To the original poster. I have had a somewhat similar experience as you, finding it hard to get the right medication.
I saw a doctor, for the first time in a while I must say. I was nervous, because I knew I needed something for anxiety, and in my experiences, Benzo's are the ONLY things that have ever helped me. So although I had legitimate intentions to get medication for my crippling anxiety, I was straight away intimidated by the fact that this doctor, who was completely new to me, would brand me as a drug seeker.
The results of my first visit with this doctor were VERY disappointing. When I was talking to him, my voice was getting quite shaky, I was starting to ramble uncontrollably, my hands started sweating and shaking quite badly. I told him, I NEED something strong for anxiety. Nothing I have tried can put me to sleep, I'm unable to socialize, scared to get a job AND that I have additionally seen Psychologists about a dozen times minimum, for ADD and Anxiety disorders. I told him specifically (trying to avoid getting an SSRI), "I am NOT depressed, but my anxiety solely is ruining my life.", "I am generally a very happy person." He said okay, and offered me "Anti-Anxiety Medication." Thinking I would get a Benzo, I quickly agreed, but I only ended up getting the SSRI Lexapro. He didn't even explain to me what it would do, but just said take it, and come see me in a week from now.
I ran with it, and actually trialled it. To this day, I'm still on it. It barely helps my anxiety, but I find I am less emotional when bad things happen to me, and indirectly, it helps me be a little less anxious. So 2/10 for General Anxiety relief, 0/10 for Acute Panic Attacks and 6-7/10 for "Depression" (or preventing me from feeling upset in generally provoking circumstances).
I saw him weekly for a month and a bit, and every time had the same circumstances, and literally every time he said that I have to give the Lexapro time to work. I asked for something to help me sleep in the meantime, and he gave me some weak Temazepam to help me sleep, but that was it. 10mg 1x Daily Before Bed. I'd have to eat 5+ to get mildly tired. A week later, after going through the whole script, purely trying to get to bed on it, I told him, I need 4+ of these to even feel like I could sleep before 3:00 in the morning. This isn't working at all. He was shocked that I could handle that much, and said that it's obviously not working on you, we'll try herbal stuff and Psychology. I told him, I have tried those things, and nothing works. I need something like Temazepam, but stronger.
He told me, this is the last time I'll script it to you. I'm worried you will get addicted. Don't take it for sleeping, but save it for Panic Attacks. And prescribed me something like 2 per day, at 10mg dose (the weakest) of Temazepam.
Promptly, I canceled my next appointment with that doctor. I got it changed to another doctor, who works at, and runs the practice of the doctor I just described, as I originally saw him about ADD 2 years earlier, and on the first visit, I got prescribed Kalma (Xanax), 4x daily, 0.5mg. I was completely honest with him, and said I had come to him because my last doctor would not prescribe me anything that worked as he was scared of me getting addicted. I also got re-referred to the Psychiatrist I used to see for ADD.
Life has never been better for me now. My Psychiatrist upped my Lexapro dose by 50%, and I'm on 4x 10mg Valium a day (as it's less addicting than Xanax they believe), plus the addition of taking Epilim. I barely get any anxiety at all now. Honestly, fuck doctors, see a Psychiatrist.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
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