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Overcoming Fear

Middleway

Middleway

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 10, 2007
Messages
1,033
Location
Melbourne
I have crippling anxiety problems that have defied all attempts at psychiatric treatment. I am a highly analytical and logical kind of guy and for the most part have scorned anything that science can't explain.

I have still managed to live a pretty varied life in spite of my problems and I am getting to the point where I am now much more open to the spiritual dimension of my existence and am looking for other more esoteric approach's to help me overcome my affliction.

I have gained some great insight whilst on acid but have been unable to use it to quell my fears.. Fear of people mostly.
I am really shut off from all but close friends and I am scared at the direction that my life is going.
I want and need to change but even when I force myself to do something that scares the shit out of me, (attend classes, new job) the fear is still ever present and all consuming no matter how many months (or even years) go by.

I don't understand why I can't overcome this anxiety despite trying so hard. It must be psychological, what can I do to help myself?

Thanks
 
face your fears

then you see it's not as bad as you hyped it up to be

it's as simple as that imo

if neither that nor professional help work, well, sounds like you're SOL

also: competence breeds confidence
 
u have a bad case of social anxiety disorder. a lot of people would recommend meds like xanax, but im anti-meds. so the best advice that anyone can give u that'll truly benefit u, is to face ur fears like KamMoye said.

the more u face ur fears, the more it has a "callus" effect on u. if that doesnt work, then ur just gonna have to find a solution urself. thats what i did. i got myself out of my situation, with NO ONE to help me. it took a lot of experimenting. i read TONS of testimonies and solutions from people on the internet with similar problems. i've hit rock bottom to the point where i was ready to off myself, but i pulled myself back up.

my depression and my anxiety are now gone.

ill try to help as much as i could but ur gonna have to give me more detail on ur life
 
Meditation could help you. I'm saying could, cause there are certain things you need to realize for yourself, before it can help you. Firstly that it's not some magic, that you can do with the expectation of it fixing you. Basically the core of meditation practice is having no expectations. :)
I'm suggesting meditation, because that's what has helped me (and countless other people) not only in overcoming fears, but in many other aspects also.

http://www.physorg.com/news/2011-01-mindfulness-meditation-brain-weeks.html

Also first part of this movie (21 minutes or so) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbh5l0b2-0o
 
Middleway, I think this thread might fit TDS better than P&S. Let me know if you would like it moved there.

Desensitizing yourself by going into some of your more anxiety provoking situations does make some sense. If you could get a "coach" or a therapist to help you make plans about how long your initial exposures ought to be and ways to cope, it would likely help. There are many situations where meds alone are not the best approach.
 
Please refrain from posting internet meme type lulz in serious threads.~enki
 
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Middleway, I developed a horrible social anxiety after having a few drug induced psychotic episodes around 12 months ago, amidst the break up of a long term relationship.

I don't know what drugs you may be using, or how often, but my advice is steer clear of ALL drugs for at least a few months and I can guarantee that this will alleviate a lot of the anxiety. Amphetamines and psychedelics used in social situations will almost certainly feed your anxiety.
In fact I had never experienced the feeling of anxiety before I tried amphetamines.

I've tried valiums and they help, but after they wear off you can feel more anxious. I found the same with drinking after I sober up. Drinking in social situations is incredibly hard to resist because it dissolves a lot of the anxiety, and I ended up making a habit of this which was hard to kick and prolonged the anxiety.

I saw a counselor for around 10 sessions and a psychiatrist for 2. The counselor introduced me to 'mindfulness' meditation and attention focused meditation. You should check these out, they are really really helpful.

So my advice to you is to give the meditation a really good shot and to ease yourself into social situations by maybe hanging out with your best friends who you feel comfortable with and also a friend of theirs who you don't know too well. You could also try and get to know acquaintances a bit better. I think that would be easier than jumping into the deep end.

All the best to you, I hope you can break free of the cold grasp anxiety has over your life because I can totally empathise with how you are feeling.
 
Though I wouldn't say I had social anxiety disorder, I have a similar mind and used to face similar difficulties. Talking to strangers, talking to women, doing anything of relative importance to my life used to be pretty scary because there were so many variables and I knew there was no way I could control them all, and I thought that if something went wrong my whole life might be fucked.

The first thing to realize, for me and possibly you, is that shit happens, things go wrong in most every situation, and that's okay. It's not about whether things get messed up or flat out don't work at all, it's about whether you decide to keep pressing on, trying again, and venturing out of your comfort zone. It helped me a lot to be exposed to a friend-group that I would have otherwise never interacted with - they were younger than I, reckless, immature, and slapped things together out of nowhere, but they did meet with reasonable success at the things they tried to accomplish. This consisted of mostly parties and other social events, but it was a great experience for me to realize just what one could achieve amidst the chaos if one was determined enough.

I was also smoking quite a bit back then, so it left me all the more anxious and baffled at first. Now that I'm clean, though, I see it all with a little more clarity and confidence, and I can take my observations, integrate them into my normal worldview, and build something better for it.

My suggestion, if what I described above is too scary, is to take it in baby steps. Do something that you're not confident in, but not scared of, then once you've resolved that (resolve, not succeed at; as long as you become comfortable doing it), do another, until you can work your way up to the things that really scare you. I also heartily recommend physical exercise as a way of building your confidence; when your body feels good, your mind really does feel a bit better and it gives you more of a feeling of comfort and control in every situation. If you are currently using drugs, I recommend you stop, especially weed. If your mind is anything like mine, it probably does more harm than good. Finally, there is a certain amount of acceptance required of your own flawed, yet still beautiful, character, and the realization that being perfect just isn't what we are.

I also don't recommend medications as a permanent solution to any problem, despite the trend in psychiatry these days. It seems that psychiatrists just diagnose and prescribe/medicate to treat the symptoms and don't go through the counseling efforts to actually resolve the problem itself. There are exceptions, of course, like schizophrenia and such, but for something like SAD, they're really not necessary unless you are getting severe panic attacks, and even then only to calm you down.
 
Thanks for your replies.

I drink for the most part moderately and my only drug use is acid once or twice per year.

I wrote this very long post explaining my woes but I will just summarise.

I get profound shifts in mood in the time it takes me to write a reply on this thread. From utter despair to feeling quite ok.

This is all bullshit, I'm wasting your time and my own. This has been going on forever and i need to sort this shit out.
I posted in here because I was trying to look at it from an existential/spiritual side but the reality is that the time has come that I need to look at a big gun like lithium because I can not control this thing. Sometimes I get a handle on it but the first bump in the road sets me back to square one.
Thank you for your advice, I will consider it all.

Enki, I would prefer you to close this thread rather than move it at this point.
Thanks
 
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Don't think like you have to use a big gun like lithium forever after. You need stability and a temporary way to have some know is psych meds. Worrying about how things will work beyond getting some stability isn't important now. You will get better, your judgement will be better and you will feel better. It will be a good plateau from which to plan your next stage. Beast of luck.
 
big gun like lithium
Click to expand...
way to get anxious about a potential treatment :)

low doses of lithium don't require blood tests or anything else
... and may work very well
(well, i don't know about anxiety but i know about 300mg for depression)
 
try to find a friend with similar problems and go do scary shit together little by little.

one of the best bits of advice ive heard for guys who are scared of women, is to get a friend and make a game out of getting phone numbers. Or give your friend 50 bucks and he gives you a dollar back for every woman you start a conversation with.

Just take whatever you have trouble with and do something similar.
 
Actually transcending fear involves transcending time (which is one's own mind).

Your fear is of the direction your life is going -- where it's headed in the future, based on past projections.

These are always thoughts that come up about what doesn't actually exist -- the past (which is gone forever) and the future (which isn't here now, either).

Is it possible to see that these fears involve something that is conceptual, useful/handy in that realm, but never actually existing presently?

And then die to the mind of the past, as actually representing anything existent?
 
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Since Nardil helped you so much why not give it a second chance? If the weight was an issue then for the next 4 months work on losing weight, and then go back on the nardil and stay on a strict diet and exercise regime so u dont gain the weight back. Look into it.
 
for me, all it took was cutting out dairy products and meat completley, and slowly (quite fast really) things started getting better, its well worth it but quite difficult. Raw Vegan is the diet name, its quite extreme but is the only thing that has ever helped me regarding depression and anxiety. shockingly.
 
Unfortunately fear of people is logical. People can be scary and cruel beasts. Even when you face this fear with utmost ferocity some part of you is still afraid of the inevitable and never ending struggle out there...
 
Might seem odd to quote a sci-fi book (Dune, by Frank Herbert) but almost all buddhist/taoist/zen practise could be summarised as such:

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Click to expand...
 
Don't be stubborn.... There have been things I have deeply regretted, experiences I have missed out on for being stubborn. Allow life to teach you, accept things as they come, be open to new experience, love when you can it's good for you. Lastly, when you lose don't lose the lesson.

Most of that was a quote from some philosophical leader or the other.
 
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