EDIT: I just realized how long this is, sorry. But it's also pretty important info to have, so @OP - if you have the time, you should definitely read it!
A lot of people don't get the help they need because they're too afraid to fess up about their illicit drug use to a doctor, not realizing that they won't be judged or sent to jail. I give you huge props for that, because it takes a lot of courage to admit you need help. I know I was scared shitless when I made that phone call to my doctor! So again, props.
Anyway, I thought of something else that I think you could benefit from (I know that for me, personally, it has helped immensely) - ask your primary doctor to refer you to an addiction specialist. You don't have to, of course, but let me tell you... it can literally turn your recovery around full circle, but in a good way. Handing the reigns over to my addiction specialist as opposed to my family doctor was probably the only good, if not the best, decision I've made when it comes to my own battle with addiction.
I hate to say it, but you have really gotten yourself into a fucked up situation. I'm not trying to scare you, but there is a very good reason why almost everyone in the medical profession advises against quitting any type of benzo cold turkey, even at doses MUCH lower than yours - because there is a good chance that doing so will cause permanent damage. Aside from the risk of seizures and psychosis CT brings, it can completely rewire your brain.
I'm not an addiction specialist so I can't explain it as well as an addiction specialist could, but I'll try. Benzos act on the CNS and GABA receptors, which are basically in charge of sending messages to other areas to shut down and cease fire. It acts on a variety of areas, which is why long term use eventually causes lethargy and a decrease in cognitive functioning. Think of it this way: Your entire system has been put to sleep for a very long time. Your brain no longer has the ability to effectively control the GABA receptors on it's own, because it has become dependent on the benzos, and it's forgotten how to do this action on it's own. Because your mind and body (there are GABA receptors almost everywhere - in the liver, lungs, etc.) are so used to being "asleep", it sends everything into overdrive when the drug is abruptly taken away from doing what is now it's regular duty. Your brain is basically thinking, "whatthefuckholyshitwhatshouldido?!?!?!" Now all of your synapses are hyperaware and hypersensitive to excitement and they all begin firing at once. Hence, the seizures and the psychosis that can come around as a result. Quitting benzodiazepines cold turkey quite literally sends your entire system into shock.
Again, I'm not trying to scare you - I'm just trying to help you understand how serious it is, so that you can get the help you need in order to be okay again. Quitting benzodiazepines cold turkey also increases the risk of developing something called Protracted Withdrawal Symptom - similar to the PAWS from opiate/Suboxone that some people get. The normal amount of time for withdrawal symptoms to cease after a serious benzo dependency is anywhere from 30 days to 6 months. PWS comes into play when these symptoms continue after that 6 month period of time. It can take years and years and years to go away on it's own, without any outside help. That's why it's really good that you've made the decision to see a doctor, because I have a feeling that might be the case for you.
Luckily, it's not permanent, like I said. But it can take a long ass fucking time to go away. Another reason why I feel you could benefit from an addiction specialist is because it MIGHT be necessary for you to go back on benzos and then do a very slow and steady taper. That would be at yours and your doctor's discretion though, of course. But that might be the only way to get rid of the symptoms sooner than later, because having benzos back in your system would help your body and your brain to restabilize. A very slow and steady taper after that would be key, so as not to shock your system by putting your entire brain into overdrive again. Contrary to popular belief, quitting benzos cold turkey DOES NOT = a shorter withdrawal. Quite the opposite, actually. A slow and steady taper (I know I've said that like three times now, but I can't stress it enough) greatly diminishes not only the risk of seizure, psychosis, and permanent brain damage... but it also allows you to taper and eventually quit with little (and in some cases even no) withdrawal symptoms.
So yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what an addiction specialist would recommend (to go back on benzos), but I'll ask mine when I see him today just to be sure. Maybe he'll have some other good advice for you too, who knows.
I hope I didn't scare you or anything. Well, maybe a little bit, at least enough to make you want to go see a doctor sooner rather than later.
Here's a really good website and FAQ about benzo withdrawal that might be able to address any other concerns or questions you might have. I really hope things get better for you soon. PLEASE go see a doctor SOON, if not an addiction specialist, before it gets any worse. There is no question in my mind that you would benefit greatly from outside help. I'm not trying to preach, honestly... I am genuinely worried for your health, even though that seems ridiculous because I don't know you. But I know addiction is hard enough as it is (I still don't know how you did cold turkey from BOTH those drugs at the dosages you were on!) without having to deal with other complications. I definitely sympathize with you though, because I'll be jumping off of benzo's myself within the next few months, and PWS/seizure/psychosis are what I'm most afraid of. So yes, even though I don't know you, I still feel for what you're going through! And remember Bluelight is always here if you need to talk, or vent, or if you have questions - I'm not kidding, the people on this site are pure amazingness. Feel free to PM me anytime too, if ya want!
Seriously though, I can't force you to do anything, but please make an appointment to see a doctor ASAP!!
GOOD LUCK!
