chaosbydesign
Bluelighter
This experience was hands-down THE most intense experience I've ever had on cannabis to this day... and in some ways maybe even the most intense psychedelic experience at all that I've had.. simply because certain things in this thread (the 'alternate-realities, the delusions (paranoid and of grandeur) and all of the other crazy conspiracies my mind was coming up with at the time. 
During the trip, I wasn't sure how much I'd had but later found that I'd eaten about 7-10 grams of weed. He had wanted me to eat only half of it, but he "didn't get around to telling me" until I was already almost finished eating it.
This trip was strong for me because I'm already pretty sensitive to weed in the first place and tend to get more paranoid from it than most psychedelics, actually. This experience was really awesome though, looking back, even though it was pretty fucking scary at the time. I'm really glad I had this happen, even if it wasn't what I signed up for.. haha. The ideas discussed in this experience continue to make their way into my every day ideas, inspiring me furthermore!
***
I keep hearing in my head the last song on Are You Shpongled?, driving into the wilderness into the *official* "rainforest" on my author friend, DB's, turf. What a strange day it was. Just yesterday, I'd had a strange experience where I had truly believed something for a change, contrary to my usual "absent of opinions" standpoint. I'd discovered a mindstate where I'd felt like a key piece in some important, soon-to-unfold chain of events. I'd felt like an actual "intelligent being" who was that way for a reason, and who was going to join up with other likeminded souls and cause a major change in the world; a change that would work towards the positive, but that might bring major difficulties along the way. Perhaps we would even die in our efforts. Keep in mind that I didn't *believe* this, but was thinking about the possibility and what positive changes we might be able to make through our careers and roles in life.
When I ate the cannabis cookie, I wasn't expecting to have a more intense trip than most of my trips through actual psychedelics, but it was probably more affecting than most of those in a way. I may have not been as 'encompassed' or dreamy, but I think that's one of the main things that made it so difficult... along with the fact that I'm probably more prone to cannabis anxiety than I am to psychedelic anxiety. One of the first things I noticed was that I was having a lot of trouble communicating and I felt cooped up in the loft. I needed to go outside and have some fresh air, because I was getting anxious and even feeling a little sick. I felt such a strange energy in that house, and at some point told DB that I felt like I was there in that house for a definite reason... which DB confirmed for me by saying. He mentioned to me at one point that one of his ex girlfriends had actually gone through a psychotic break when she had eaten about half the amount that I did of one of these same cannabis cookies, which kind of freaked me out at the time because I was already feeling higher and more uncomfortable than I had from weed since the first time I ever got truly high at a guy's house I barely knew and threw up in his backyard (early 2008). I knew that I was in good hands as far as someone who would know what to do in a "crisis psychedelic situation", but I think that the fact that I knew I had a time limit and had to catch the train home for work the next morning really sent me into a sort of panic and influenced my thoughts significantly throughout this trip.
After going inside, I started thinking about my dreams and how I had been entertaining the idea that the dream world and the real world can merge into one when every possibility is unleashed. When a person wishes for something with such intent that it is practically dreamed up into existence. I'd felt like everything had been falling into place so perfectly lately, which actually kind of scared me because it made me think to myself, what if I want something not so good for other people and I get it? Then what? DB talked about telekinesis and some amazing things that people had been able to accomplish when they really believed they could accomplish them. I wondered whether someday the dream world and waking life would merge and I would be able to fly and move things around like I always do in my lucid dreams. Somehow, the possibility didn't seem very farfetched at all which was strange to me. It reminded me of the boundlessness that I had experienced the night before, only this time it made me kind of nervous. I was afraid that perhaps I was slipping into delusions of grandeur and wasn't used to "believing" anything in complete certainty. I talked to DB about how I finally understood my dad's fear of success, as I felt myself on the verge of a panic attack just thinking of how far I'd come and how I was in San Francisco at that time doing an internship. I wondered how in the world I had landed that opportunity in the first place, wondering whether or not I actually deserved it. I thought about how I had wanted to get involved in the psy scene more, and then had happened to walk into Synchronize and the first girl I had talked to ended up being super friendly, having a lot in common with me and even being a promoter at that. How I had been longing to become more involved with MAPS and then I'd made a good impression (as far as the MAPS internship submission selection process went), and had seemed to make a good impression on all the people I met when it came to my career at the time. How Frank Zappa had even sung about San Francisco and I had felt a certain significance surrounding the "HOW I LOVE YOU FRISCO!" part of Who Needs the Peace Corps, listening to the albums on the bus in 8th grade. [[[Everything seemed to fit together so perfectly!!!]]]
I told DB that one of the reasons I feared success was because I was afraid that I might end up taking advantage of people or influencing people negatively. I was worried, thinking about my human desire for power. He told me that I must have a pure heart, and I remembered the experience I'd had the day before where I'd felt like I had been chosen (for that group of important people). I thought to myself similarly to how I did in that experience I'd had the night before; that maybe I was chosen for something; that I could play an important part in a peculiar event in history... perhaps a revolution of sorts... And in that case, I then thought that maybe my supposed "pure heart" would be a key redeeming characteristic of mine. Maybe I would be the one to merge the two realities and bring about the next level of consciousness. I then thought back to the lyrics of my song 'My Cosmic Colleague': "Why not fly high? Give forth the dreaming! Those souls below, hand them the keys." and something about that coincidence just amazed me at the time. I thought to myself that I needed to catch myself, or else I would start having *real* delusions of grandeur; ones where I might not be able to tell the difference between the rational and irrational thoughts. This scared me because I was afraid that I was becoming genuinely delusional; either that or something really HUGE was happening!.. I kind of knew that I *shouldn't* be feeling that way, so I figured that no matter what, I shouldn't be doing this particular drug in as high of a dose as it was obviously bad for me if it caused me to think that way. Now the question was just whether I would get through it and move past it, or whether something bad would actually happen.
I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander as I pondered whether or not I was the kind of person who actually could become addicted to power once I really got on the road to achieving the things I wanted and whether or not I would be able to control myself. I scared myself when the thought crossed my mind that if I were more unevolved and unempathetic, I could probably be the kind of person who would really get a kick out of being a dictator of a huge group of people, turning the whole world into a social experiment. But the thing is, I despise politicians and "the men behind the curtains"; the people who turn the world into their stage. So this was very contradictory to what I truly believe in for the goodness of this world. However, I became kind of scared of myself at this prospect. What if that was what I'd end up doing, rather than something good? At this point, I was getting full-on open-eye visuals, more intensely than I ever even have from a serotonergic psychedelic. Everything had strange jagged edges and was flowing as if it made up a huge puzzle. The way the jagged edges moved reminded me of those schizophrenic cat drawings. There were also times where everything looked like a painting. When I went to the bathroom, I was afraid that I would lose my way back as everything was just so foreign and confusing to me. It reminded me of what my boyfriend D had told me about getting lost in his own house on an L-toid. DB gave me some of his books, and I became fixated on one of them called 'Virus'. It had to do with something about an alien species who had somehow implanted an incurable, hallucinogenic virus into human beings, and "all it took was one kiss". I remembered a dream I'd had where I had kissed a clown that was hiding in a closet, and felt very blessed and psychedelic when I did so. However, the dream kind of also scared the fuck out of me, and after I woke up I almost felt shame for kissing this clown. Somehow, I related this to the book and I was convinced (from the trippy part of my mind,at least... that TINY string of "rationale" still remained intact but it was close to breaking) that I had possibly been dosed in a very damaging way by the government through psychedelics and the dream was telling me so. I had told DB about Farmer's Market (online vendor that bias since been shut down) and he seemed very sketched out by the fact that illegal things could be ordered online. He even mentioned the opiate analog that some people had ended up getting Parkinson's through using. Because he'd seemed skeptical and mentioned that horrible happening, I guess that I started to get scared over this concept too.
I then wondered whether or not the CIA might be controlling Farmer's Market; perhaps they were adding damaging chemicals in with the psychedelics we ordered online. I remembered the time that I had felt suicidal on MDMA with D (looking back, this was probably because we took shitty stuff and a low dose). DB said something about being careful about MDMA, which led me to believe that there was some sort of MDMA conspiracy where there was a bad batch of MDMA going around that could cause brain damage and even kill people (or lead them to want to kill themselves, more so). I started wondering whether D had contracted some sort of horrible anxiety and was prone towards using MDMA (he had been collecting a LOT of it lately and I wasn't sure why) because somewhere he unconsciously knew that it would help lead to his death, which he wanted because he was so depressed. I felt like I had to talk to D right away and prevent him from taking MDMA, or else he would end up committing suicide when he took it and I might too. I also thought about what it would be like to be delusional and homicidal, to justify killing another person due to having some strange delusions and acting upon them. I felt like I actually understood this, and it scared me beyond belief. I started wondering whether or not I was really a good person, or whether maybe instead of being part of something heroic in history, maybe I was something a lot worse such as Manson's reincarnate!
...When we talked about MAPS again, I began to wonder whether MAPS had too (or might be sometime) turned into something corrupt with very alternate intentions. I wondered if the CIA had gotten in with MAPS too, or planned to, and whether all the people who use psychedelics positively were pretty much doomed and being pulled on strings by something much bigger; a shadow lurking that we could not yet see the true effects of. I wished that I could text D, but I had no reception. With my mind on text messages, I wondered if the government could even be changing every single sent text message or message sent over the internet from one person to another, creating strange miscommunications that would lead to people being in certain places at certain times in order to have certain people to be caught or trapped, killed, or put into concentration camps.
When I went in to DB's bathroom and noticed how there were no shades on the windows, I thought of the book, Acid Dreams and how there had been a house where people would trip and members of the CIA would watch them through mirrors/windows. Back to the idea of being controlled through being dosed by the government, I started thinking about the internet and whether or not it is also used to manipulate people on a large scale.
Positive stuff: I thought of how Timothy Leary had said that the internet was the next frontier of human consciousness, and thought to myself that the reason for this was that likeminded people could find one another, connect and create wonderful ideas that way, leading to an overall evolutionary progress in humanity. I somehow got this strange abstract idea in my head of a new form of human reproduction where a person's soul would exit from their head/neck (something having to do with the strange feeling I used to get in my throat/head when I was little), and then be implanted into another person's brain in order to create some sort of super-intelligent being. I felt this strange physical feeling so strongly.
I thought to myself that if I was part of a special group that would go down in history, that perhaps my boyfriend D would be able to ground me and that he would be a big part of it too. After all, I had been led over to his house for a reason. I thought back to the time I tried mescaline for the first time, and saw it as a sort of initiatory process into this group (don't ask me what kind of 'group' I was thinking. However, I was unsure as to whether this was a good thing or whether it was when the "virus" had been introduced unto me and I was doomed. I wondered how I had not seen it before when I'd taken it, and thought more about dark things like murder and suicide.
I think that the concept that was in my head was this as a whole: Psychedelic things in general were being infiltrated by the government, as people who used psychedelics were being targeted. Farmer's Market was really run by the CIA, and they were trying to get a good reputation for a while by giving out good things, but then would start poisoning the psychedelics (if they hadn't already) with something that would cause a horrible, delusional mental illness that would cause people to either kill themselves or hurt/murder others. (Or at least leave them "batshit crazy", as D would say.) D was prone to using MDMA because he had already been introduced to this mindset as he had been dosed by the CIA, and so he was planning on using it more, subconsciously knowing that he didn't want to be on this earth any more. I was convinced that I shouldn't use psychedelics and D should certainly not use MDMA or try to use it with me when he came here to visit. And on top of all this, all signs seemed to be pointing to my imminent death and I kept having visions of car crashes as I had to drive out soon and get on the bus, and it was raining. I really felt like I shouldn't be driving back at that time; I think I honestly felt like we would be in a car crash or I would die somehow. I once again felt a weird feeling in my throat and it made me think of a piece of metal being stuck through my neck/throat due to being smashed inside a vehicle as it crashed. I seemed to be able to "foresee" this and it seemed so real to me... real enough that I decided to spend the night and take the bus home in the morning, even though I had work to deal with. After I decided this, I actually felt a lot better, though still very shaken by all of these strange possibilities and not sure exactly what to believe. Even though I felt like I could barely find my way around the house, I was able to maintain some very small shard of rationale throughout this whole thing and at least control myself. I tried not to talk about many of these things at all to DB, because I somehow knew that would just make things worse. I didn't want him to feel like he had caused any sort of problem. I knew that I would get through it better if I just tried to minimize the problems, even if I wasn't consciously thinking these things at the time. I eventually fell asleep and when I woke up, I still felt very shaken and very sleepy but at least capable of navigating my way home.
Everything after that worked out, and I've had a very strange feeling ever since having this experience, but I'm definitely glad that I had it because it's given me a lot of interesting ideas and food for thought.
I feel that throughout this entire experience no mater how racing my thoughts were, there was (some( part of my mind that remained intact and prevented me from acting on any of these strange paranoias. But this was certainly a ride! I've been using some of these trippy contepts for political psi/psy fi novel ideas actually. :D
ALSO: I COMPLETELY SUPPORT MAPS, BY THE WAY... I want to psychedelic research as a career, and MAPS funds that research! So that's why these MAPS conspiracies my crazy canna-tripping mind had thought up were so interesting... hehe..
During the trip, I wasn't sure how much I'd had but later found that I'd eaten about 7-10 grams of weed. He had wanted me to eat only half of it, but he "didn't get around to telling me" until I was already almost finished eating it.
This trip was strong for me because I'm already pretty sensitive to weed in the first place and tend to get more paranoid from it than most psychedelics, actually. This experience was really awesome though, looking back, even though it was pretty fucking scary at the time. I'm really glad I had this happen, even if it wasn't what I signed up for.. haha. The ideas discussed in this experience continue to make their way into my every day ideas, inspiring me furthermore!
***
I keep hearing in my head the last song on Are You Shpongled?, driving into the wilderness into the *official* "rainforest" on my author friend, DB's, turf. What a strange day it was. Just yesterday, I'd had a strange experience where I had truly believed something for a change, contrary to my usual "absent of opinions" standpoint. I'd discovered a mindstate where I'd felt like a key piece in some important, soon-to-unfold chain of events. I'd felt like an actual "intelligent being" who was that way for a reason, and who was going to join up with other likeminded souls and cause a major change in the world; a change that would work towards the positive, but that might bring major difficulties along the way. Perhaps we would even die in our efforts. Keep in mind that I didn't *believe* this, but was thinking about the possibility and what positive changes we might be able to make through our careers and roles in life.
When I ate the cannabis cookie, I wasn't expecting to have a more intense trip than most of my trips through actual psychedelics, but it was probably more affecting than most of those in a way. I may have not been as 'encompassed' or dreamy, but I think that's one of the main things that made it so difficult... along with the fact that I'm probably more prone to cannabis anxiety than I am to psychedelic anxiety. One of the first things I noticed was that I was having a lot of trouble communicating and I felt cooped up in the loft. I needed to go outside and have some fresh air, because I was getting anxious and even feeling a little sick. I felt such a strange energy in that house, and at some point told DB that I felt like I was there in that house for a definite reason... which DB confirmed for me by saying. He mentioned to me at one point that one of his ex girlfriends had actually gone through a psychotic break when she had eaten about half the amount that I did of one of these same cannabis cookies, which kind of freaked me out at the time because I was already feeling higher and more uncomfortable than I had from weed since the first time I ever got truly high at a guy's house I barely knew and threw up in his backyard (early 2008). I knew that I was in good hands as far as someone who would know what to do in a "crisis psychedelic situation", but I think that the fact that I knew I had a time limit and had to catch the train home for work the next morning really sent me into a sort of panic and influenced my thoughts significantly throughout this trip.
After going inside, I started thinking about my dreams and how I had been entertaining the idea that the dream world and the real world can merge into one when every possibility is unleashed. When a person wishes for something with such intent that it is practically dreamed up into existence. I'd felt like everything had been falling into place so perfectly lately, which actually kind of scared me because it made me think to myself, what if I want something not so good for other people and I get it? Then what? DB talked about telekinesis and some amazing things that people had been able to accomplish when they really believed they could accomplish them. I wondered whether someday the dream world and waking life would merge and I would be able to fly and move things around like I always do in my lucid dreams. Somehow, the possibility didn't seem very farfetched at all which was strange to me. It reminded me of the boundlessness that I had experienced the night before, only this time it made me kind of nervous. I was afraid that perhaps I was slipping into delusions of grandeur and wasn't used to "believing" anything in complete certainty. I talked to DB about how I finally understood my dad's fear of success, as I felt myself on the verge of a panic attack just thinking of how far I'd come and how I was in San Francisco at that time doing an internship. I wondered how in the world I had landed that opportunity in the first place, wondering whether or not I actually deserved it. I thought about how I had wanted to get involved in the psy scene more, and then had happened to walk into Synchronize and the first girl I had talked to ended up being super friendly, having a lot in common with me and even being a promoter at that. How I had been longing to become more involved with MAPS and then I'd made a good impression (as far as the MAPS internship submission selection process went), and had seemed to make a good impression on all the people I met when it came to my career at the time. How Frank Zappa had even sung about San Francisco and I had felt a certain significance surrounding the "HOW I LOVE YOU FRISCO!" part of Who Needs the Peace Corps, listening to the albums on the bus in 8th grade. [[[Everything seemed to fit together so perfectly!!!]]]
I told DB that one of the reasons I feared success was because I was afraid that I might end up taking advantage of people or influencing people negatively. I was worried, thinking about my human desire for power. He told me that I must have a pure heart, and I remembered the experience I'd had the day before where I'd felt like I had been chosen (for that group of important people). I thought to myself similarly to how I did in that experience I'd had the night before; that maybe I was chosen for something; that I could play an important part in a peculiar event in history... perhaps a revolution of sorts... And in that case, I then thought that maybe my supposed "pure heart" would be a key redeeming characteristic of mine. Maybe I would be the one to merge the two realities and bring about the next level of consciousness. I then thought back to the lyrics of my song 'My Cosmic Colleague': "Why not fly high? Give forth the dreaming! Those souls below, hand them the keys." and something about that coincidence just amazed me at the time. I thought to myself that I needed to catch myself, or else I would start having *real* delusions of grandeur; ones where I might not be able to tell the difference between the rational and irrational thoughts. This scared me because I was afraid that I was becoming genuinely delusional; either that or something really HUGE was happening!.. I kind of knew that I *shouldn't* be feeling that way, so I figured that no matter what, I shouldn't be doing this particular drug in as high of a dose as it was obviously bad for me if it caused me to think that way. Now the question was just whether I would get through it and move past it, or whether something bad would actually happen.
I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander as I pondered whether or not I was the kind of person who actually could become addicted to power once I really got on the road to achieving the things I wanted and whether or not I would be able to control myself. I scared myself when the thought crossed my mind that if I were more unevolved and unempathetic, I could probably be the kind of person who would really get a kick out of being a dictator of a huge group of people, turning the whole world into a social experiment. But the thing is, I despise politicians and "the men behind the curtains"; the people who turn the world into their stage. So this was very contradictory to what I truly believe in for the goodness of this world. However, I became kind of scared of myself at this prospect. What if that was what I'd end up doing, rather than something good? At this point, I was getting full-on open-eye visuals, more intensely than I ever even have from a serotonergic psychedelic. Everything had strange jagged edges and was flowing as if it made up a huge puzzle. The way the jagged edges moved reminded me of those schizophrenic cat drawings. There were also times where everything looked like a painting. When I went to the bathroom, I was afraid that I would lose my way back as everything was just so foreign and confusing to me. It reminded me of what my boyfriend D had told me about getting lost in his own house on an L-toid. DB gave me some of his books, and I became fixated on one of them called 'Virus'. It had to do with something about an alien species who had somehow implanted an incurable, hallucinogenic virus into human beings, and "all it took was one kiss". I remembered a dream I'd had where I had kissed a clown that was hiding in a closet, and felt very blessed and psychedelic when I did so. However, the dream kind of also scared the fuck out of me, and after I woke up I almost felt shame for kissing this clown. Somehow, I related this to the book and I was convinced (from the trippy part of my mind,at least... that TINY string of "rationale" still remained intact but it was close to breaking) that I had possibly been dosed in a very damaging way by the government through psychedelics and the dream was telling me so. I had told DB about Farmer's Market (online vendor that bias since been shut down) and he seemed very sketched out by the fact that illegal things could be ordered online. He even mentioned the opiate analog that some people had ended up getting Parkinson's through using. Because he'd seemed skeptical and mentioned that horrible happening, I guess that I started to get scared over this concept too.
I then wondered whether or not the CIA might be controlling Farmer's Market; perhaps they were adding damaging chemicals in with the psychedelics we ordered online. I remembered the time that I had felt suicidal on MDMA with D (looking back, this was probably because we took shitty stuff and a low dose). DB said something about being careful about MDMA, which led me to believe that there was some sort of MDMA conspiracy where there was a bad batch of MDMA going around that could cause brain damage and even kill people (or lead them to want to kill themselves, more so). I started wondering whether D had contracted some sort of horrible anxiety and was prone towards using MDMA (he had been collecting a LOT of it lately and I wasn't sure why) because somewhere he unconsciously knew that it would help lead to his death, which he wanted because he was so depressed. I felt like I had to talk to D right away and prevent him from taking MDMA, or else he would end up committing suicide when he took it and I might too. I also thought about what it would be like to be delusional and homicidal, to justify killing another person due to having some strange delusions and acting upon them. I felt like I actually understood this, and it scared me beyond belief. I started wondering whether or not I was really a good person, or whether maybe instead of being part of something heroic in history, maybe I was something a lot worse such as Manson's reincarnate!
...When we talked about MAPS again, I began to wonder whether MAPS had too (or might be sometime) turned into something corrupt with very alternate intentions. I wondered if the CIA had gotten in with MAPS too, or planned to, and whether all the people who use psychedelics positively were pretty much doomed and being pulled on strings by something much bigger; a shadow lurking that we could not yet see the true effects of. I wished that I could text D, but I had no reception. With my mind on text messages, I wondered if the government could even be changing every single sent text message or message sent over the internet from one person to another, creating strange miscommunications that would lead to people being in certain places at certain times in order to have certain people to be caught or trapped, killed, or put into concentration camps.
When I went in to DB's bathroom and noticed how there were no shades on the windows, I thought of the book, Acid Dreams and how there had been a house where people would trip and members of the CIA would watch them through mirrors/windows. Back to the idea of being controlled through being dosed by the government, I started thinking about the internet and whether or not it is also used to manipulate people on a large scale.
Positive stuff: I thought of how Timothy Leary had said that the internet was the next frontier of human consciousness, and thought to myself that the reason for this was that likeminded people could find one another, connect and create wonderful ideas that way, leading to an overall evolutionary progress in humanity. I somehow got this strange abstract idea in my head of a new form of human reproduction where a person's soul would exit from their head/neck (something having to do with the strange feeling I used to get in my throat/head when I was little), and then be implanted into another person's brain in order to create some sort of super-intelligent being. I felt this strange physical feeling so strongly.
I thought to myself that if I was part of a special group that would go down in history, that perhaps my boyfriend D would be able to ground me and that he would be a big part of it too. After all, I had been led over to his house for a reason. I thought back to the time I tried mescaline for the first time, and saw it as a sort of initiatory process into this group (don't ask me what kind of 'group' I was thinking. However, I was unsure as to whether this was a good thing or whether it was when the "virus" had been introduced unto me and I was doomed. I wondered how I had not seen it before when I'd taken it, and thought more about dark things like murder and suicide.
I think that the concept that was in my head was this as a whole: Psychedelic things in general were being infiltrated by the government, as people who used psychedelics were being targeted. Farmer's Market was really run by the CIA, and they were trying to get a good reputation for a while by giving out good things, but then would start poisoning the psychedelics (if they hadn't already) with something that would cause a horrible, delusional mental illness that would cause people to either kill themselves or hurt/murder others. (Or at least leave them "batshit crazy", as D would say.) D was prone to using MDMA because he had already been introduced to this mindset as he had been dosed by the CIA, and so he was planning on using it more, subconsciously knowing that he didn't want to be on this earth any more. I was convinced that I shouldn't use psychedelics and D should certainly not use MDMA or try to use it with me when he came here to visit. And on top of all this, all signs seemed to be pointing to my imminent death and I kept having visions of car crashes as I had to drive out soon and get on the bus, and it was raining. I really felt like I shouldn't be driving back at that time; I think I honestly felt like we would be in a car crash or I would die somehow. I once again felt a weird feeling in my throat and it made me think of a piece of metal being stuck through my neck/throat due to being smashed inside a vehicle as it crashed. I seemed to be able to "foresee" this and it seemed so real to me... real enough that I decided to spend the night and take the bus home in the morning, even though I had work to deal with. After I decided this, I actually felt a lot better, though still very shaken by all of these strange possibilities and not sure exactly what to believe. Even though I felt like I could barely find my way around the house, I was able to maintain some very small shard of rationale throughout this whole thing and at least control myself. I tried not to talk about many of these things at all to DB, because I somehow knew that would just make things worse. I didn't want him to feel like he had caused any sort of problem. I knew that I would get through it better if I just tried to minimize the problems, even if I wasn't consciously thinking these things at the time. I eventually fell asleep and when I woke up, I still felt very shaken and very sleepy but at least capable of navigating my way home.
Everything after that worked out, and I've had a very strange feeling ever since having this experience, but I'm definitely glad that I had it because it's given me a lot of interesting ideas and food for thought.
I feel that throughout this entire experience no mater how racing my thoughts were, there was (some( part of my mind that remained intact and prevented me from acting on any of these strange paranoias. But this was certainly a ride! I've been using some of these trippy contepts for political psi/psy fi novel ideas actually. :D
ALSO: I COMPLETELY SUPPORT MAPS, BY THE WAY... I want to psychedelic research as a career, and MAPS funds that research! So that's why these MAPS conspiracies my crazy canna-tripping mind had thought up were so interesting... hehe..
