you yepyepwoah, pharmakos, or anyone else who suffers badly from depression. Is it an option to just pack up and leave, completely change channels, go move to another country in the tropics or something and just chill for a while? I always wonder why depressed people who are on the verge of breaking don't just say fuck it and entertain fantasies of packing up their bags instead of packing in their life.

This is something I have discussed before. And I think in a way you are right, when there is no hope at all then one is truly free. If you really feel detached from anything, and nothing in your life really satisfy you, then you can literally take any risk. What’s to fear when then nothing of value to lose? It’s kind of an idea that comforts me, actually. If everything goes wrong in my life and I never achieve anything of what I’m putting all my effort in, well fuck it, the world’s big enough to find something crazy out there and restart from scratch. Became a vagabond and travel around. Or even go to the mountains and live off roots and write poetry on stones, and at least find a beautiful death. Thinking about things that way kind of makes the everyday struggle less scary, and less overwhelming.

But at the same time, there’s a lot more to it. People with serious depression (And not just some childish existential angst like me) have really a hard time coping with everyday life, so yeah, as you said it yourself, the prospect of starting a huge journey like that seems like an impossible step. My girlfriend has been fighting depression since her mother died when she was still a child. She was prescribed SSRI’s when she was only ten, which I find fucked up, but willingly stopped taking them in less than a year if treatment. It’s just hard for her to have faith in herself and what’s she’s capable to do. So it’s impossible to make her realize that she is literally capable of everything she would want to do. In a way, having the will to leave everything behind requires a certain strength, and depression is a debilitating condition.

Okay, so from now on I’ll try to keep the discussion on topic, he. Maybe this was more suited for the other social thread, but it was good getting to know a little bit more about you guys. I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week, regardless of our personal struggles.

 

[yepyepwoah]

I used 2-fma daily in 5-30mg doses. Rarely higher than that at once. I found it far superior than a similiar amount of time usimg adderal.

After an initial adjustment its easy, in fact obviously neccesary, to eatand sleep normally and often. It last longer, not as jittery and no sharp comedown. I could plug 20mg do a lot of homework and shit late after work, and fall asleep with a bowl of weed and/or .5-1mg etiz an hour or two later. Shit, sometimes without.

I did notice a slight obvious tenseness in my chest area after a while though. Constant use tends fo do that.

Other downsides were inadvertant porn marathons instead of homework or other work. Especially if used rectally vs oral. Dont even think about insulfation. Sometimes porn marathons turned into craigslist or etc trollin for strange. Had more than a few encounters that ran the gamut from I might deny having seen the woman to an high dollar escort who just wanted her pussy ate initially. (amazing what email address googling can find out, even with a blurred face). That was the best sex with the most physically perfect woman I have had though. Make em cum and they always wanna fuck


Yeah no more of that tho

I'm not too experienced with dexamphetamine, because I found methamphetamine to be a superior drug (fewer side-effects, higher signal-to-noise ratio). Also, I found dex to be highly variable in its effect for some reason. But 5 mg per day was excessive for me. 10 mg would send me FLYING sometimes.

When I was using methamphetamine, it was no more than 2 mg per day, and that was also excessive. It seemed to me that the positive effects were always outweighed by the side effects, so there was no winning dosage.

 

[Solipsis]

Tried 2-FMA, even IMed that stuff once.. I liked it but stim abuse definitely makes me worry that it's the least kind of justified for me - I just feel like I'm doing a bad thing. Anyway I learned to feel that way only after plenty of *slightly* lighter stim abuse with amph, dexamph and 4-FA mostly.

Tried meth once (you know, because of that commercial "Meth? Even once!", or something, may have gotten that wrong), it was a very limited dose but I gotta say I liked it but can definitely do without it. Methamphetamines, so meth, 2-FMA, 4-FMA and also MDMA all have a particular buzzing feeling that caths or normal amps don't have and I find that special - but again I know that an infatuation with that could get very ugly.

Am on Ritalin first day today. Doesn't really count yet since I'm only up for about an hour and there is obviously much psychological anticipation, but as I am used to with it, I feel immediately more to the point. No snoozing, no feeling of being all over the place til late afternoon where I get myself together and start working on stuff. No just breakfast, tasks, and impulse to get something done. I hope I can live with feeling a bit tense.

IMG, I flunked out of chemistry eventually so no real career there but I always continued being an 'amateur enthousiast', seeking chemist friends to nerd over mostly drug stuff but also general chem stuff with.. Made plans for various reactions like propionylating stuff and modifying opium extract but since shit hit the fan and I ate the huge pile of opium I had, I left all materials like glassware elsewhere and don't even have a sub-mg scale or even normal scale here... and arranged no place in my new home for experimenting. [You can imagine I wouldn't incriminate myself but honestly it was never legally worrisome like a methlab, I am interested in cool extractions modifications and preparations for mostly myself or a friend, and novel stuff. Advanced chemistry is tricky for me since I am not graduated, forgot stuff, maybe things went out of date - so more limited with advice or NSP forum involvement than the real mccoys. Mostly love organic chem tho.]
Actually not a workbench for wood shopping or a mycological unit at home anymore either (only one of my gloveboxes in the basement). I *might* at some point move in my martha (sort of automated mushroom growing tent I made), but even then will probably do the most of the messy work preparing and inoculating substrate elsewhere. And most likely just choice culinary shrooms.

Have no education in design.. But I am autodidactic at various things like design / make furniture and artsy objects preferring lamps, cartoons preferably absurdist, IT stuff. I'll post pics of my apartment when I'm done, and nearly there.
My mother has a quite beautiful very old house looking out over a park-like field in second best part of town, and I plan on working woodshop projects just in her basement (has a vise etc) and in the overgrown garden during the summer.
Am starting to trying to apply chemistry to design / wood where I can, working materials for a more special finish.

Damn it I trolled myself: every time I completely wipe my PC and browser resets, a plugin is activated again that turns words like 'people' into ponies and stallions. So then first time that happened I nearly flipped out on fora about this apparent 'hype' of people using those words (the SWIM stuff makes it plausible lmao). Got rid of that thing, but well played, idiot past self.

 

[TheAppleCore]

I'm sorry for causing the conversation to move away from the "swirly talk"

Dude, any talk is swirly talk. We could have a debate about the most fashionable shoes in 2016 and it would be psychedelic AF. (BTW in case you're wondering, this is the answer: )

NSFW:

Have you ever noticed that it's nearly 100% impossible to be distracted from a psychedelic trip? I can be in the middle of an acid trip, and get a call from my grandma asking me for help because she forgot her email password for the hundredth time, and it is incredibly trippy, because I start noticing complex nuances in the difference between the way older and younger generations conceptualize technology.


I'm drunk. Alcohol used to be boring when I was younger, but I feel like I'm becoming more sensitive to altered states as I get older, and it's pretty badass now. I was able to look my dad in the eye for the first time in awhile... that was cool.

Damn it I trolled myself: every time I completely wipe my PC and browser resets, a plugin is activated again that turns words like 'people' into ponies and stallions. So then first time that happened I nearly flipped out on fora about this apparent 'hype' of people using those words (the SWIM stuff makes it plausible lmao).

Hahaha, why on earth would that happen after a reset??