I saw your location tag was CANADA. I knew it wasn't America, sadly.
I have a cough, headache, runny or stuffy nose, fatigue, confusion and this has been going on for 3 weeks and 2 days now.
"I don't meet testing criteria" and people WHO DO in my country are told "oh sorry there just aren't enough test kits".
I'm so glad Canada takes health SERIOUSLY. Because even if I don't care if I get sick and die it could impact OTHERS. And that you really SHOULD care about, for sure. I'm glad someone is getting testing somewhere.
You have no idea. I have been screaming and acting out in weird ways and my family can tell how bad this is for me and they're like "it's ok we can get you medicine" because they can tell something is NOT RIGHT with me, and they know I tried to go months w/o benzo use and it's just worn me down mentally into this amalgamated failure... and I'm still afraid because I don't want to have to talk to a new doctor, I don't want to have to go to the pharmacy, and part of me is afraid if I go back on benzos I'll never be "right". If a doctor does NOT give me the meds I KNOW I need I might also say something that will seriously disturb them to their core for the rest of their lives without thinking twice about it because I'm not trying to get HIGH on benzos they are MEDICINAL and MUCH NEEDED.
If I wanted to get high there's like EVERY option in the book for me. I want MENTAL STABILITY and whatever most people "get out of benzos" is like a joke to me. Medicinal relief -> sleep -> waking up happy BECAUSE THAT'S NORMAL and not severely fucked up from mental issues, depression, etc. So when doctors act like benzos are a big fucking deal I know THEY are the derelict drug user and they HATE themselves for it and project that shit onto me. GROSS. I've had VERY few psychiatrists really "understand" that this is JUST MEDICINE and I PREFER NOT BEING ON IT but that isn't healthy for me/others.
And even the "understanding" psychiatrists are like "oh you don't want to numb all your psychogenic pain with benzos indefinitely" ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I am NOT dealing with grief/loss in a healthy way and the pills aren't the problem the mental disorder is! Even if I hated someone if I knew they thought/felt the same way I did at times I'd prescribe them anything they know would work. People shouldn't have to feel *that bad*. It's just inhumane. I wouldn't wish my mental status on Trump, just covid 19 he seems to love fighting the war against so much. I want to see him fight the war. You know, because he was too RICH and SPOILED to fight Vietnam. And he jokes dodging STD's was his Vietnam?

So disrespectful to the veterans. So awful.
I still have like maybe a dozen hypnotic benzos and less than one bar of alprazolam. I am very sparing with the medication. YES I did TRY with my whole heart to get more before covid panic. I did.