Cosmic Mist
Bluelighter
I've been sitting too long behind this ivory desk waiting for this day to end. I've been siting waiting, hoping in wain for the darkness to come and envelope me in its soft, cool caress - but it is a hope that is founded in desperation and boredom - it is the worst kind of fear that brings me to where i currently am...
I've been waiting so long for this time to end, so that i can move on with my life, so that i can begin to feel the way i should, so that i can breathe more easily and move more freely through the many differnt corridors in front of me.
Instead i must sit stagnating in this hole and look to the future - like a cat trapped in a well i can only look up and forwards, hoping for the day to come when i can leave this space i have placed myself in and become the person i one day hope to be.
It's hard to watch people living dynamic lives and progressing in the areas that interest them, when you know that you cannot continue this same path because sooner or later you will be ripped from your well once again and moved to an equally frustrating and demanding place.
At the end of it all though, i guess the end justifies the means taken to arrive there. Some people seem to need big houses, nice cars, and full pockets to feel that they have all that life has to offer. Personally i want to live my life a little first. I want to taste forbidden fruits and partake in taboo rituals. I want to understand the tenderness of a girl's lips that matches the sweetness of her disposition. I want to run with my instincts and live my life to the fullest potential possible. I do not want to arrive at the age of 50 and regret not doing the things that i am undertaking to complete now, because after all, a wasted opportunity is the worst kind.
Perhaps, just like all of us, i am afraid to do things that are different - things that set me apart from my friends and family. But i just feel that i need to venture outside the hole i am living in, and understand how soft the grass is underfoot, and how sweet the fresh winter air can be. it would be easy to simply aspire for the good job and big house, but i think i need to aspire to more than that.
I think i need to be happy, and happiness is something that cannot be bought. Happiness is something that can only be found within yourself, once you learn to accept your flaws and imperfections, once you have forgiven yourself for the mistakes you have made, and once you realise that you will never be perfect, nor immortal. Once you have come to these realisations, only then will you accept that you are more than the sum of your material possessions - you are a living, breathing creature capable of creativity and beauty beyond all possible imagination. Only then will you understand how necesary it is for you to suffer a little from time to time - it is this suffering that allows the good to be so worthwhile...
I've been waiting so long for this time to end, so that i can move on with my life, so that i can begin to feel the way i should, so that i can breathe more easily and move more freely through the many differnt corridors in front of me.
Instead i must sit stagnating in this hole and look to the future - like a cat trapped in a well i can only look up and forwards, hoping for the day to come when i can leave this space i have placed myself in and become the person i one day hope to be.
It's hard to watch people living dynamic lives and progressing in the areas that interest them, when you know that you cannot continue this same path because sooner or later you will be ripped from your well once again and moved to an equally frustrating and demanding place.
At the end of it all though, i guess the end justifies the means taken to arrive there. Some people seem to need big houses, nice cars, and full pockets to feel that they have all that life has to offer. Personally i want to live my life a little first. I want to taste forbidden fruits and partake in taboo rituals. I want to understand the tenderness of a girl's lips that matches the sweetness of her disposition. I want to run with my instincts and live my life to the fullest potential possible. I do not want to arrive at the age of 50 and regret not doing the things that i am undertaking to complete now, because after all, a wasted opportunity is the worst kind.
Perhaps, just like all of us, i am afraid to do things that are different - things that set me apart from my friends and family. But i just feel that i need to venture outside the hole i am living in, and understand how soft the grass is underfoot, and how sweet the fresh winter air can be. it would be easy to simply aspire for the good job and big house, but i think i need to aspire to more than that.
I think i need to be happy, and happiness is something that cannot be bought. Happiness is something that can only be found within yourself, once you learn to accept your flaws and imperfections, once you have forgiven yourself for the mistakes you have made, and once you realise that you will never be perfect, nor immortal. Once you have come to these realisations, only then will you accept that you are more than the sum of your material possessions - you are a living, breathing creature capable of creativity and beauty beyond all possible imagination. Only then will you understand how necesary it is for you to suffer a little from time to time - it is this suffering that allows the good to be so worthwhile...
