This is not true of any drug.
ebola
Physically? Of course not. Mentally? I don't know. I honestly think that I was psychologically hooked from my first experience. Could I have stopped back then and not become addicted? Sure, of course I could have, and my life would probably have been different, but when you just start using a drug you think 'I'll just use it a little, not enough to become addicted.'
That was back when, on forums like these, people had these anti-addiction life-prescriptions (and it rhymes!), things like 'never use to avoid your problems' and 'don't use more than twice a week' or 'make a schedule and keep to it.' I thought I'd be okay if I followed these plans, and I did for a while, but it's so easy to rationalize why 'just this once' isn't a big deal.
Since that first time 10 years ago, I don't think I have not had an opiate in me for more than 3 months. I went from using every other week, to every week, to every other day to every day to twice a day.
From Vicodin to codeine to pods and kratom, propoxyphene to suboxone to methadone to fentanyl patches back to methadone, quit for a month, back to methadone, to subs, supplemented with tramadol and kratom, did that for a very long time, a short time in a methadone program (just a couple weeks, before it was doctor prescribed, this was my experiment with it as an addiction treatment) back to subs, a two year taper, probably two months sober, except that I went on valium and zolpidem to sleep, and used kratom here and there. Then I got a giant bottle of vicodin, and a hook up for 8mg subs- which last forever when you're using .5 to .75mg at a time to get high. I realized quickly enough that this was a dead end, do I got back on subs. I did that for about two years. Except that my time off made me able to get high on subs again, so I would use them up early, suffer withdrawal, and that would lower my tolerance again, and I'd repeat it. Sometimes when I ran out I would get real desperate. I had loaned a week's worth to a friend with the expectation that he'd return two weeks worth (for me, only a couple days for him) but instead of getting a refill he got cut off. I was screwed, no one had any subs or opiates whatsoever. Except heroin. I'd only used it a couple times. Now I ended up buying enough to last me two weeks, dosing twice a day. How ironic, I needed heroin to treat suboxone withdrawal. I forgot all about kratom, if I had, things would have been very different. Eventually I got my refill, and things got good again.
Then I decided to quit it, switched to kratom and was doing good on that until I was prescribed 7.5mg hydrocodone tabs after a tooth extraction. Ate those in a day. Now I've been alternating between kratom, the occasional sub, roxi 30's and whatever else.
I've stopped everything but the occasional sub (they're treated like gold around here making more than once a month impossible), mostly due to lack of access. Oxy is too expensive and I no longer have a source. I'm still a junkie at heart, though. Now I'm abusing UEI and supplementing my kratom with that. It's a tough one, though: it's legal and as good as oxy, probably better, just doesn't have that mini-rush from snorting or plugging oxy. It wakes the junkie in me, though, oxy was self limiting, hard to get and expensive. This stuff will be delivered to my door in two days.
I think that you can fall in love with something your first time and that love will lead you to addiction eventually, because yes, sure, you can't be addicted your first time, but there are certainly people for whom even one experience with a particular addictive drug will almost inevitably lead to addiction. I have a long history of addiction in my family, but also a long history of addicts just quitting on their own. I always figured that I could do what my relatives did. No luck so far.
I want to quit being an addict, while being able to use every day.
Perhaps it's because aside from the monetary costs I've had, I haven't really had any negatives associated with my addiction. Well, withdrawal, too, but the cure for that is well known!! Aside from that, my life just improves.
