drowningman
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2022
- Messages
- 28
Okay, I'll try to give as many details while still keeping it short as possible. Feel free to skip this first paragraph, it's just some background for reference. Hell, I guess the real pertinent information starts paragraph 3 or 4. So I've been abusing drugs since I was a young teen, basically over half my life, daily whenever possible. I've believed for a long time now that I have a natural tolerance to basically everything but psychedelics (even a couple hits of weed will render me nonfunctional). I stopped looking for enlightenment anyway, would rather feel good and escape. Not bragging, not proud of anything. As part of my self destructive nature, I've downed fifths of booze every night for, I don't know, months, and I am not a big guy. Tried most of the popular benzos, other misc pharms, was addicted to opi's for over a decade, never caught a nod no matter my tolerance or dosage. Figured heroin would be more cost efficient, though I did keep ONE vow, to never IV it, or anything else. Most underwhelming drug experience I had thus far lol, even after I finally "quit" opioids and dropped my tolly, smoking heroin couldn't even compare to vicodin from when I first started, and snorting never worked at all.
ANYWAY, so more recently, coke was the same disappointing story, what do people see in it? Until one day it wasn't disappointing. Still only feel true euphoria one out of five times or so, and only got super amped a couple, but I never thought stims could be my thing, and when it's good, it's good. Been depressed (more than usual) so why not try meth. Now, you might think I got some weak cut crystal, but others who know better than me can vouch for it. You can also say I smoked it wrong, and it took me 30-45 mins to practice but I figured it out lol.
So Thursday evening, around 5 or 6, I finally start getting some good hits, knowing it's strong and to use the smallest salt pinches or break off the smallest shards I can get away with, taking the most gentle and dainty hits. Again, and again, and again, and... I guess I'm feeling... something? So because I'm an impatient dumbass and I always have to go big I'm gonna chase this dragon all night. Instead of doing, maybe 0.1 tops, spread out in two or three hits all night if even necessary, I know I did at least around .25, hitting probably every hour or so until maybe 4am, sometimes two or three hits at a time. No rush to speak of, never doing more than maintaining the buzz those first couple hits gave me, which was more equivalent to the intensity of sipping a beer than even the weakest coke I've had.
I'm serious, the slightest, almost imperceptible shift in conciousness, no euphoria, no boost of energy. Not BAD, just comfortable, slightly more than being sober. Don't ask me why. Was yawning all night and could've literally went to sleep at any time but I wanted to keep trying, get my money's worth. I even CHOSE to eat a plate of food at 2am, and it still looked and smelled relatively appetizing! Eating any time after any coke is borderline unbearable.
So I call it a night and take my "last hit" about 10 different times, then just chill for an hour or whatever and finally go to bed as the sun comes up. I lay there for a while, and I can't remember if I dozed off for a minute but I get up to get a drink eventually and holy shit I swear all my blood goes to my ankles like never before in my life. Any buzz has pretty much passed, and still no signs of OD or overamping or any sweat or discomfort all night, only this, just now. For all my years of self-inflicted bodily harm, I'm really in DECENT health, relatively. Sure I shaved some years off, but never felt much more than groggy in the morning, except from booze, and when I really overdid coke, and that still never felt scary or possibly permanent. I even took my temp before I went to bed with the meth, just to be safe.
I try to hydrate sufficiently on coke but even when I don't, I'm okay. I admit I did not hydrate well at all last night, and while I hope it's that, I don't think it is. Wasn't retaining water last night or today, peed a few times and it's nice and clear. But I'm talking the moment I would stand up, my heart would go into overdrive and I'd fade clean out of consciousness in a matter of seconds if I stayed up. Seems like my lungs aren't shit today, I couldn't even suck up and hold a lungful in bed without things starting to fade which points to my heart as well. I wish I could tell you if I remembered if it was beating out of my chest for the approximate 10 hours all night, but I genuinely can't. So either the drug did one significant thing and numbed or distracted me from that, or if it was going crazy I feel like it couldn't have been as bad or noticeable as the couple times I was so coked out that I thought I'd never sleep again. I do remember a very slight, and very small but not concerning pain around there for no more than maybe 15-20 seconds at some point, same with a pain on the side of my head that came and went, just chalked it up to the nature of stims.
I still haven't slept since yesterday, I'm not having panic attacks or anything I've just been resting in bed and researching here and elsewhere, drinking Gatorade and water, a vitamin/weight gain shake, ate a yogurt and a sweet and salty nut bar. Took my pulse earlier and it was near but not above 100, but that was sitting up in bed, however things seem slightly improved. I can get up, even move around, still abnormally light-headed, but only feeling like I'm going to pass out if I stand up perfectly straight with my arms down. My shit just feels so weak, in a way that feels like it stems from my lungs and heart, despite no real pain or discomfort. Just feels off.
Shit this ended up being long, sorry. I know you'll tell me to go to the hospital, just looking for someone who might have some insight or a similar experience. I've read a few instances on here of drug induced orthostatic hypotension, but almost always while UNDER the influence, not following, and also while exhibiting other signs of OD or a panic attack. Just crazy to me that I'd feel so little physical or mental effects of the drug, let alone any actual danger signs, and possibly still do damage. Then again I've never felt like I got my ass kicked by a significantly harmful drug until cocaine, and I've seen you guys say meth comedown is a bigger bitch. So is this kind of to be expected recovery for a meth binge, or do you think I unknowingly strained my heart long and hard enough that I permanently fucked myself and altered my life after one night? Or maybe just gave it a heavy workout and it needs to recover...? Wishful thinking?
ANYWAY, so more recently, coke was the same disappointing story, what do people see in it? Until one day it wasn't disappointing. Still only feel true euphoria one out of five times or so, and only got super amped a couple, but I never thought stims could be my thing, and when it's good, it's good. Been depressed (more than usual) so why not try meth. Now, you might think I got some weak cut crystal, but others who know better than me can vouch for it. You can also say I smoked it wrong, and it took me 30-45 mins to practice but I figured it out lol.
So Thursday evening, around 5 or 6, I finally start getting some good hits, knowing it's strong and to use the smallest salt pinches or break off the smallest shards I can get away with, taking the most gentle and dainty hits. Again, and again, and again, and... I guess I'm feeling... something? So because I'm an impatient dumbass and I always have to go big I'm gonna chase this dragon all night. Instead of doing, maybe 0.1 tops, spread out in two or three hits all night if even necessary, I know I did at least around .25, hitting probably every hour or so until maybe 4am, sometimes two or three hits at a time. No rush to speak of, never doing more than maintaining the buzz those first couple hits gave me, which was more equivalent to the intensity of sipping a beer than even the weakest coke I've had.
I'm serious, the slightest, almost imperceptible shift in conciousness, no euphoria, no boost of energy. Not BAD, just comfortable, slightly more than being sober. Don't ask me why. Was yawning all night and could've literally went to sleep at any time but I wanted to keep trying, get my money's worth. I even CHOSE to eat a plate of food at 2am, and it still looked and smelled relatively appetizing! Eating any time after any coke is borderline unbearable.
So I call it a night and take my "last hit" about 10 different times, then just chill for an hour or whatever and finally go to bed as the sun comes up. I lay there for a while, and I can't remember if I dozed off for a minute but I get up to get a drink eventually and holy shit I swear all my blood goes to my ankles like never before in my life. Any buzz has pretty much passed, and still no signs of OD or overamping or any sweat or discomfort all night, only this, just now. For all my years of self-inflicted bodily harm, I'm really in DECENT health, relatively. Sure I shaved some years off, but never felt much more than groggy in the morning, except from booze, and when I really overdid coke, and that still never felt scary or possibly permanent. I even took my temp before I went to bed with the meth, just to be safe.
I try to hydrate sufficiently on coke but even when I don't, I'm okay. I admit I did not hydrate well at all last night, and while I hope it's that, I don't think it is. Wasn't retaining water last night or today, peed a few times and it's nice and clear. But I'm talking the moment I would stand up, my heart would go into overdrive and I'd fade clean out of consciousness in a matter of seconds if I stayed up. Seems like my lungs aren't shit today, I couldn't even suck up and hold a lungful in bed without things starting to fade which points to my heart as well. I wish I could tell you if I remembered if it was beating out of my chest for the approximate 10 hours all night, but I genuinely can't. So either the drug did one significant thing and numbed or distracted me from that, or if it was going crazy I feel like it couldn't have been as bad or noticeable as the couple times I was so coked out that I thought I'd never sleep again. I do remember a very slight, and very small but not concerning pain around there for no more than maybe 15-20 seconds at some point, same with a pain on the side of my head that came and went, just chalked it up to the nature of stims.
I still haven't slept since yesterday, I'm not having panic attacks or anything I've just been resting in bed and researching here and elsewhere, drinking Gatorade and water, a vitamin/weight gain shake, ate a yogurt and a sweet and salty nut bar. Took my pulse earlier and it was near but not above 100, but that was sitting up in bed, however things seem slightly improved. I can get up, even move around, still abnormally light-headed, but only feeling like I'm going to pass out if I stand up perfectly straight with my arms down. My shit just feels so weak, in a way that feels like it stems from my lungs and heart, despite no real pain or discomfort. Just feels off.
Shit this ended up being long, sorry. I know you'll tell me to go to the hospital, just looking for someone who might have some insight or a similar experience. I've read a few instances on here of drug induced orthostatic hypotension, but almost always while UNDER the influence, not following, and also while exhibiting other signs of OD or a panic attack. Just crazy to me that I'd feel so little physical or mental effects of the drug, let alone any actual danger signs, and possibly still do damage. Then again I've never felt like I got my ass kicked by a significantly harmful drug until cocaine, and I've seen you guys say meth comedown is a bigger bitch. So is this kind of to be expected recovery for a meth binge, or do you think I unknowingly strained my heart long and hard enough that I permanently fucked myself and altered my life after one night? Or maybe just gave it a heavy workout and it needs to recover...? Wishful thinking?
