patience, love and tolerance..WHY SO HARD

I'm very firmilar with the 12 steps of AA and NA, I work the NA program, but I get a lot from AA in it's self. If you go to a meeting about resentment, or anger (topics) you will hear "patience love and tolerance", what does this mean, and why the fuck should I do it?
When I'm mad at someone, I tend to stretch that anger out, and build a resentment. why? I can't fully answer that, I can say it makes me feel diffrent inside. The anger and hate towards an individual starts the gears turning in my brain, and I start "Thinking". I shouldn't be thinking anyway about acting out on anger and resentments. I've herd it enough in meetings that it will get you drunk and high.
Why I choose to blog about this??
I'm dealing with Anger right now, it's a little bit better because I was able to talk to someone about it. No not my sponsor. Just a good friend of mind that has 31+ years of soberity/clean time, and "old timer" you may say.
Why am I angry?
I'm angry because my room mate will not lock the door,(i wanted to cuss and say fuck so bad in that sentince but i'm trying to refrain rehatching that feeling right now).
I've talked with him about this when he first moved in, and he agreed to lock the door.. It happened the next day, he left the door unlock with no where to be around, so I talked with him again. Within that night, I came home from a meeting and the door was unlocked... OK this time I told him to PLEASE LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR,exact words, and he's like "DONT THREATN ME BRO" I said, I'm not dude just lock the FUCKING DOOR!.
Not even a day later I come home from class and the door is once again unlocked with him no where to be around.. OK i'm pissd, so I go and talk to staff, and told him what I felt, the emotions because thats really what i'm worried about.. my feelings have caused me to do things.. that I normally wouldn'tve done in the first place.(this was yesterday). so the staff I talked with it about passed it along to one of the owners of the halfway house i live in, and he talked to my room mate, and me. I thought everything was going to be good.
now today, today hasnt been good for me anyway.. and I come home already upset to find the door unlocked AGAIN WITH HIM NOOOO WHERE TO BE FOUND! WHAT THE $#@%! this is the final straw, I'm ready to smash, I'm star power bitch, my anger meeter was beyond special move mode, It was at like the street fighter level when u can use super special moves, yeah that mad.
So how did I controll this anger??
I went to talk to the staff(the guy with 30+ years), and he was nice enough to lend a ear, and listen while I exploded. then I felt better. well not 100% better, like 50%.. the hostile part of my anger went away, and the only lingering anger was mainly wanting to exchange words with my room mate. So staff printed out these sheets of paper that say LOCK THE DOOR (name withheld) THIS IS NOT A JOKE!. so I put em up all over the door on the inside, and outside. hoping he will start locking the door.
He just came and apoligized to me, he didn't make eye contact when he did it, but i accepted it anyway because i'm trying to practice "patience love and tolerance of others", regardless of the situation.

i'm off to a meeting, love you all
drew

 

Glad to see you around Drew!

Tolerance and acceptance are best practised on yourself while you're trying to learn how to do so with others. Anger is real, but like any other emotion it can be problematic when one acts from it. The notes sound like a great solution to the problem-- they got the point across without your having to properly flip out.

Resentment is dangerous though. There's a saying, which is (I think) attributed to the Buddha: resentment is like holding onto a hot coal in order to throw it at someone; the only person who gets burned is yourself. That's all fine and good-- and a massacred quote, I'm sure-- but the tough bit is learning when to just let go. I've no advice on that, I'm afraid, as I'm still trying to figure that out for myself. In my case, much of my resentment is focused on people in my distant past, and no matter how mellow I am in my current life if they come up in my thought I just see red. I think that perhaps a part of it is identifying with the resentment, and feeling like I've somehow failed if I just let it go. Makes no rational sense, but these things rarely do.

You're doing well, I trust?

 

Hey dave, sorry i didn't read this sooner. Thanks for that buddah quote it is so true lol. I'm the kind of guy thats a doormat/passive aggresive? where i'll stuff the resentment/anger until...dunno :/
I'm just starting to understand that most people are sicker then others, and it's hard to comprenhend that because these people walk,talk, and not handicapped or show it. so they know, they arnt stupuid. It's hard at times for me to understand that because when i think of a sick person i think of someone in bed, or handicapped,or something.
I'm dealing with that today, just other guys in the program, and even in my family. when i get treated the way i do, i tell myself that he is a sick ass mother fucker, and can smile because he's sick.. then thats where I have to pray/ask god to help this person.
i still havnt made it to the part where I want them to have the same stuff as me, but i want them to become a better person, and it's making me a better person in the longrun.