Opiates WD vs Me

[timemonkey]

Well, the time has finally come for me to turn towards the light. Today was my first attept at trying to clean up from dope. However, after about 24 hrs i just couldnt take it anymore and i went out and bought a cap, so back to square one. I'm going for round two tomorro, but this time im going to be using this site for advice and of course support. I'm going to try and grab some green tomorrow to help keep me calm, i can also get benzos, but i think it is best to take this one step at a time and see how helpful the green is.

Like i said any pointers are welcome and any support from this community would of course be awesome. I'm so sick of having to get dope just to function im 20 and need to cut this crap out before it does any more damage to my life.

That about wraps it up. As of now im only about 3 hours in lol, but at least it's something.

 

[Moreaux]

You may want to consider loperamide and kratom. Kratom has helped countless people getting off of opiates. When you are feeling lousy try to keep in mind that the feelings are temporary and it will pass. Opiate withdrawal is not lethal, regardless of how bad you do feel. Good luck and please keep us updated.

 

[Stickman Roxy]

^ agreed

I've never tried Kratom but loperamide (Imodium) works wonders but for me it only worked the first 3 or 4 times.
Good luck!

 

[Jabberwocky]

All you can do is try, try and try again OP. You will figure out what works for you as you go, it is a very experiential process. Comfort meds are essential for, in my opinion, a truly effective kick. It's good you're going to try some herb and get some benzos to help the process. See if you can pick up a couple 8mg tablets or strips of Suboxone. That's really all you need - everything else is up to you.

What kind of support do you have in this? Are you doing it totally alone? It is much, much more difficult to effective get off dope without any kid of support system. It's been done before, but it rarely is very effective.

 

[Man in the Dark]

Lyrica.

 

[ChiTown62391]

I am 35 days clean from a 9 year opiate binge. Willpower alone will not produce the results you are seeking in most cases. The only reason I believe I am clean today is because I changed the people, places, and things in my life. I felt like complete sh!t for 2 weeks but there was a glimmer of hope every day I woke up clean. Remember, this to shall pass

 

[Maddness99]

Why does it seem like no one works...I am doing this alone at work, going through shitty mind fucks and no one even responds. I know this sounds shitty but I feel like CRYING in my big bad office - I am the boss lady I am the best...I can not even leave my office. I just want to sleep and feel normal again. I can not see my own eyes anymore. My green eyes with excellent big black pupils that I long for seeing as pins...bc i know the feeling with it. I am currently on sub...day 3 on 5 I cracked and took sub after going COLD turkey, i am such an asshole. Am I wrong by thinking my ppl who post are nonworking people, that do not understand how I have to fake my life and actually arrive at my work place?????????????????????????????????? sorrry

 

[strity1994]

Why does it seem like no one works...I am doing this alone at work, going through shitty mind fucks and no one even responds. I know this sounds shitty but I feel like CRYING in my big bad office - I am the boss lady I am the best...I can not even leave my office. I just want to sleep and feel normal again. I can not see my own eyes anymore. My green eyes with excellent big black pupils that I long for seeing as pins...bc i know the feeling with it. I am currently on sub...day 3 on 5 I cracked and took sub after going COLD turkey, i am such an asshole. Am I wrong by thinking my ppl who post are nonworking people, that do not understand how I have to fake my life and actually arrive at my work place?????????????????????????????????? sorrry

I lost my job because I couldn't go anymore. Going to work is a choice. You choose to go.

 

[Moreaux]

Why does it seem like no one works...I am doing this alone at work, going through shitty mind fucks and no one even responds. I know this sounds shitty but I feel like CRYING in my big bad office - I am the boss lady I am the best...I can not even leave my office. I just want to sleep and feel normal again. I can not see my own eyes anymore. My green eyes with excellent big black pupils that I long for seeing as pins...bc i know the feeling with it. I am currently on sub...day 3 on 5 I cracked and took sub after going COLD turkey, i am such an asshole. Am I wrong by thinking my ppl who post are nonworking people, that do not understand how I have to fake my life and actually arrive at my work place?????????????????????????????????? sorrry

Working is a choice...so is getting healthy. I was a software developer for many years, also with a nice plush office and usually the only woman in my department - I was special. I had a lot of responsibility and respect. I struggled for years to get healthy and found I couldn't truly devote my time to getting healthy and hold a high level high stress job. I decided to quit. While I have been unemployed I have gotten my OCD under control and no longer have the compulsion to alter my reality. I am almost normal. I am ready to go back to work, and am working towards that. Certainly, I can get another high paying development position, but having time off has made me realize that life is way too short to spend a large portion of your life doing something that you are not passionate about.

I understand you, and how you have to fake your life. Do not underestimate the people who come here - many of us are or were high functioning addicts. Many of us decided to make choices that will lead to a higher quality of life in the long run, so I would be careful in how you voice your judgments of other Bluelight members as you really don't know everyone's situation, and there are some truly extraordinary people on this site from all walks of life. Now, I think I'm going to take my happy little nonworking ass out in the backyard and play a few holes before I walk to the ocean, as my high functioning addict self was able to work for a beautiful house on the golf course, at the beach. I would rather do what I do all day everyday than have to fake my existence and slowly unravel in an office I don't care for, doing something I am not passionate about, trying to keep it together.

 

[Maddness99]

Thank you, I think your post really hit home for me. I was not judging, more of venting, bc I of course like mos, would love to not have tons of responsibilities of work and all that - I guess I was just complaining about myself...wishing I did not have to work. However, fortunate to be sober 8 days and choosing to work.

 

[Moreaux]

Thank you, I think your post really hit home for me. I was not judging, more of venting, bc I of course like mos, would love to not have tons of responsibilities of work and all that - I guess I was just complaining about myself...wishing I did not have to work. However, fortunate to be sober 8 days and choosing to work.

It's really tough trying to get healthy and work. I absolutely couldn't do it and it prolonged me getting healthy by a number of years. If your company has an employee assistance program, you may be able to work with them to get adequate time off, though in my experience it still wasn't enough time (I got over a month was in an inpatient rehab and had to go back to work the next day after I checked out).

Other things to consider are saving cash (if possible) to take off work, or trying to work from home. I know I have put my family in a paycheck to paycheck situation by not working as my addiction put us insubstantial debt as did getting healthy. The stress is phenomenal but it's still so much better than trying to struggle and maintain an addiction and a job.

Stopping the drugs is only a small part of the problem - dealing with the underlying issues driving you to use and learning how to cope with life is the hard part.

 

[MrRoot]

Downshifting for me was a conscious choice made by thinking about it for a long time.

I was a functioning addict before it and did a lot of work for my own company. I had pretty much everything I wanted but still emotionally lacked something. After choosing to focus for my family and close ones as well as myself I've been through a lot of progress getting healthier and building a foundation upon which I can start to work more if I choose so in the future.

Not to mention that I am a disabled veteran because I drove into IED while on Afghanistan for second time as a peace keeper.

I have not been sitting on my arse too even after downshifting because I've focused on writing articles and novels on my native language. My first novel has been recently published and I have some responsibilities such as going to interviews and as well as doing other PR stuff. I started doing music too not lokg ago and seems like I am going to get some gigs after I come back from rehab which is starting soon.

I have to say that I am a lot healthy now after quitting hectic business life and you could see the difference from the pictures taken when I was on my worst and how I am currently. Or atleast this is what people have said

What I love most on the Bluelight is that you can see the whole spectrum of addicts here. It actually ranges from homeless people to highly educated persons on the top of their career.

 

[Maddness99]

I wish I could downshift, but we just bought a new house and the money is needed.... You are right what a world of different types of ppl....good for both of you.

I am not passionate at all about my job, it is just income.

 

[VastEmpty]

Madd -

I work. A lot. And I've been exactly where you are at - unraveling behind a closed door when people on the other side think you have your shit together. It's hard, but we all have our struggles, and most of our struggles are choices we make, good or bad. Moreaux and Root are right, this forum has a lot of different people from different walks of life. You will find people like you (and me!) and people like Moreaux and Root who have made the decision that leads to the most happiness and most likelihood of success in their own lives.

It sounds like you don't feel like you can make the choice to quit your job due to your financial situation, could you make a long-term goal of switching careers? Going back to school? I adore my job, sometimes it is hard to get up every day and know, regardless of how I feel today, there are people relying on me to be there for them. But sometimes that's what keeps me going too. I think my job actually contributes to my overall wellbeing and health. It gives me a "reason" to keep on keeping on. However, that isn't the case with everyone - sometimes their job becomes something they value over their sobriety, which can lead to relapses. I hear that putting sobriety first is a key to being successful in this.

Sorry for the rambling, I just wanted to let you know that I'm with you. I'm leaving for work in about 20 minutes myself. Just one last thing I will say - someone close to me was in a position to help a lot of people in need in a third world country. She had gone to work with a non-profit organization that could only afford to pay its employees $50 per week and give them room and board on top of that. I went to visit her about two years after she joined the organization and I exclaimed at one point during the visit "I could never live on $200 a month! I don't know how you do it!" And my friend responded with something I'll never forget, "I've learned that it is not the high cost of living that is a problem, it's the cost of high living." Maybe you could reasses what you actually NEED in life? Maybe you think being unemployed isn't an option, when in reality it is an option and it would just mean cutting out a few luxuries? If not, just think of me when you are at work - I'm more than likely there right along with you!!

- VE