Nuada Truthseeker
Bluelighter
*feel free to critique or comment*
What would you say if I told you I could remember the exact moment I burned out?
A lot of it is quite blurred, but, given the circumstances, that's completely understandable. It was some four months ago now. I was nowhere near sober, on what I will not say, and I was... well, what I was doing is not important, but I was enjoying myself immensely. The precise feeling is hazy, both from the intoxication, and what happened next. A sudden surge flowed through my body, turning my world white. In that moment, I learned what Heaven was. It's a pity I don't remember anymore. For the next several seconds, I was awestricken. I stopped what I was doing to physically reel from the blow. The person I was with asked me what was wrong. All I could tell them was that I had overloaded. After that, I couldn't tell you. I may have collapsed. I may have just withdrawn. I probably continued what I was doing as if nothing had happened. I was completely numb, inside and out, for several minutes. That I remember.
Since then, I have felt a wide range of emotions. Anger, Sorrow, Anxiety, Pain, Curiosity...
Since then... I have not, while sober, felt Joy. The closest I have come is Relief, like a weight lifted off of my chest or shoulders. I have laughed and smiled, but that is more a reaction to events than emotion.
Shortly afterward, I fell out of the relationship I was in. I haven't had another since. I've bought a new car, a fast one. The only time I've enjoyed driving it has been when I was in an altered state. I've missed nearly a third of my classes this semester, because I've been listless and lethargic. I have trouble waking up in the morning, because I don't want to face another day. This is the first time I've let anyone know what happened. This is all true.
I remember most clearly that flash of white. Because I have not been the same since.
What would you say?
What would you say if I told you I could remember the exact moment I burned out?
A lot of it is quite blurred, but, given the circumstances, that's completely understandable. It was some four months ago now. I was nowhere near sober, on what I will not say, and I was... well, what I was doing is not important, but I was enjoying myself immensely. The precise feeling is hazy, both from the intoxication, and what happened next. A sudden surge flowed through my body, turning my world white. In that moment, I learned what Heaven was. It's a pity I don't remember anymore. For the next several seconds, I was awestricken. I stopped what I was doing to physically reel from the blow. The person I was with asked me what was wrong. All I could tell them was that I had overloaded. After that, I couldn't tell you. I may have collapsed. I may have just withdrawn. I probably continued what I was doing as if nothing had happened. I was completely numb, inside and out, for several minutes. That I remember.
Since then, I have felt a wide range of emotions. Anger, Sorrow, Anxiety, Pain, Curiosity...
Since then... I have not, while sober, felt Joy. The closest I have come is Relief, like a weight lifted off of my chest or shoulders. I have laughed and smiled, but that is more a reaction to events than emotion.
Shortly afterward, I fell out of the relationship I was in. I haven't had another since. I've bought a new car, a fast one. The only time I've enjoyed driving it has been when I was in an altered state. I've missed nearly a third of my classes this semester, because I've been listless and lethargic. I have trouble waking up in the morning, because I don't want to face another day. This is the first time I've let anyone know what happened. This is all true.
I remember most clearly that flash of white. Because I have not been the same since.
What would you say?
