Parents suspecting/ not trusting you ever again after finding out about drug use?

[Georgie25]

Something happened today to make me think about this..Ive been going to NA meetings and have stayed the majority clean since january this year, but have had 1 day relapes a couple times throughout the year. I had a one day slip up around 2months ago,so consider myself around 60 days sober currently and have been trying real hard this time and am very dedicated to staying clean. I also dont have the drive/cravings as much as ever before which has helped me a lot so Im feeling real good about my sobriety. However, my parents just wont stop suspecting me of using drugs (my DOC is IV heroin), even though my mom regularly goes to meetings with me so she knows I am actually going. But whenever I leave her sight to meet up with (sober) friends to get out of the house every so often..like once or twice a week..she gets extremely worried and wont stop calling me nonstop and doesn't believe me when I tell her i didnt use. All this stress if anything is making me WANT TO USE MORE and I explain this to her, but she is an alcoholic herself and forgets easily. It makes not even want to go outside to look for a job, etc because I know I'll be getting phone calls the entire time from her asking where I am and treated like shit once I get home for supposivily "using". And it sucks so much being accused of that when Im genuinely sober...I would care less if i really was using since I could tell her to fuck off and get high to forget about it, but not like that at all without drugs. Anyone have similiar experiences or advice? =/

 

[**hAyzzZZ**]

Yeah.

It's taken me years to gain my mum's trust even slightly back... I doubt she trusts me 100% and probably never will. I don't blame her... Using I become a lying dickhead.

One thing i've learnt with parents... Your actions speak louder than words.

And one day they will see how you are trying. IME it takes years and years.

My dad on the other hand... I could never do wrong in his eyes. Even blatantly telling him what I did... However, sometimes I think he still suspects I use... I just shrug and say I doubt how i used to live, that person I was, could be able to do what I do now...

 

[cj]

I have the same problem honestly I have used it as an excuse to relapse a few times. I was like well if im gonna get all the negatives mine as well have some positives. So I dunno I guess once you become more independant you dont really have to give a shit what they think.

 

[Lolie]

You can't regain people's trust on your timetable. It might suck, and there may be some people whose trust you can never regain, but that's the reality.

As hAyzzZZ said, it's your actions which are going to count and what might seem like a long time of doing "the right thing" to you is going to seem like a very short time to your parents. They may be too afraid of disappointment to let themselves hope that you've turned the corner for good this time.

If your reaction to your parents' lack of trust is not doing things which you actually need to do - such as looking for a job - then you would probably fare better living elsewhere. The only person responsible for your sobriety is you and it sounds like you have a passive aggressive dynamic going on with your family which might undermine that.

 

[Legerity]

I think parents have a lot of trouble "letting go" and spend a lot of time worrying about us. Your drug use was probably very difficult for her, so she may just be terrified of seeing you get into the same pattern of use that you had before.

When I went into rehab they confronted me about using drugs inside. I hadn't taken anything, but apparently I had developed some sort of perma-fried look in my eyes that took a while to go away. It's possible that your mother tries to read too deeply into your appearance/voice/actions and try to pick up on signs that you are intoxicated.

And with no disrespect to your mother, if she is drinking heavily then I would say that she should also take responsiliby for her own behavior rather than looking only at yours.

Do you want her to go to meetings with you? Personally I would feel very uncomfortable about this, unless she was doing it for herself rather than to check up on me. My mother used to come to meetings only when it was time to take my cake.

 

[rangrz]

I've never stolen or done anything bad to support my habit, so I tell my parents to go fuck them selves. I'm still me, I just choose to use various chemicals, so I don't see why they have an issue.

 

[NotQuiteAnonymous]

My parents didn't confront me about my drug problems until i had been clean for weeks...i looked far worse off drugs than on them.

For my parents to trust me again it took successful completion of Drug Court while working full-time and attending college as a full-time student making As/Bs...it was no easy feat and took approximately 30 months.

 

[mymindisgoo]

yu could always have yer 'rents drug test you?

 

[Silenced]

Hmm... I can't say I trust addicts in my own home or totally believe what they say. Do you not understand? You've had a relapse... she has every right to be concerned. She only wants the best for you.

I can't say my parents treat me any worse. My mom is very understanding (I tell her I abuse sometimes, though she doesn't know the full extent) and my dad is on pills himself for pain.