Pain, stupid amounts of pain

[Kosm]

I have no idea whats going on. Ive had abdominal pain (located from behind my upper abs to the inside of my rib cage) for years now. It has progressed with steadily increasing intensity over time. The doctors have been utterly USELESS. I dont think they believe or care how much this hurts. They just write me off because i had terrible insurance, now i dont even have that. I go into the office with dark rings under my eyes because it always starts at night, especially around 3am, and i cant rest at all. Ill be going about my day and all of a sudden it hits me like a hammer to my gut and i have to sut on the floor from the pain, nausea and light headedness.

It is so bad I can barely concentrate, it's taking me ages to write this. I dont know what to do. If I lay down the pain gets tremendously worse. I havent slept in over 36 hours. I want to puke but retching makes the pain so much worse. Ive had similar attacks before and gone to the ER, but they just put me in a bed and waited till the attack subsided (which it usually does anyway) then when they see my distress has begun to (temporarily) subside, they send me home and bill me. I cant afford that again, i havent been able to work because of this. Im broke and no one understands how horrible this is. Its like my organs are being ground into beef pattys. Ive felt potent physical pain before when Ive broken bones and torn muscles. That was nothing compared to this. NOTHING. Its unreasonable. I dont know what to do, I really think I might be dying.

Fuck! Fucking Fuck! Why the hell is this happening? I dont understand. I thought we understood medicine? I dont have anywhere to go for this. All I can do is sit here writhing in pain, futily pressing one key at a time on my keyboard. Its taken me nearly an hour to write this. Im on the verge of screaming and sobbing but the more stress i put on m insides the more it hurts.

I cant go to a hospital, its pointless. This is the worst attack ive had since this pain started. I wish i had drugs. Id try heroine for the first time if I had it, this hurts so bad. Jesus fuck! I dont know why, i dont! Is this hell? Did i die and now im in hell? I cant live like this anymore!!! Does anyone have any idea what this is? Ive looked into everything but it could be so many things and the doctors just didnt give a flying fuck! Is it liver failure? Gall stones? Septic infection? Fucking cancer? Aaaagh! I just need it to stop! Why wont they listen? I cant even express the pain outwardly anymore, all i can do is clench my arms against my abdomen and stare ahead with a dead eyed look. They dont give a fuck about me cuz im poor. I should just die, this isnt living. What did i do to deserve this?

 

[RhythmSpring]

Man, that really sucks about the doctors. The US medical system sucks.

Hang in there. There's got to be a reason. Have you considered alternative methods, or seeing people other than doctors? Other types of healers?

Shamanism? That's what I think of when I think of mysterious illnesses.

 

[CfZrx]

Methadone is the best painkiller I know. Is there a clinic by your house? Actually its best if your doc will hook you up for pain, rather than pretending you are a H addict gl

 

[Kosm]

Im pretty sure the second i walk in and say the word "pain" they assume im a drug seeker and write me off. They dont even really listen to my symptoms just zone out while they type away on google and give me the first diagnosis that comes up on web md (which has 4 out of 6 tries been 'stomach ulcers'. Its almost funny cuz ive had an endoscopy and PROVEN its not but they just keep fucking giving me that diagnosis). On the outside i dont look particularly ill, and i have high pain tolerance so its not like i go in crying and doubled over in agony. It doesnt matter now, i dont have insurance or a job anymore because of this ruining my job performance so the best i could hope for is crappy state insurance, which is a joke. I dont think a free clinic would give me pain meds either. I dont know what to do. No one else does either and anyone who could potentialy help me seems to give no fucks. This mysterious pain is literaly destroying me. I cant sleep. I cant eat. I cant laugh or love. I cant work. I feel like a walking corpse. Hell im almost actually desperate enough to consider rhythmsprings shamanisn suggestion (which is rediculous)

 

[RhythmSpring]

Hell im almost actually desperate enough to consider rhythmsprings shamanisn suggestion (which is rediculous)

Hahaha! When I say "shamanism" I don't mean necessarily going to see a shaman. I mean adopting the shamanistic mindset to cure it. As in, trying to find out the emotional or psychological undercurrents or preconditions to the physical symptoms. It could mean drinking ayahuasca or taking peyote or other master medicine plants. Or kambo frog. Cuz if I had this problem, I wouldn't be satisfied with just curing the pain. I'd be like, "Well, what WAS that?"

 

[Foreigner]

Sounds potentially like a progressive gallbladder attack to me. Were you ever given an ultrasound? That's the only thing that'll find gall stones.

Abdominal upper right quandrant pain beneath the ribs, following the abdominal line definitely sounds like gallbladder.

And your description of the pain fits. Everyone I've met who has GB pain says they want to die, it's worse than childbirth or breaking bones.

I'd go to the ER. They are obligated to look into it, insurance or not. GB obstructions can be life threatening.

 

[Kosm]

I went to the ER a year ago when the pain first started to get really bad. They had a nurse give me an ultra sound and the doc came back and said there was nothing wrong. Of course these are the same people who gave me attitude when i didnt smile at them and ask how their day was (because i was in excruciating pain) and sent me home with nothing other than tylonol and a $500 medical bill. Honestly i dont have any faith in them anymore. Most likely they will just write me off and bill me to get to the next patient so they can pay their mortgage faster. To put it in perspective, i went onto this same ER two years ago after inexplicably passing out (it was a normal day, i was sober and just hanging out) and hit my head on pavment. There was a woman with an arm that was visibly broken in two. She was screaming bloody murder the entire time i was there. I sat in a hospital bed after having a blood sample taken. Two hours later they still hadnt given the woman pain killers and they sent me home with a pamplet describing the dangers of alchohol abuse. I dont drink. What. The. Fuck. I dont know what to do. The nearest other hospital is two hours away, and i dont have a car anymore, not that my visit would be any better there. I have no faith whatsoever in humanity. People are self centered. Altruism is a self serving. Money is all that matters. No one cares about someone who is broke and unemployed, even if the reason im unemployed is because i cant see a decent doctor because im broke. Lol. Life is a fucking joke.

 

[RhythmSpring]

I don't have faith in the Western medical system for similar reasons, different experiences.

But not the entirety of humanity. I implore you not to give up. There are alternatives out there, but you have to look for them.