Below is a response to an email I sent to my girl after she decided that my 'relapse' was too much for her to handle.
Her responses are in blue
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Give Sammy a hug for me. (I will)
Don't think for a minute that I don't love you and I miss you. (I know and I do too.)
Yes, I'm selfish. Yes, shaman has a bum rap because of me. (Agreed, but all in all you're a good doggie daddy.)
Your the ONLY person that I even thought of marrying. (That warms my heart and just so you know, I would have....) That's big. Did I fuck up? 100 percent. I can't do this myself so ill be getting help. Will it work? Don't know....(I hope so)
I would have liked to see you but you confuse me. I thought you were done with me. (I am, i have to be) I can't figure out what you want (in my life or out?) (I just keep thinking I want to see him one more time). We can never be friends. (I know) The thought of you looking at someone else with love in your eyes kills me
Thanks for trying to help but its all up to me. (I realize that now)
Remember that you left this time. (I had to, didn't want to and your decision made me) My problem was fixable. (no guarantee on that one, you know that)
I always wanted to be someones 'ideal'. I don't think I would have ever been your ideal but I was happy with you and still completely in love with you ( I was so happy with you too and you could of been my ideal...we had a few obstacles to go thru yet..and i think they would of been fine. If I could take my jeffrey minus the addictive personality, then yes I would have my ideal)
Be happy (you too sweetie...and healthy)
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Her and I had something special. I just don't understand. She said she would have married me if I asked. Marriage to me is a BIG DEAL. I'm 38 and never met someone that inspired me to consider such a huge commitment. She was the one I have been searching for and she was the answer to my quest for happiness. How can she be willing to marry and then turn away from me so easily?
I then sent the following. Do I make valid points? I sent this on 06-14-09. She wrote back saying she would respond. She said she wrote three drafts but I haven't heard from her since.
Input would be greatly appreciated.
--------------------------------
I don't even wipe tears from my face. They feel nice. I guess because it rarely happens, I want to experience them.
Michelle, we belong together. No one is perfect. If I could take it back I would but I can't.
When I get better, would you consider (in time) having the real me in your life?
Everyone has personality flaws. Mine is "an addictive personality". That's treatable but EVERYONE has something that hides in the back of their lives. My problem is EASY compared to many.
I miss my Michelle. I miss the kids. I miss Samster. I miss that look in your eyes and that feeling I get hugging you. Why does it have to be like this?
Is our 'team' that bad?
I just miss you
--------------------
Thanks everyone
Her responses are in blue
-------------------------------
Give Sammy a hug for me. (I will)
Don't think for a minute that I don't love you and I miss you. (I know and I do too.)
Yes, I'm selfish. Yes, shaman has a bum rap because of me. (Agreed, but all in all you're a good doggie daddy.)
Your the ONLY person that I even thought of marrying. (That warms my heart and just so you know, I would have....) That's big. Did I fuck up? 100 percent. I can't do this myself so ill be getting help. Will it work? Don't know....(I hope so)
I would have liked to see you but you confuse me. I thought you were done with me. (I am, i have to be) I can't figure out what you want (in my life or out?) (I just keep thinking I want to see him one more time). We can never be friends. (I know) The thought of you looking at someone else with love in your eyes kills me
Thanks for trying to help but its all up to me. (I realize that now)
Remember that you left this time. (I had to, didn't want to and your decision made me) My problem was fixable. (no guarantee on that one, you know that)
I always wanted to be someones 'ideal'. I don't think I would have ever been your ideal but I was happy with you and still completely in love with you ( I was so happy with you too and you could of been my ideal...we had a few obstacles to go thru yet..and i think they would of been fine. If I could take my jeffrey minus the addictive personality, then yes I would have my ideal)
Be happy (you too sweetie...and healthy)
--------------------------------
Her and I had something special. I just don't understand. She said she would have married me if I asked. Marriage to me is a BIG DEAL. I'm 38 and never met someone that inspired me to consider such a huge commitment. She was the one I have been searching for and she was the answer to my quest for happiness. How can she be willing to marry and then turn away from me so easily?
I then sent the following. Do I make valid points? I sent this on 06-14-09. She wrote back saying she would respond. She said she wrote three drafts but I haven't heard from her since.
Input would be greatly appreciated.
--------------------------------
I don't even wipe tears from my face. They feel nice. I guess because it rarely happens, I want to experience them.
Michelle, we belong together. No one is perfect. If I could take it back I would but I can't.
When I get better, would you consider (in time) having the real me in your life?
Everyone has personality flaws. Mine is "an addictive personality". That's treatable but EVERYONE has something that hides in the back of their lives. My problem is EASY compared to many.
I miss my Michelle. I miss the kids. I miss Samster. I miss that look in your eyes and that feeling I get hugging you. Why does it have to be like this?
Is our 'team' that bad?
I just miss you
--------------------
Thanks everyone