betrayal is something i've experienced a lot as a child/teen. and it runs deep... my parents were never honest with me and when they divorced, my mom relied on my grandma to support the both of us so we lived with my moms family until i was 16. during those 6 years i went through a hell of verbal abuse and having been treated like a scapegoat. i made a thread a while ago in regards to this situation (http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/674576-Am-I-a-bad-daughter).... long story short, my mom suffered a stroke 2 years ago and that was when i discovered she had no status in canada for maybe the past 20 years (till this day no one knows why she didnt apply for status except for her, and she had no legitimate reason not to). and that explained a lot of things id found weird growing up... like why she never had a proper job to support us. anyways, the stroke, the lies that kept unraveling after the stroke.. all of it was a big pivotal moment in my life. my mom is living in a non profit care home now, and for the past year or so i completely started to focus on myself, and it's been hard for me to visit my mom at all because i dont think i am completely over it. as people have replied in the thread, it was sort of my way of taking care of myself.
in light of recent events of my relationship, having discovered my boyfriend had intentions of cheating with an escort, ive been thinking about betrayal a lot and despite that it's something people hear of often, ive been finding that not as many people share the experience of having been deeply betrayed as i thought. so its hard for me to talk to people about my upbringing and i have a fear of being judged for being selfish, or for being a bad person/daughter (not visiting my mom, not forgiving easily). when i open up to my boyfriend about it, he never says the right thing. and it's not really his fault for not completely understanding but it hurts to be told to suck it up or have him insinuate that when im confiding in him. it makes me feel weak and like my problem is insignificant. i know lots of people deal with much worse but im not saying i have it the worst. and acknowledging that or being told that doesnt make me feel any better at all. all my life ive been told by my family that im selfish (for god knows why) and that's the last thing i want to be. my moms family is no longer a part of my life, and my mom, i barely see her. i dont have much resentment towards my dad now even though he was also painted as the black sheep growing up, but i dont know why its hard for me to move past all of this with my mom and the way her family treated me. most days i dont think about it, because for the most part, it's in the past. but when my dad asks if i want to see my mom im on the fence. he doesnt understand how difficult it is for me to see her in the way she is, physically handicapped, while having to be reminded all of this. i was close with my mom growing up but i cant have the same relationship that i had with her before. i dont really know what to say to her. i hate pretending like im okay when im with her. i dont know what i'm supposed to do... or how to move on.
in light of recent events of my relationship, having discovered my boyfriend had intentions of cheating with an escort, ive been thinking about betrayal a lot and despite that it's something people hear of often, ive been finding that not as many people share the experience of having been deeply betrayed as i thought. so its hard for me to talk to people about my upbringing and i have a fear of being judged for being selfish, or for being a bad person/daughter (not visiting my mom, not forgiving easily). when i open up to my boyfriend about it, he never says the right thing. and it's not really his fault for not completely understanding but it hurts to be told to suck it up or have him insinuate that when im confiding in him. it makes me feel weak and like my problem is insignificant. i know lots of people deal with much worse but im not saying i have it the worst. and acknowledging that or being told that doesnt make me feel any better at all. all my life ive been told by my family that im selfish (for god knows why) and that's the last thing i want to be. my moms family is no longer a part of my life, and my mom, i barely see her. i dont have much resentment towards my dad now even though he was also painted as the black sheep growing up, but i dont know why its hard for me to move past all of this with my mom and the way her family treated me. most days i dont think about it, because for the most part, it's in the past. but when my dad asks if i want to see my mom im on the fence. he doesnt understand how difficult it is for me to see her in the way she is, physically handicapped, while having to be reminded all of this. i was close with my mom growing up but i cant have the same relationship that i had with her before. i dont really know what to say to her. i hate pretending like im okay when im with her. i dont know what i'm supposed to do... or how to move on.
I think what you need to focus more is yourself and your relationship with your mother