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Our Memories Thread

For my Friend Rita

I remember seeing you try out for cheerleading, I remember your short hair, your confidence. It's hard in high school to make friends but you demanded it and always have. I don't exactly remember when we started hanging out so much but I'll never forget you yelling at me when I was learning how to drive, a year younger than me and frustrated. "WHAT are you doing?" You growling at me at your graduation party for coming down in a sweatshirt. Sneaking around to smoke cigarettes, pretending your parents room was our hotel room when they were out of town- the picture we took that made them hate me :p I remember going to the Jacuzzi, making up our own words to Greenday, getting new cars. I've always admired your ability to party and pull off a 4.0, your cokehead days, you screaming for sex, you waitressing, complaining about me, seeing you for the first time when I got back to town. Squinching our noses up, smoking bowls and laying in bed. Laughing when your mom said we were too old to sleep in the same bed together. Your honesty, your beauty, your fashion, your tears, your bitchiness, impatience, your omelettes in the morning. I always looked up to you in a certain way, I think it's because you always act like everythings together (and it usually is) you're in control and quite a show off.

You're engaged to be married now and last night I thought of all these things and how much I love you, how much I know you, how you feel like a childhood friend to me. I love that I can crack you with charm and you always respond. I hope I can still jump in bed with you and watch ConAir, smoke bowls and hear your advice whether I want to or not. My memories of you all these years have been warming me for the past few days and I want to make more..always. I'm glad you're in my life.
 
Kirby Park... Part II

I could type this whole day out, moment for moment, but all i can do is sigh...

I'll just remember it as the day i realized things are never going to be the way they were last year at this time. :(
 
You can scroll up this page a bit and read what alykitty wrote about our drive home from Atlanta that weekend. Lately though, all I've been able to think about was the morning before we left, still at Brian's house, still absorbed in our adventures and relationships. Quite a group of people that we had there that weekend, and it's amazing what things have changed and who hasn't.

I remember that morning, when I thought that I would be able to sleep a while. So I lay down next to Richard on the couch (or near the couch, small details). And every time that I opened my eyes I could see Josh on the sofa across from me, and I remember that he was wearing short sleeves and didn't have a blanket over him. His head was on one of those couch-pillows, couldn't have been too comfy. I have no clue how many times we peeked over at each other, more than a few and less than a hundred. What I am sure of (and what replays over and over in my head) is that every time our eyes met we smiled, and wiggled our fingers back and forth in a mini-wave, and he'd say "Hi Dagny," and I would say "Hi Spedly." On and on like this for hours, our three-word conversation never failed to produce a smile. To this day it still makes me smile.

Josh died a year ago today. When the clock hit 3 minutes past midnight I became aware of the date and it's significance. Maybe it's strange, but I haven't been able to stop smiling all day. Trust me - I haven't gone ten minutes without thinking of my angel, talked about him with different friends all afternoon, looked at pictures and anything I could think of just to hold on to him for a moment. Despite each memory and stray tear, the smile has stuck, along with a relentless optimism about my life.

When it comes down to it, no pain in this world can overshadow the fact that I was blessed enough to know that man. For a little while I had him in my life and am forever changed, I feel so sorry for the people who never got to hear him laugh. Josh made sure that no matter what has happened in the last 366 days, today I had a smile on my face and a good feeling about the world. He guaranteed that I would go through life knowing unconditional love. And it all goes back to something so simple as waving + saying hello across the living room.
 
One of my most vivid memories ever is on Sunday, Dec. 1 2002. MY heart was throbbing waiting in the parking lot of this huge scary place. I was with my mom and dad, who thankfully are the best parents on the face of this earth. They supported me...they did so much for me, they were with me on this day when i thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. The people at the gate told us we had to wait in the car for him...i couldn't understand this, but never the less we walked back to the car and sat.

Time seemed to drag...it was the longest 20 minutes of my life, or at least it felt like it was. I guess nothing could compare to the time i had waited for this day. 8 months to be exact. Did i think it would ever get here? Part of me did, the other part of me was too nervous, and busy and scared. But there we were, the day had come, and i was going to see his sweet face again.

I could see him walking, and i turned to my mom. Tears welled up in my eyes. "Do i run to him mom? or do i wait?" She looked at me..."Ange go!" I opened the car door and ran to him. I will never forget that moment. He picked me up like i was light as a feather, and twirled me around just like i had envisioned in my mind. I didn't know what to do with myself. I kissed him, i looked at him,and i studied how his face had changed since the last time i saw him.

That place was so scary, and i was so happy to just be in the car, free, Dave was free...and i felt like my heart was free. I curled up with him in the back seat. I felt so good...no words could even explain it.

Every now and then while Dave is sleeping, i'll face him and look at him, and study him, and see how his face has changed since that very day. I'll look at him and think to myself that i am so grateful those times are over with, so grateful that he is laying with me in OUR bed. I am so happy that my world revolves around him. He doesn't know about these times when all these thoughts rush into my head. I'll watch him just breathe, and listen to him make noises in his sleep, and i'll whisper in his ear "i love you honey", and i'll just thank god that i have him in my life.
:)
 
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Angelight, I can't imagine how awesome that day must have been for you... I can't wait until I have that same moment... althought I have quite a while to wait for it.

My memory is of July 15, 2002. This is the day that Kevin left for prison. We stayed up late the night before just talking and getting his things together. We finally went to bed and when we woke up on the 15th, things just seemed so surreal. We went downstairs and hung out with his family like it was any other day, except that we all knew that it was one of the toughest days we would ever face. We had to bring him to the Federal courthouse to turn him over to the marshalls at 2 pm. I will never forget the car ride there. We sat in the backseat and just held onto each other as tight as we could... never wanting to let go. I tried so hard not to cry, because I wanted to be strong for him, but I just couldn't do it. I broke down and his mom just kept handing me kleenex from the front seat. We finally got there and the marshall we had to give him to wasn't there yet, so we stood around and smoked cigarettes and just ooked at each other. When the marshall got there, he told Kevin it was time to go... that he needed to say his goodbyes. He hugged his mom, dad, and 2 sisters and told his cousin goodbye and then he turned to me. I will never forget us standing on the stairs of the courthouse. I just looked at him and felt like everything in the world was about to come to an end. He said "I'll call you when I get a phone. Stay strong. I love you." I kissed him and held on to him, but knew I had to let go. Then we stood there and watched him being escorted by 2 marshalls to the car. When they got to the car, they put him in handcuffs and helped him into the back of the car. The thing I remember most about this day is watching the car drive off. We were still just standing there and we all waved and Kevin raised his cuffed hands up and waved with 2 hands. And then he was gone...

July 15 made a year he was gone... it didn't pass fast or slow... it just passed. I saw him Saturday. Thursday he will be transferred to a Federal Prison Camp only an hour and a half away... right now he is 4 hours away.

Hopefully this thread will still be around when I can tell you about the best memory of my life... the one that is yet to come... the day when he gets out and we can finally start our life together AGAIN.
 
We create new memories with every breath that we take; with every face that we meet. Everything, to me, has an impact on my life, regardless of how insignificant it may be for someone else. Waking up in the morning and taking a big lung-full of fresh air is something to remember. It reminds me of my first roll sometimes. That night I realized how amazing it feels to be alive. I came out of my first drug experience that night with a whole new perspective of how things should be. A new taste in interests, a new image of how people can and should be. THe world really can be a beautiful place when we let it be just that. It's that simple.

I reflect back sometimes to the wonderful people that I've met on here and wish that I could just shake their hands one more time, or get that goodbye hug again. Looking back on what I just said, it's the little things that mean more to me than most. While you're usual, casual smile you share with everyone means nothing really to you than just courtesy, it means the world that it's been shared with me.

I'd just like to say thanks for the good times. Thanks for new knowledge that I hold dear. Thanks for giving me the pleasure of knowing you. Thanks for being my friends. Thanks.
 
Dirty memories...

The bus left at 2am, I have been to the bathroom at least 10 times, I know all my gear is going to be gone before the skyline comes into view. I eye the other passengers cautiously always fearing the worse. Last time I am going to the washroom, I swear. I double check my pockets: needle, dope, cotton, water bottle, spoon, lighter, Ok here I go. I am trying to kill this coke buzz that just wont leave my body. I sit down and start preperations, I rip open the wax paper wrap with my teeth and throw it down the toliet. Its 'stamp' staring up at me as the gritty dope enters the spoon. Squirt water, wheres my lighter, I immediately panic, I know I just had it, not in my pockets, wtf, ahhh score, why did I put it in my sock? The bus hits a bump and I watch in slomotin as the spoon jumps up off the table and lands spilling a drop or two, thank god. This is going to happen fast. Heat, cotton, suck, everything back in the pockets, sit down, I slide one sleeve of my long-sleeve T-shirt off and wrap it tightly around my arm. No viens are pop'n, I decide to tie off closer to my hand and 'old reliable' jumps up out of my skin as if begging for the crude concotion of heroin and Ice Mountain Spring water to be injected. Slides right through my skin like butter and registers a blob of blood, homerun. Double check by pulling the plunger back, yup, push it down. Ahhh, at this moment in my life I absolutely live for this moment. These quick few seconds of absolute eternal bliss which soon trails off as my eyes open, I feel the tightness in my lungs and gasp for a deep breath. Splash some water on my face and out the door and back to my seat. I begin re-reading some National Geographic Outdoor Adventure magazine I purchased before leaving, I dont have to bother writing about this in my journal because I have a feeling that I will remember this trip. Minutes later with the orange glow of the sunrise to our backs we come up to Chicago from the sourthern banks of Lake Michigan, some of the skyscrapers windows shine like diamonds on this summer morning. I raise my sunglasses to my eyes even though its practically dark on the bus and quitely whistle "Sweet Home Chicago" as I daydream what this day will bring...
 
^^^^ hey, you, the first bit is for you.

"Ahhh, at this moment in my life I absolutely live for this moment." I know what it's like to live in search of moments, especially ones like that. With drugs, without drugs, and on and on. There must be places where time is allowed to progress comfortably, I've seen glimpses and come across a few. (And then maybe you get bored, strike out again in search of poignancy, perhaps you'll find an easier way to search or a healthier adrenaline rush. :))

^^^ I remember figuring that part out for myself one night in Atlanta, sitting on dirty steps outside of a motel, smoking a cigarette with a friend and waiting on Griff to show up (cause the dirty bitch is always late). He asked me a question that I knew an answer to and didn't want to tell him. Didn't want to be the one who had to tell him. So I sat there ripped in half by my respect for him and my love for him, cause you can't always be honest and protect somebody at the same time. And I told him, knowing there was no way to stop him from feeling like he had a great journey ahead.

Then he and I figured out that there always have to be some folks out exploring new things and some coming home to rest, because the only way to survive is to keep moving forward. And if we all keep taking turns then time won't leave us behind. Go team. ;)
 
...well i thought i might share one with you all. i have been reading this thread for a while now. it is a bit jumpy but i really couldnt write to much about it without dredging up tears. i want to share a happy memory to. but another time.

In Memory...

11.40pm I went to sleep. My best friend Natasha left to go home twenty minutes ago but wanted to stay the night. Something inside me said no.

12.10am I awoke to a shattering of glass, an intense heat at my door and flames licking the roof. I sat there for a moment trying to grasp the reality of what was happening when the door fell open and flames at smoke filled the room. I ran through the house and dial 000 with nothing but a dressing gown over me to shield me from falling roof parts, screameing down the phone at the operator who wanted every detail, name, address, phone number etc. I watched everyone else scurry round picking up the kittens, cat and the four little kids there. I told the operator to hurry and hung up.

I ran through the house closing what doors didn’t crumble in my hand and what doors weren’t to hot to touch. I prayed that all the kids were outside. I started coughing and my eyes started stinging. It got harder and harder to breathe with every breath I took. As far as I knew everyone was outside except me and Ian who was waiting for me.

In what seemed like such along time Ian went and did one check of the back of the house to make sure everyone was out. I followed him as he wrapped his doonah around me to protect me more. Such fucking confusion and stress. I turned to see flames blocking the front door and stil no fire engines not that I would of heard them over the roar of the fire. Gas bottles exploded from the garage and I turned with fright loosing sight of Ian.

Suddenly I got dizzy and knelt down on the floor not knowing what to do. Feeling so disorientated I pulled the doonah up round my mouth and nose and began to cry. Hardly being able to breath from the smoke I felt like I was going to pass out. I sat there for wat seemd like such a long time but infact according to the police it was but a few minutes. I felt an arm pick me up off the ground and rush me outside to the ambulance. Ian was no where to be seen and I began to worry. He had only his pjs on and no doonah cause he gave that to me.

12.50am I stood outside and watched the flames lick each wall and move from room to room. Destroying all in its path. Including my friend. I hope he didn’t suffer. All I remember is the officer and fire man walking up to me asking me if I felt all right to identify a body. It was Ians. My worst fears concerned had become reality. Wheeled out on a cold table with a tarp over him I lifted it and the smell repulsed me. It was him. All I could do was break down and cry.

To this day those memories are still in my mind. The night of the fire. How I could of died. But instead of me ian gave me his doonah and put himself at risk. I hope he ddnt suffer. According to the police he died of smoke inhalation first. So he wouldn’t of felt any pain.

I would give anything to be able to forget this night. I would give anything to be able close my mind. Instead I live with a constant fear of fire. I cant go near open flames, bbqs or even have someone light a smoke for me. I cant play with a lighter. I cant watch fire twirlers unless I know them and their capabilities to be incontrol of the fire. I have had numbers of sleepless night and nightmares. To scared to sleep alone. To scared to dream. If I dream I dream of that night. It is an endless battle and osme days it is a good day and I don’t really think about it. Then some I cant get it out of my mind. Its been just over two years now but it still feels like yesterday...

*sighs* the good thing is that today I have friends that understand what I went through and support me. I get all the support I could ever wish for. I have harraser (who has become my Angel and my spirited wind beaneth my wings. Even though he doesn’t believe so) and to be my shoulder to cry on and help me sleep. Just holding me when I need it. He has become someone I trust, someone I can confide in and the only person whom I can stand near when he twirls his fire sticks. He is my best friend and I love him. If I could repay him and my friend in ways I wouldn’t know where to start.

I have numbers of friends who love me and what they do for me I cannot begin to say. But now I am filling my life with happy memories and trying to cancel out the one bad one that is plaguing my life.

It’s a long hard road to recovery. Some people think that getting over seeing some die in fire is easy. Loosing all your possessions and how lcose you came. the memory haunts you for ever...it isnt easy to fix memories and get over the. but all in good time.all in good time and in good time it will have to be.

So to all my friends and especially harraser who has had endless nights with my sleepless patterns, nightmares where I yell at him, emotional rollercosters, to you all I say a huge thank you for your friendship, your support and thank you for your love. You are a special person and I am so thankful to have you in my life.
 
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Happy memories of the Melbourne trip :)

I had travelled for almost 12 hours, to Melbourne via Kuala Lumpur (3 hour stopover) and was all apprehensive about getting out of immigration and meeting Fluffy for the first time. I haven't really slept a proper wink throughout the entire flight because there was a bit of turbulence, and I had gone to work hours before my first flight so I was pretty tired by the time I arrived in Melbourne.

Even then, nothing can beat my excitement and the moment when I saw fluffy, standing there waiting for me. Nothing can describe the feelings and emotions I was feeling when we hugged each other and kissed. The closest words would be pure joy.

Of course the highlights of the Melbourne trip were meeting Kitty, Jakoz and all at the different places; but the best memory was spending time with fluffy, talking about ourselves, our families, our hopes and fears. And knowing that what we have isn't just a passing interest. That it's for real.

Whenever I feel a little down, I just remember how it was like at that moment, when I got out of immigration, and we just held each other for what seemed like an eternity - that moment of bliss.
 
one of my best memories is of something that happened 6weeks ago.
It was a monday. I spent the whole weekend in tears after the guy i loved decided to break up and basically ripped my heart out. From the moment i got to uni i felt my spirits rise. I ran into a few mates i haven't seen in ages...that was sorta my fault since i hardly spent time at uni when i was with my ex.

my best mate (who i sorta had a crash on n who liked me) was supposed to meet me in a statistics lecture but he never showed. I was walkin to my next lecture n i suddenly ran into him. I was like "u in BIG trouble mister" he turned around n his face went from a frown :( to the biggest smile :D he put his arms around me picked me up and swung me around. I felt so safe and warm. We met up again for lunch that day. I met one of his friends and she was heaps nice. We didnt really eat much to preoccupied with talking to each other.

then it was time to go. I walked him to his motorbike. the weather was pretty gloomy by that stage. it started to rain and there we were just the 2 of us him gettin ready to ride off. I gave him this lil plush leopard i bought for him the previous week n he was suprised and sort of over the moon. He totally loved it. I put my hood on cos i was gettin way too wet for my liking. Gave him the biggest hug ever... just before he rode off he just stared at me for a while. Lookin straight into my eyes...I just wanted to kiss me...be in his arms and not let go.

then he rode off. I kept watching him till he disappeared in the distance.. i had the biggest smile on my face that nothing could wipe off. I felt like i was alive again.

that night he sms me sayin he couldnt get the image of me in the hood in the rain. I couldnt get the look he had in his eyes just before he left. Even thinkin about it now makes my heart flutter and gives me that warm fuzzy feeling deep inside *blush*

the next day he couldnt resist and kissed me. We've been together ever since. 6 wonderful weeks...few rough patches but not a single fight. he's the most important person in my life and when i'm down i get that memory into my head and it makes me happy :D so sweet and innocent...bit like puppy love hehe
 
E-girl that was wonderfull!

Halloween night, my first time on ecstasy. I took 2 Orange Omegas, the best pills around that area for a long time. First time, in a club also. What an experiance. I'll never forget the lights, the colors, the emotions that surrounded that night. Complete bliss, complete love, and the people were all great. Such a fun night. Needless to say, when I least expect it, I get a sea breeze from a club-goer and I was put into heaven. Great times!
 
watching 2001 with a friend, drinks at a cougar bar, watching limos arrive at the westin hotel across the way. i insisted we crash the wedding that was going on. we did. afterwards, down a hallway, we found a baby grand piano and he played my favorite songs for me, by ear as it snowed outside.

(okay, the wind was just blowing snow off the roof, but you get what i mean)
 
this thread has kind of died, so i'm going to unsticky it and start something new. but feel free to bump it up whenever you have a fond memory to post!! :)
 
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