🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 PD Social Thread 2022-2025 v. Year of the Phenethylamine

[JackARoe]

I think we all tried to help. I know for a fact in the history of the social some of you tried for years. But I think we all saw it coming recently. Xorkoth and Delsyd knew the most. They were probably fatigued from years of trying to help Charlie as I would be. You could write a book on past posts of people trying to help. But a person will do what a person will do.

Last time I spoke to him on the phone was just after his last overdose back in the summer. I jokingly said, so you lived long enough to speak to Jack again. He chuckled. It was at that time I tried to let him know he’s got his mother, his girlfriend, and a whole slew of people that love him and worry about him. He promised me he would go to a barbecue at his mothers house without all the drugs. I said now that’s the spirit. We all do it, do our best to make it through the boring sober days. I even said you owe them one and I think he actually did that. I think.

So I think Charlie might be the only person on BL that got a glimpse of their shrine before they actually even passed on. He knew a lot of people cared.

I still don’t have a lot of words, but I hope Charlie is rolling around Heaven as he should be. Being the kind hearted person he was. He was one of those souls that was too good for this world. There are a lot of you like that but please, stick around!

. A couple of years ago I didn’t feel it as much as I felt it recently. In fact, all he got was a year in jail last time and another chance. This time I had that feeling in my stomach. Oh well, that’s all I got. I’m usually very matter-of-fact when it comes to death.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

People were trying to get Charlie to be more careful for years, never worked. He cared though, but it ultimately were his rules. I got really mad at him a couple of times back in 2020, but to him all was swell different rules man.
And I mean, from some perspectives it did work. Guy did a stint in jail, and came back like it was nothing, back to cooking, girlfriend, apartment, job.. Seemingly happy as fuck.

I have thousands of messages with him from back in 2019, jarring to read but things were simpler and we were happy.
Things changed after that, I'd probably have blamed it all on the dissos but I'm also kind of a bitter fuck. We all need a little Charlie in us you know, take things head-on and with a big grin.

I'll miss him, I hope he enjoys the peace.

 

[arrall]

We all need a little Charlie in us you know, take things head-on and with a big grin.

I'm gonna have a 'Charlie Day' sometime soon.
Listen to some Grateful Dead, maybe do a (safe amount) of nitrous, and just try to look at even the craziest situations positively.

 

[Xorkoth]

People were trying to get Charlie to be more careful for years, never worked. He cared though, but it ultimately were his rules. I got really mad at him a couple of times back in 2020, but to him all was swell different rules man.
And I mean, from some perspectives it did work. Guy did a stint in jail, and came back like it was nothing, back to cooking, girlfriend, apartment, job.. Seemingly happy as fuck.

I have thousands of messages with him from back in 2019, jarring to read but things were simpler and we were happy.
Things changed after that, I'd probably have blamed it all on the dissos but I'm also kind of a bitter fuck. We all need a little Charlie in us you know, take things head-on and with a big grin.

I'll miss him, I hope he enjoys the peace.

100%. Me and Charlie talked a lot, often daily via text with a solid phone call mixed in occasionally. I've been friends with him on here since 2006/2007. I tried, and tried, and tried to get through to him and get him to step back from his true obsession with drugs. I never have met another person who was as thoroughly addicted to drugs as our dear friend Charlie. Eventually he asked me to please just promise him I would stop always trying, because he had made his decision and it was his decision to make. Which I couldn't really argue with. There was no getting through to him, anyway. I still added comments to him when it was particularly egregious... like just before he died.

He sent me a series of texts the morning of the day he died. I ignored them because they were barely legible and I was not in support of the subject matter, he broke a rule we agreed between us and I wasn't going to engage. Now I wish I had... if only for one last chance to talk to him.

Somehow, through it all, he managed to be, most of the time, profoundly, contagiously happy. He had a way of beaming positivity and love and light into your day, and certainly into this forum. He will be missed by many... and me.

Farewell my brother.





:heart8:


(it's a heart phoenix)

 

[Kaleida]

Charlie is now officially the first person I ever knew who died who I got mad at for dying when I first heard the news. I wasn't really sure what to say about it before because of that. I'm still not.

I didn't know him as well as a lot of you guys did but I did know him well enough to feel hurt and loss now that he's gone, and to have tried on multiple occasions to suggest to him that he slow down and take it easy with the drugs. I guess he was who he was. It must have been amazing sometimes. You can't say the guy didn't really live, that much is for sure at least.

Goodbye, Charlie. You are and will continue to be missed.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

I ended a relationship some time ago, didn't last very long, I really tried this time.
I just cannot tolerate people getting too close, I go ice cold. It's been a theme. I don't know why, internet says something about attachment styles, probably lots of pseudoscience but it kinda resonates. Is this a thing, am I just a lonely asshole or something..

Maybe I need to do something, but I wouldn't know what, me and therapists have always been an utter disaster

 

[pharmakos]

Well i overdosed on Fentanyl in Patterson, and then two days later i had a heart attack. My first on so it was terrifying. I have covid19, RSV and the flue at the same time that explains alot my symptoms for tge last 5 days, if you noticed.

But i got discharged from the hospital and went home. Later on sitting on the toilet after taking the trifecta benzo, soma and opioid. Well i woke up 30mins later. I have covid and the flue at the same time that explains alot but im leaving the hospital.

And i havent taking my lamictal in 4 days and not been sleeping so im completely delirious, just too high to remember. So yeah, not the greatest move i have had made in this life bit im hanging in there anf will keep fighting to live. Me andy girlfriend has been crying and saying gow much we love eachother and saying how special our love is
.

Bro I'm usually not one to speak up, but just a few days before this I told you I was worried about you. Take care of yourself brother Charlie.

 

[pharmakos]

RIP Charlie

RIP Cosmic Charlie

Hi all, The police just went to Cosmic Charlie’s girlfriend’s house and he has died. I am so sorry to deliver the news like this. I was engaged to Billy in 2020 and he made me promise if he dies to share the news with his BL family. Bluelight has his biggest passion and I know he was a legend on...

bluelight.org

Ugh should have kept reading before replying omg.

 

[swilow]

Ugh should have kept reading before replying omg.

 

[Kaleida]

I ended a relationship some time ago, didn't last very long, I really tried this time.
I just cannot tolerate people getting too close, I go ice cold. It's been a theme. I don't know why, internet says something about attachment styles, probably lots of pseudoscience but it kinda resonates. Is this a thing, am I just a lonely asshole or something..

Maybe I need to do something, but I wouldn't know what, me and therapists have always been an utter disaster

Your post reminded me of a recurring memory I have of a time when I was working in food delivery and grabbed a fortune cookie on the way out of a Chinese restaurant. (I think that's how it happened.... It's been a while but I know I was alone which usually isn't the case when I'm eating a fortune cookie, except when I was delivering food.) I ate the cookie and looked at the fortune and it said "Your positivity is your strongest quality." and my immediate thought was "I already knew that you stupid assholes."

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Your post reminded me of a recurring memory I have of a time when I was working in food delivery and grabbed a fortune cookie on the way out of a Chinese restaurant. (I think that's how it happened.... It's been a while but I know I was alone which usually isn't the case when I'm eating a fortune cookie, except when I was delivering food.) I ate the cookie and looked at the fortune and it said "Your positivity is your strongest quality." and my immediate thought was "I already knew that you stupid assholes."

Thanks Kaledia, good snap of the fingers

 

[iom]

Mmm, food delivery. So... Random question. Have any of you been given psychedelics without your knowledge? And if so, what happened? Could you identify the substance?

I have a story of when I worked as a pizza delivery driver and ate some pizza with shrooms on it without knowing it. It's so strange because only weeks before while driving pizzas, I fantasized about being dosed and tried to imagine what it would be like, and then it really happened. The circumstances were quite unique though.

We were in a severe heat wave and fire season, with temps in the low 100s. The sky looked like Mordor. The A/C was out both in my car and in the pizza restaurant with its wicked open-air 550 degF oven. The only relief was that the air was dry and I drove with the windows down (despite the smoke).

Earlier in the day, my manager asked me to carry out a special mission. One of my co-workers no-showed and he wanted me to go to his house to try to wake him up. I went there and found him pulling himself together, telling me he'd be in after a few minutes, which he was. Then I got real busy, and I got hungry. I was in and out of the store and grabbed a slice from a box in the "rejects pile", which was fair game for us. It had sausage on it (their sausage was terrible) but I scarfed it down anyway, trying very hard to ignore the horrible taste of the sausage. Yet some of those sausages tasted *really off*. Ugh! About half an hour later, I started to feel *really weird*. I don't like mushrooms as much as most psychedelics. They seem to give me low blood pressure at times and confine me to sitting or lying down until after the peak. Well, considering I felt dizzy, confused, hot as hell, and had cold and clammy skin, I started to worry I was having a health emergency. I stumbled through my deliveries and then returned to base. I headed straight to the walk-in fridge and just lied down on the floor for a few minutes. My manager opened the door, looked utterly terrified and immediately turn around and let the door slam behind him. I got up and told him I was sick and needed to go home. He was acting extremely weird and tense while cashing me out. It was very strange. I was just glad to be able to go home (a 30 minute drive) and take a cool bath. I got home and did exactly that... Just soaked in cool water for like an hour, and then I felt relaxed and euphoric. I looked up the symptoms of heat exhaustion and "confirmed" my condition. I saw him at work again for the next couple days, but he never explained what happened. Instead, on the third day, I reported in and a different manager was there. She said he was fired for theft, and that a few days ago, he'd comped $250 of food and "thought he could get away with it".

Finally a few weeks later I got the rest of the story. I took one of the 16 yo/s who worked in the store for a ride in my car so I could demo psytrance music for her. (Psytrance was pretty unknown in the states at that point.) When she realized I liked to trip, she opened up and told me everything. The co-worker, whom I went to wake-up, had scored some shrooms and been up all night tripping. He brought them to work to share with the manager who apparently liked to trip too. He and the manager decided to bake them on a pizza, which they carelessly left under the heat lamp. When I grabbed my slice, I ran out of the store so fast that they couldn't stop me, and then they were totally freaked out because they were afraid of what I would do. Of course I only had one slice of pizza. The co-worker and my manager ate most of the rest, and apparently the two of them were already completely tripping face when he found me in the walk-in fridge. This just freaked my manager out even more. They fucked up and had to comp $250 worth of orders, which ultimately got the manager fired. Karma! Too bad, because other than not telling me I'd been dosed with mushrooms (which I would have been much more ok with if I knew) he was pretty cool.

Anyway, I did suspect I'd been dosed some how, but I thought the possibility was just too wild. Heat exhaustion made far more sense given the circumstances. So there's my story. Is there a thread for this topic? Maybe there should be.

 

[perpetualdawn]

I once had a pact with a friend that we could secretly dose the other guy with LSD without telling them. This was at burning man, a context that obviously makes it make more sense. But even then, neither of us ever had the stomach to do it to the other guy and we eventually abandoned the pact. It's just too much responsibility to do that to someone. Still, part of me would also like the experience of being randomly dosed. But you'd want it to happen at the right time, and no one else can really make that call for you.

 

[iom]

I once had a pact with a friend that we could secretly dose the other guy with LSD without telling them. This was at burning man, a context that obviously makes it make more sense. But even then, neither of us ever had the stomach to do it to the other guy and we eventually abandoned the pact. It's just too much responsibility to do that to someone. Still, part of me would also like the experience of being randomly dosed. But you'd want it to happen at the right time, and no one else can really make that call for you.

Interesting. Did you agree to any constraints on dosage? Even then it's problematic. I mean, what if you get dosed with 500 ug LSD on top of taking a heroic dose of something else?

It's funny how I had my fantasies and then the real thing happened in a kind of weird and mundane way. I actually don't feel it was a bad experience. I mean, I felt like I was sick and like I was in a health crisis, but I kept cool by just staying focused on my health. Once I got into the fridge, I knew I would recover and that everything would be ok. It felt soooo good after being roasted all day. I think I might have spent about 15 minutes lying there so I was certain I'd be cool enough for the drive home. The cool bath at home was great too I just completely relaxed, and when I got out I felt incredibly refreshed and seemed to feel way too good for having recovered from heat exhaustion. I think I did have the thought then that I was dosed, but the whole idea just seemed too absurd until I heard the truth. Now the story makes me laugh every time I tell it.

 

[xammy]

Fucking Charlie. R.I.P.

 

[xammy]

Logged in to bluelight earlier last week to find out about charlie. Fucking hell man. I guess it was inevitable... Couldn't really post anything here even about it, I cried.

I've been really busy lately with irl life, gf moving in and house renovation and stuff. But it's been great and we're having a lovely time living together, all is good

She's studying in a different city, so I get sometimes these days to be alone at home. Today I took LSD for the first time in years and I'm peaking pretty hard right now. I'm happy and content with my life so to speak. All is well in life.

We all just have to continue to get by life.

 

[pharmakos]

It's so hard to want to spend time on Bluelight anymore. So many assholes and so many dead friends. Genuinely this place is not good for my mental health. And that's the opposite of how a site like Bluelight should be. This place breaks my fucking heart.

 

[pharmakos]

Between being so sick of all the bad shit and bad people in the world, and how broken my life is, and how ever since chemotherapy I've been in constant pain and constantly tired, since I first got sick 8 years ago now, I think about suicide a lot. And this is the exact sort of site where someone suicidal should want to spend time. But this place is so fucking broken, that it's hard. PD is the only forum on this site that isn't full of cynical douchey assholes.

 

[Img_9999]

RIP Charlie

RIP Cosmic Charlie

Hi all, The police just went to Cosmic Charlie’s girlfriend’s house and he has died. I am so sorry to deliver the news like this. I was engaged to Billy in 2020 and he made me promise if he dies to share the news with his BL family. Bluelight has his biggest passion and I know he was a legend on...

bluelight.org

Fucking hell, no ! I can't believe this
And at the same time it always felt like such a real possibility...
Still can't believe it, completely heart breaking

Fucking Charlie, years back I wrote to him many time trying to get him to chill with the drugs and self-destructive behaviour, eventually gave up as I think many on here did... Such sad news, this is horrible

Shine on, man, you will be missed

 

[Mjäll]

Between being so sick of all the bad shit and bad people in the world, and how broken my life is, and how ever since chemotherapy I've been in constant pain and constantly tired, since I first got sick 8 years ago now, I think about suicide a lot. And this is the exact sort of site where someone suicidal should want to spend time. But this place is so fucking broken, that it's hard. PD is the only forum on this site that isn't full of cynical douchey assholes.

I may even be one of the assholes in other corners. But don't kill yourself man. Would be a mistake.

Is that something one can say in a case like this?