overdose

[LucieQuinn]

Two months ago my best friend died from an overdose of fentanyl.
We had been partying together all night and he asked to try some of what I had been doing for a while now. It was his first time. I gave him a small line on top of everything else he had been doing- cocaine, pills, alcohol- and it was too strong.
I woke up and found him laying wide eyed and dead beside me, mouth frothy.

My addiction went from bad to worse after that. Knowing my best friend was dead because of me, I numb myself each time i thought about him or missed him. I cant think about him. I cant believe this has happened. All i can do is more dope.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself for losing him and for him dying, I am happy for him. He is no longer in pain. He doesnt have to suffer anymore. He died happy and loved and in love.
Still, i had to lose him, and it was all my fault.
I have trouble sleeping at night.

 

[deficiT]

This is really tragic and I'm sorry this happened to you.

It will likely take some time, and a lot of work, but you have to find a way to forgive yourself.

 

[sekio]

Still, i had to lose him, and it was all my fault.

I know you feel responsible somehow but it wasn't like you were holding a gun to his head forcing him to do drugs. He did make the choice to use what he did.

That said there are a few lessons I would hope everyone takes away from this
1. always have a naloxone kit handy
2. educate yourself and your peers about safe drug use (avoiding combinations of opioids+depressants)
3. encourage using smaller doses rather than larger, you can always redose but can't "un-take" drugs
4. if your friend uses opioids/depressants, stay awake and watch them for an hour or two

 

[guy1234]

My best friend also died by my side while I was too fucked to realise. I was 20, he was 21

He also died because of some meph I gave him to mix with our shots of H

It still tears my insides nearly 8 years later every time I remember my boy. I dont know how you feel, but I know the degree to which you are feeling it and I am so truly truly sorry

I know you will think this is your fault on some level forever no matter what people tell you, no matter how much they try to rationalise to you that it was his choice and you didn't force him.

I know that this should feel like a wakeup call, like a non addict would ask you how you would touch the stuff after this. I know that in reality its going to get worse for some time at least because its all you have to cope

I know that being happy for him helps right now. Be prepared for other feelings and much harder perspectives on it to hit you with no warning

I know one day this won't feel any better but you will be better at handling the grief even if right now you don't think that is true

Chin up dude and a lot of love from the UK